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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

social services took my beautiful children

473 replies

user1491683745 · 08/04/2017 21:41

it really is not fair to do it to someone who absolutely loves and adores them they really need me and are probably so unhappy i am so done with life and really really want them with me

OP posts:
corythatwas · 09/04/2017 18:35

Having been in the situation of being falsely suspected of abuse and in the situation of sitting in an ambulance next to a semi-conscious child, I know which one I prefer. Sad

lougle makes a good point. Whatever the matter is: whether the boy is at risk from his family or not, he clearly needs help.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 18:36

My daughter is a very happy and well-adjusted child with lots of friends. If she had a problem she has lots of lovely people around her to share things with. If she didn't want to talk to any of these people then she could talk to childline. This thread isn't about my child.

corythatwas · 09/04/2017 18:36

Thanks muckypup, yes she is. This was a few years ago. She got help and she is ok. But the point was, the help was there.

dowhatnow · 09/04/2017 18:38

I prefer to believe the mother because I want to believe that nothing awful has happened. Really? Wow! We'd all like to hope that there is nothing to worry about but talk about burying your head in the sand and believing what you want to believe. We just don't know, but we must keep an open mind incase that boy needs help.

I want my kids to get any help they need from any source that will help them. That may be from people they know or they may prefer the anonymity of a safe stranger to confide in. What is best for them is what is important - not what is best for me.

corythatwas · 09/04/2017 18:39

I am not saying there is something wrong with your dd, NameChanger. I am saying, suppose something bad happened to her and she felt she could not talk to you, for either of the reasons I mentioned, would you rather she felt able to talk to a stranger or was driven to despair? Nobody knows what life can bring. I didn't think any child of mine would ever get to the point of suicide. But when it happened, I was very glad that help was available.

And frankly, if your dd is happy and well adjusted, it seems rather unlikely she would make a malicious call to Childline, as long as she clearly understands what they are for.

corythatwas · 09/04/2017 18:41

What is best for them is what is important - not what is best for me.

THIS. A hundred times this.

MeadowHay · 09/04/2017 18:49

NameChanger Sounds like my parents when I was a teenager. Their attitude was a substantial reason for my severe, chronic mental health problems that I still struggle with to a lesser degree now in adulthood. I used ChildLine for many years. At one point I had regular booked 2 hour telephone counselling sessions with their Swansea base for a few months (didn't live anywhere near there but there was a waiting list at my local base so they let me have it with Swansea team instead). I will never forget how much those people helped me when nobody else would, when I had nobody, when I was crying with blood pouring down my legs and wishing I were dead and thinking about running away. And my parents would have said the same as NameChanger, that I should have talked to them or people they knew, that I was well-adjusted, etc etc. But I couldn't talk to them (they didn't really want me to, but that's lots of long stories). If it weren't for Childline there is the distinct possibility that I may have died during my teenager years and I can guarantee that would have come as a huge shock for my parents who were totally in denial about my mental health problems.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 18:53

I don't want any child to be in despair and they should phone childline if they have nobody else. That goes without saying.

I also don't want to see another thread on mumsnet where a devastated parent who has just lost their children comes here for help and advice and is met with disbelief. I've seen many, many threads like this over the years. They're not all liars. We should believe, until we have evidence to the contrary. Why would someone share this on Mumsnet if they weren't looking for help and reassurance? I can put myself in the shoes of someone who is being wrongly accused of something so terrible and it's completely heartbreaking.

ApplePaltrow21 · 09/04/2017 18:54

These threads should be deleted. They are awful.

No one knows what really went on and the OP is always uncooperative and uncommunicative. Other posters with a grudge against SS always pop up to repeat daily mail type lies about how SS want to eat your babies because they've namechanged away from the account in which they detailed how neglectful a parent they actually are.

This is an active case, shouldn't there be some sort of rule stating that unless you are posting in legal advice, that these sorts of conversations are just a bad idea?

Also, mumsnet really have a responsibility to push back against SS bashing. Why shouldn't "we believe you" extend to kids? They should have a standard message they post basically being a bit more skeptical in these situations. After all the trouble with that MP and all the other crap that happened, I don't understand how people are still falling for this stuff.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 18:55

MeadowHay - I'm sorry about your terrible experiences.

Oblomov17 · 09/04/2017 18:56

Deleted Apple? What a ridiculous suggestion.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 18:57

It is a guarantee that as a parent, if you are ever wrongly accused of anything, nobody on Mumsnet will ever believe you.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 18:58

Mumsnet is like an angry mob of villagers with pitchforks sometimes. If you have any other problem, they are super helpful.

ApplePaltrow21 · 09/04/2017 19:03

Are you pretending you've been wrongly accused NameChanger22?

Just like all those poor wrongly accused rapists we always hear so much about? Shocking how many of them trip and fall into lying bitches, isn't it?

Same as parents who come crying to mumsnet when SS is at the door. Amazingly unlucky!

muckypup73 · 09/04/2017 19:18

NameChanger22, I can saftley say I have read and re read, you can put yourself in the shoes of someone, how can you do this when you do not know the situation?

dowhatnow · 09/04/2017 19:44

I like to think I've put myself in the shoes of the op and in the shoes of her son. We don't know what happened but safe to say that ss think something bad has happened. The truth will out eventually but in the meantime most posters have advised the op to be open and cooperative as regardless of her involvement or not, her ds needs help in some form or other - be it practical or emotional. Hopefully the kids will soon be returned but the op has to accept that they were taken away for a reason and that reason need to be addressed with her help rather than her kicking her feet and shouting poor meee. Its about her son and how to help him get whatever help he needs. She need to help SS help her by facing up to truths, whether those truths involve her or not.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 19:54

NameChanger Why would someone share this on Mumsnet if they weren't looking for help and reassurance?

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 19:57

NameChanger Why would someone share this on Mumsnet if they weren't looking for help and reassurance?

Attention? Munchausen-by-internet? Money? Journalist baiting for a story? Troll? There are plenty of reasons why someone might fake a harrowing story. I don't for one second suggest that OP has done so, but it must also be borne in mind that no one knows anything beyond what we are told on here and there is still no guarantee that what we read is truthful or accurate.

loveyoutothemoon · 09/04/2017 19:58

Are you the poster who wanted to kick their son out a few months back?

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 20:05

There are sometimes better options in a child's life than childline

And sometimes there is not and the child should have all options and allowed to make that choice. Parents should not be dictating who a child can and cannot go to for help.

And whilst you may be able to put yourself in the ops shoes and feel bad for her, most of us can see it from both sides, we can also see a young child who was driven to make accusations strong enough over the course of two weeks that he and his siblings were removed from the ops home for their safety. Whether the accusations are true or not, no one knows but the sheer fact he did make them and repeatedly shows something is very very wrong,

So yes, there is two sides to every story and simply believing the child to be a liar and the authorities imbeciles most of us will see both side.

Maybe you could give it a shot.

muckypup73 · 09/04/2017 20:12

Bluntness100, excellent post!

DioneTheDiabolist · 09/04/2017 20:27

Oops, Xpost with Distance.Blush
Followed by very Xpost by Distance.Shock

ShakingAndShocked · 09/04/2017 20:32

Namechanger 'I think lots of more vulnerable people (single parents etc) live in fear of social services

Scuse me? I'm a single parent and I neither 'live in fear of Social Services' or regard myself as 'vulnerable' as I don't currently have a man hanging on my arm Hmm

Which are you Name? 'Vulnerable' as a single parent or 'strong' as married/coupled up? As either way, your thinking that way is seriously fucked up.

What a truly bonkers post

corythatwas · 09/04/2017 20:34

NameChanger22 Sun 09-Apr-17 18:57:02
"It is a guarantee that as a parent, if you are ever wrongly accused of anything, nobody on Mumsnet will ever believe you."

This has not been my experience. And unlike you, I have been wrongly accused.

I do not pretend to know what has been going on in the case of the OP. But in a sense we don't need to know in order to advise her because the same advice- stay calm and cooperative- is equally important regardless of what is going on.

ShamefulDodger · 09/04/2017 20:37

I suppose I could be classed as vulnerable. Disabled myself with disabled dd.

I'm not scared of social services at all.

In fact, when I felt like I was seriously struggling I called them up myself.

They didn't feel we needed a social worker after meeting us, but were extremely helpful in getting us information that lead to some better support.

I at no point felt 'scared'.

I won't pretend that I wouldn't have been devastated if for any reason they felt I couldn't look after my children properly at all, but it's not about me.

I felt 100% they were only interested in doing the best thing for my children and would urge anyone to avoid as bashing, in the fear it could scare others off from seeking help, before it gets bad.

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