Can I ask about weight and how your partner deals with it?

[catscurledupbythefire]

I'm going to try to be honest here, but it's not easy. Don't flame me:)

I am greedy, always have been. But I was a normal sized child. Tiny bit chubby at thirteen, mother practically had a nervous breakdown, food became a hugely contentious issue. I was anorexic (though at the less serious end of the scale) at fourteen/fifteen and then discovered if I exercised I could more or less eat as I pleased, so I did.

When I met DH I was a 'nice size' - about between 9 and 10 stone which at my height is pretty much perfect. I've never had a knockout figure anyway so wasn't arsed about that. It was always the hair for me. I was lucky (still am) to have a lot of lovely fair hair so everyone commented favourably on that and so that was the 'thing' that gave me confidence.

But ... over the years, I've gained weight and it's affected us. Since having the first baby it's been a cycle of losing weight and gaining it and now I am ashamed to say I've put on FOUR STONE since my last pregnancy and I am pretty, well, huge.

Doing things as a family is hard, we went to the beach last week and I was all puffed out chasing DD. And clothes - I can't walk round in rags but just the same I can't expect DH to fork out for an entire new wardrobe every time I lose or gain a stone. And I know it affects our sex life. He still says I am beautiful but there's always a 'but' there.

So to get to the point of this we are away this weekend. DH has asked me if, from Monday, I could 'seriously consider' losing some weight. He is worried about my health, has told me I am setting a bad example to the children and I am not the same person he married.

He's right, so why do I feel so pissed off? And how would you feel?

Have a look at the Blood Sugar Diet.

It works quickly, is sensible (developed by Newcastle Medical School) and is easy (no calorie counting, just eating the right foods).

There is a hugely supportive Facebook page too.

good luck!

Honestly i am, fine with cambridge but thank you

Low carb has been a revelation to me. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Cambridge must be utterly miserable and so difficult to maintain the weight loss. But you seem convinced that crash dieting is the only thing that works for you, so crack on I suppose.

I think the problem here is you aren't ready to make a life change. You know the way you eat is unhealthy. You are prepared to do short term fixes to get the weight down for a set reason, but aware that to remain thin afterwards will mean stopping eating the way you do now forever- and you aren't ready for that.

You are rather like the smokers who can stop while pregnant but then start up again afterwards, you aren't ready to have a healthy relationship with food, so will swap one unhealthy eating pattern for another (Cambridge is not a long term healthy way to eat), but not ready to change.

And to be honest, all the good advice in the world won't help until you are ready to change.

You are eating in a way that's self destructive- your DH is worried about that - but unlike if your self destructive habit was drink or drugs or smoking, you can't stop eating, in a way your bad habit is harder to fix, because you can't just quit.

It's easy for me to say "just don't eat crap" but then it's easy for me to say "no thank you" to a 3rd glass of wine, some people can't have 2 then stop, it's all or nothing. You are "all or nothing" about food. And will be until you are ready to change.

Perhaps try small steps towards thinking about why you are choosing to eat each food item. Is it comfort? Boredom? What is triggering it? Can you fix those triggers first?

I kind of know where you are. I put on 4 stones since I met my husband (not even got kids as an excuse!). He has always told me he loved me and found me attractive, but I used to wonder how he could when I just see an ugly lump! I hate the gym, would feel stupid going to classes. I've lost and put on weight loads of times at sw or ww (bloody good at it when I put my mind to it!). My mum can criticise my weight too (well meaning and hoping to spur me on), and I get sulky and negative when she does!

This year I decided I needed to address my issues, my greed, my chocoholic tendencies before putting any more money into ww or such like. So I've cut out sugar and tried to eat home made, healthy food. I've changed to full fat (and full taste) yoghurts and butters. I eat carbs, as much fruit as I feel like and I've lost my cravings almost 100%. I've walked the dogs slightly more, but not done a significant amount of extra exercise. Since Jan I've lost 16lbs and literally inches and inches all over. It's felt easy, for the first time in my life.

As for my husband, while never criticising my weight before, he's now really frequently started saying how well I look and how sexy I am. I'm starting to feel good.

Yes to all the home-made healthy food honeyroar, all the food groups too, all that worked for me. for me also it was changing attitude and more getting to grips with greed and habit ...

of course its still work in progress ... I think it will be a year before I'm really hopefully settled in this

Good luck Hidingeyes, it sounds like you're well on your way. I feel settled and happy with it too, which is good as I've a fair bit to do too!!

The reality is VLCD doesn't work for you, no matter how much you shout it does, because if it did, you wouldn't be four stone over weight

It does work in so much as it's the only thing that allows some to actually look decent the weight in the first place, and speaking from experience I've done any other diet you can name.

The misconception here is that people only see the complete meal replacement aspect of Cambridge, literlife, exante, lipotrim or any other VLCD. It is the first step and should be fine in combo with thinking.

There are steps to be gone through when your BMI hits a certain level to reintroduce conventional food and help you find your balance.

As I said uptgread, the issue comes when the VLCD is seen as a quick fix and the steps not followed.

With ever other method I've never managed to get to goal...ever! I have got to goal, I've regained less each time and taken longer to get there.

Very few friends have done the VLCD and I know of nobody with lots of weight to lose who have achieved this without and they've reagained all their weight plus more on conventional plans, whereas I and those know on a VLCD have done better in comparison.

I'd never have tried a VLCD without my GP suggesting it as I thought it was a dangerous fad. Thank goodness he did. I've gone from a Maz size 2/ to a max size 16 over the past 12 years since that first time.

It's not for all, I'd certainly never say that, and it's vital anyone thinking if the VLCD get a health check and their GP monitor them. Don't treat it as a quick fix fad and then you can dismiss those who comment on the assumption they know better

I am greedy. I found the paleo diet was the way to go as I could eat lots just not refined carbs. Google Marks Daily Apple and get into it. I promise you won't regret it. I stuck with this it's piss easy but probably had more fruit that I should have and lost 8 kilos and felt brilliant. If I stalled a had a couple of 5;2 days and was back on track. I have put a bit on but just have to do a few days of it and all is well. Not a diet a way of life. Bit of a cliche' but it's easy to change your mindset to paleo.

Thanks Joysmum

It's honestly not about not being ready. It's about doing what works for me.

Anyway the 10th is important to me. So I'll start tomorrow as we're back form holiday then.