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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

social services took my beautiful children

473 replies

user1491683745 · 08/04/2017 21:41

it really is not fair to do it to someone who absolutely loves and adores them they really need me and are probably so unhappy i am so done with life and really really want them with me

OP posts:
ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 16:26

NameChanger Are you honestly suggesting that a child might be at risk calling ChildLine?? Hmm

muckypup73 · 09/04/2017 16:27

NameChanger22, if you teach your daughter this she will be paranoid of everyone.

blondehair · 09/04/2017 16:32

@NameChanger22 I felt uncomfortable taking to family about problems when I was growing up. Sometimes Childline, etc is the best way.

YellowMeadow · 09/04/2017 16:35

You think she would be at risk calling Childline? What if she felt like she couldn't speak to people in real life, would you rather she kept it to herself than phoned? Genuine question.

YellowMeadow · 09/04/2017 16:37

I'm sorry, but I really don't get that. Childline is part of the NSPCC. Would you never let her go to the police, etc.? How are you comfortable sending her to school? Childline counsellors work at bases, under a supervisor and have debriefing, etc. children also don't give personal information that can identify them?

Papafran · 09/04/2017 16:39

My daughter has been taught all her life not to talk to strangers. I would much prefer she speaks to someone she knows and trusts if she has any issues. There's nothing concerning about that. I don't know who is on the other end of the line at childline

I have heard it all now. Well, very often the non-strangers are the ones who pose the real danger to children. It is really quite rare for a child to be at risk from a stranger. The 'don't talk to strangers' thing means 'don't get into a car with a dodgy man who offers you sweets', not 'don't talk about your personal problems that you don't feel able to share with your mum to a highly trained counsellor on a confidential telephone line'. Jesus Christ.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 16:47

This thread was begun because an 11 year old phone childline and the consequence has been that 3 children have been taken from their mother. We don't know if that is for a good reason or not. Maybe this thread has made me feel a bit anxious. Normally I don't give childline too much thought. Most children will have somebody they can talk to in real life. If my daughter wants to phone childline she can, but she has other options that are better.

muckypup73 · 09/04/2017 16:47

excellent post Papafran.

lougle · 09/04/2017 16:53

I don't think you're quite understanding the situation, Namechanger22. Saying that you are choosing to adopt a we believe you stance for the OP may feel good and like you are helping her, but in reality it will do nothing to help her, because the reality is that time is ticking and a legal process has begun that no amount of we believe you will help. What will help is for the OP to be given practical advice that will help her to clear her mind of any perceived injustice and focus on what she needs to do to work with the authorities to either address their concerns (if she was already aware of the causes of her children being removed, once she is informed) or to deal with the reasons for their removal (if things have been happening without her knowledge). Either way, it is going to take a lot of bravery and upheaval, and I'm sure it will not be a short process.

If this does all turn out to be a horrendous mistake, regardless, there is still a very unhappy boy who felt he needed to say some very drastic things, which is a concern in itself.

blondehair · 09/04/2017 16:53

@NameChanger22 in all fairness, there is probably more to this story that we haven't been told about. ChildLine is obviously a good thing, has helped millions of kids, and it's there for a reason. Clearly a lot of children don't have someone to talk to in real life, and they've managed to get help through this. I think that as long as the child isn't put in danger by talking to someone, and feels better, then what's the problem.

There will be strangers everywhere. How do you expect your daughter to meet new friends if she's not allowed to talk to anyone.

IAmNotAUserNumber · 09/04/2017 16:58

Could the at risk concerns be around radicalisation OP?

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 16:59

She talks to children and makes new friends all the time. I just don't want her talking to adult strangers. I thought that was standard advice that most people tell their children.

I'm obviously a hindrance to the OP, so I'll leave you all to it.

treaclesoda · 09/04/2017 17:03

I just don't want her talking to adult strangers. I thought that was standard advice that most people tell their children.

Confused Well, yes, as in don't go telling a stranger in the park where you live. But no when it comes to actual services where the entire purpose is to assist children. Hmm

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 17:08

Nothing about the Saville case has taught you anything then.

treaclesoda · 09/04/2017 17:10

The Saville case? As in Jimmy Saville?

Was he involved in Childline? I had no idea. I thought it was Esther Rantzen who set it up. Shock

StoneHen · 09/04/2017 17:10

NameChanger22 - your daughter goes to school... Confused

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 17:13

NameChanger Can you see how you leave your child more at risk if you narrow down their possible options for help to other children and people she knows? Remember that most abuse is carried out by people the abuser knows. And what is another child meant to do to help?? Having access to remote, trained people who can call in the cavalry is exactly what children at risk need. Isolating them from such sources of help "because they don't know them personally" is a terrifyingly bad idea based on highly misguided logic.

Papafran · 09/04/2017 17:13

Most children will have somebody they can talk to in real life

I think this is a large generalisation. Childline receive a huge amount of calls. Obviously many children don't feel able to talk to someone in real life. My mum would probably have said the same as you when I was a child/teenager- that I could talk to her about anything. Completely untrue- I never felt able to confide in her at all. Talking to a stranger would have been great- non-judgmental and cathartic. I tried to call childline a few times actually, but never got through.

You should never tell your DC not to access safe and confidential support services if they feel they need them.

You have no idea what this 11 yo disclosed to childline, so your comments about it making you nervous are unjustified. As a pp said, I have never met anyone who thought SS were correct to remove their children.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 17:15

Ugh*

…by people the abuser victim knows…

Papafran · 09/04/2017 17:15

Nothing about the Saville case has taught you anything then

Like what precisely? Did he man the lines at childline? Was he involved in decisions to remove children from their parents' care? I must have missed that.

Do you know how many children are abused or mistreated by family members? To say that everything should be 'kept in the family' is very dangerous actually. Not all families are good. Kids need to learn that there are good strangers who will help them.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 17:16

Papafran - You probably didn't get through because a million children were phoning to say they were having a great day.

treaclesoda · 09/04/2017 17:16

I just googled. Jimmy Saville wasn't involved with Childline was he? I'm really confused. (Although I know Esther Rantzen was rightly criticised for not paying heed to the rumours about him).

YellowMeadow · 09/04/2017 17:16

NameChanger22 I'm guessing you chose not to read my post then?

Goingtobeawesome · 09/04/2017 17:17

Blimey.

NameChanger22 · 09/04/2017 17:18

The Saville case proves that the stranger isn't just the stranger in the park, but also people in positions of authority and those in caring roles and professions.

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