Can I ask about weight and how your partner deals with it?

[catscurledupbythefire]

I'm going to try to be honest here, but it's not easy. Don't flame me:)

I am greedy, always have been. But I was a normal sized child. Tiny bit chubby at thirteen, mother practically had a nervous breakdown, food became a hugely contentious issue. I was anorexic (though at the less serious end of the scale) at fourteen/fifteen and then discovered if I exercised I could more or less eat as I pleased, so I did.

When I met DH I was a 'nice size' - about between 9 and 10 stone which at my height is pretty much perfect. I've never had a knockout figure anyway so wasn't arsed about that. It was always the hair for me. I was lucky (still am) to have a lot of lovely fair hair so everyone commented favourably on that and so that was the 'thing' that gave me confidence.

But ... over the years, I've gained weight and it's affected us. Since having the first baby it's been a cycle of losing weight and gaining it and now I am ashamed to say I've put on FOUR STONE since my last pregnancy and I am pretty, well, huge.

Doing things as a family is hard, we went to the beach last week and I was all puffed out chasing DD. And clothes - I can't walk round in rags but just the same I can't expect DH to fork out for an entire new wardrobe every time I lose or gain a stone. And I know it affects our sex life. He still says I am beautiful but there's always a 'but' there.

So to get to the point of this we are away this weekend. DH has asked me if, from Monday, I could 'seriously consider' losing some weight. He is worried about my health, has told me I am setting a bad example to the children and I am not the same person he married.

He's right, so why do I feel so pissed off? And how would you feel?

Can I tentatively recommend Team RH? I heard about it on another thread - you can join the group via FB and pay £3.99 a month and get very detailed videos and workouts and stuff. It's run by a couple called Richie Howey and Rachel Hepton and they know their onions!

Thanks, I don't think it would work but thanks for the suggestion. It has to be diet led not exercise led.

Helena I wasn't having a dig at you though I see it could have read that way I just meant generally. 10 stone is AMAZING.

But even if you do the VLCD, you'll need to follow a normal 'diet' at some point and maintain weight longer term. So you can't just keep saying 'can't do diets'...

I know what you mean but that's where exercise does come in handy! As when I do exercise I can eat what I want within reason. It just doesn't actually help me lose any weight. Plus, I don't binge as much when a normal weight.

Hey cats no worries.

I know how hard it is I really had to force the weight off the second time.

Please dont do a VLCD though for the reasons stated by posters here.

Well, it's worked for me before and honestly I didn't suffer any ill effects but thanks. I just want to feel like 'me' again.

Cats, Team RH is also diet based. Take a look and see what you think.

Ah cats - I am a binge eater. I don't really think anything truly breaks the cycle of deprivation and losing / binging and gaining other than CBT. I've just started and it's fucking terrifying a) explaining to another person all of my screwy thoughts and beliefs about food and b) letting go of the dieting and bingeing cycle. I'm 37 and I've been doing it my whole adult life. I'm tired of it now though and want to make real and permanent changes.

Don't do a VLCD but definitely reduce the crap carbs because they just spike your sugar levels and you'll crave Picnics.

It sounds hard but make adaptations, sweet potatoes, butternut squash instead of pasta, more protein, more veg.

Yes, I'm 35 and have as well! I sympathise. Husband hasn't a clue. 'Eat when you're hungry' yeah, I get it!

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1194451/So-does-picture-reclusive-millionaire-LighterLife-say-66-week-extreme-diet.html

And if you have to have chocolate/ treats in the house for the kids and DH, get ones that you don't like and so won't be tempted by them.

Never have chocolates or sweets in the house as I would just eat them all

I know some people are against VLCDs but they are what I do. Some people do SW to lose weight, I do cambridge.

The best thing I found was the my fitness pal app. I haven't read the full thread so don't know if anyone has suggested it yet but honestly it changed things dramatically for me

OP, I am going to swim against the tide of advice here and say Go for it! Where Cambridge is concerned, but...BUT...you absolutely must follow all of the steps through. I lost six stone on the programme five years ago and have kept it off ever since (and a little more). I started on sole source (I think that's step one now...?) and did that twelve weeks (three stone lost), then stepped up to the next level for another twelve weeks (just under three stone lost) then worked my way up using the recipe books and steps. I still weigh in with my consultant once a month and I do a couple of weeks of step one every six or so months. The problem with this and other VLCD is that people do the crash part but then go back to old habits. That's what doesn't work. Losing the weight is relatively easy on a VLCD (once you get over the first week) and if you stick with it all the way through, you can keep it off.

I am intelligent, professional, perfectly normal person, I just had a very unhealthy, illogical relationship with food. Sling in a load of kids and a husband who doesn't mind weight gain as it makes my arse and boobs get bigger, and you can see how I got to where I was-and I guess where you are now.

Whatever you decide, the very best of luck

Ha ha yes my husband doesn't mind my arse but unfortunately it mostly goes on belly and thighs! I also have a fat back

Thanks for words of encouragement. I know it works for me.

Hi op

Im not trying to be obtuse but it sounds less likely you need a diet and more like you need to eat what an average slim person does?

If you didn't eat the four picnics and family bags of crisps you'd be at the 2000 per day calories you need on average?

So it's how to drop the extras not how to drop to 1200 calories or something?

Would that work at all? Get a nice bottle of non alcoholic fizzy stuff instead, or some sweet liquorice (hard to eat) or something?

If you can stick to the quick fix for a few weeks, you can do the slow fix for several months or even years. You just have to want to.

This is a thread where you explain that while you don't want to be 4 stone overweight, you don't actually want to do anything about it.

And actually if you don't need to if you aren't ready yet. But it's a start to recognise you have a disordered approach to eating and dieting. You need to want to deal with your eating problems and improve your health. You clearly aren't at that point yet.

Hi, I wondered if you have ever had any counselling about how you feel about yourself and your weight?
You've said a couple of times that your Mum gave you a hard time when you were a teenager, and that you felt your attitude to 'dieting' was affected.
Sounds to me like you could do with working through that so you can develop a healthy approach to food and exercise.
I was also a skinny (borderline eating disorder) teenager, and developed a binge/starve approach to food which over the years got me to 14st 1lb by my mid 40's - 3.5st overweight. I'm now down to 10st 11lb by using the WW plan, I decided I needed to have a whole new attitude and I had some counselling too. I go to the gym and I eat well, and I've made a conscious decision not to ever think I'm on a 'diet' as diets can be restrictive and not about healthy attitudes to food.
You can do this, for you.

You should be thankful your husband is honest. Your weight will kill you, and if you don't get a handle on it, it will only continue to rise. It's time to start being honest with yourself. Do you eat to deal with emotions? To be so heavy, you are, without question, eating WAY too much than you need to. Only YOU can get a grip on this.

I know, Aqua, I have been brutally honest on this thread. I binge eat piles of shit. That is why I am fat.

Believe me if I could diet conventionally I would; I have tried enough times. I can't. If some of you need to lose weight you might go to SW or low carb or MFP. Those don't work for me as I am not patient enough, so I get fed up. So for me it's VLCDs. Anyway, it's getting argumentative and I don't want it to, it should ideally be a supportive thread.

I'm very overweight. I was over 16st in June last year. I was refused hospital treatment because of my weight. I tried MyFitnessPal but I kept cheating.

I started Slimming world in January and was 13st 9lb last week. The weight is coming off and I'm getting closer to the 35BMI for treatment.

I don't eat lots of Muller lights. I aim to have a good portion of protein to FIL me up, with veg or fruit and some carbs at most meals.

My downfall is crisps. That's the only thing I restrict. I don't feel deprived.

DH has always told me he loves me however I am as I do have Fibromyalgia and my pain restrict my mobility. But I am doing it for me. It's about making lifestyle changes which are forever. I still have meals out and have managed to survive being handed cake unexpectedly and eating it without feeling guilty. If I feel hungry I try a drink of water or green tea and see if that is my problem before heading for food. Usually melon or sugar snap peas or some wander thin turkey.

Think about it as being a lifestyle change rather than just losing weight. Good luck on your journey.

I'm in my late 40s and am the slimmest and fittest I've ever been. BMI of 22.

Honestly, truly - and I know this will fuck people off - the way I finally lost weight and kept it off was to stop dieting.

I'd done diets all my life and they did stop me from piling on too much weight I do concur, so for example I've rarely been more than a stone over weight.

But to point out the obvious, to be on a diet, you have to come off it by the very definition.

Once I decided to just eat when I wanted, what I wanted, the amazing thing was I ate moderately (not always, I still seriously pig out at least 2/3 times a week if confronted with chips or chocolate) and stopped feeling deprived.

I stopped seeing food as the enemy.

I stopped seeing food as Syns or Points. But just delicious food I fancied eating there and then.

I stopped buying low fat anything.

I am absolutely sure it's the lack of deprivation that has kept me slim.

Oh and sorry forgot to say!! I exercise tons - three or four serious 45/60 min workouts a week and walk everywhere.

As for your husband's comments, I think he's doing you a favour and cares about you.

Good luck! x

i am a similar size to you OP and currently in the process of losing weight. ITS FUCKING TOUGH. I think the key phrase is "slowly slowly catchy monkey" so im doing mfp and looking to lose 2 pound a week although in reality its about a pound. Sometimes i don't lose anything and its frustrating.

You really do have to do it for you though.

I am lucky in as much as Dp is overweight too so we are doing it together. He is doing better than me bastard but he is probably exercising more. I struggle as i do long hours.

So his support and participation makes all the different and the competition

Don't bother with weight watchers or slimming world - rip off. My fitness pal is free and allows far more freedom. similarly with any diet products - fuck that.

A change in attitude towards food is what is needed. I now crave healthy food (albeit a lot of it ) and really don't want mac yucky fried anything. The thought of dominos makes me want to gag and that absolutely was my weakness before.

Oh and alcohol -ive had to practically cut it out. Too many empty calories

I think people have offered you lots of wonderful advice and you've just refused to consider most of it. Sounds like you won't lose weight if you don't change your attitude first. You are not too overweight to excercise unless you have an undisclosed medical condition.