Can I ask about weight and how your partner deals with it?

[catscurledupbythefire]

I'm going to try to be honest here, but it's not easy. Don't flame me:)

I am greedy, always have been. But I was a normal sized child. Tiny bit chubby at thirteen, mother practically had a nervous breakdown, food became a hugely contentious issue. I was anorexic (though at the less serious end of the scale) at fourteen/fifteen and then discovered if I exercised I could more or less eat as I pleased, so I did.

When I met DH I was a 'nice size' - about between 9 and 10 stone which at my height is pretty much perfect. I've never had a knockout figure anyway so wasn't arsed about that. It was always the hair for me. I was lucky (still am) to have a lot of lovely fair hair so everyone commented favourably on that and so that was the 'thing' that gave me confidence.

But ... over the years, I've gained weight and it's affected us. Since having the first baby it's been a cycle of losing weight and gaining it and now I am ashamed to say I've put on FOUR STONE since my last pregnancy and I am pretty, well, huge.

Doing things as a family is hard, we went to the beach last week and I was all puffed out chasing DD. And clothes - I can't walk round in rags but just the same I can't expect DH to fork out for an entire new wardrobe every time I lose or gain a stone. And I know it affects our sex life. He still says I am beautiful but there's always a 'but' there.

So to get to the point of this we are away this weekend. DH has asked me if, from Monday, I could 'seriously consider' losing some weight. He is worried about my health, has told me I am setting a bad example to the children and I am not the same person he married.

He's right, so why do I feel so pissed off? And how would you feel?

I weighed more than you. I was 16 stone. Altough when I met my dh I was 9 stone. I was overweight for 17 years.

Then suddenly I decided I'd had enough. I started exercising. Just zumba at first. Then I tackled my eating issue and radically cut down on food. I would substitute some meals for milkshakes and I exercise at night so it's too late to eat afterwards.

I have lost a lot of weight. I weigh just under 11 stone. I will keep going.

I now love exercise (I always hated it before). I do 11 classes a week which ranges from zumba, toning, kettle bells, yoga and Aqua. I also do gym sessions.

I am now really fit and look better then I have for years. With the right mind set you can do it. When you start losing weight it drives you on.

cats. Does your gym have a pool? I tend to swim rather than gym. I disguise my considerable ampleness (which is MUCH more than yours btw) in a swim-dress. This feels much better, and I am doing something, which makes me feel better, and more likely to watch what I eat.

I completely understand the stroppy teenager thing, OP. My mum and dad are always going on about weight. And it makes me want to stamp my feet. Good luck to you x

Please stay away from the Cambridge diet. Vlcds are notorious for making you pile the weight back on and more. It happened to me and i regret it so much. It was devastating. I have huge willpower, too.

I low carb now. It's changed my life. I don't get hungry. I don't restrict myself (choc mousse and strawberries planned for tomorrow along with fish and celeriac chips). The weight melts off. All the food tastes amazing. It's healthy.

If you can walk every day then that's all the exercise you need, not to take away from the other benefits of going to the gym. Losing weight is 90% diet.

Thanks. Been out all day, just catching up now.

It probably does come across that there's a lot of "I cants" because to be honest, if i could, I would!

I can't diet 'conventionally'; those meal replacement thingies are the only things that work.

Exercise yes, it's well and good but it's not actually going to shift 4'stone and I don't like it so make excuses. I can't keep up in classes very well (I'm not the cleverest ) and the mirrors make me self conscious.

So, I will try, I really will. :)

Cats - I also hate exercise. The only thing I've found that breaks through the barrier is going to the gym at least 3x a week and preferably more like 4. And not doing classes because I agree with you about that ! I do my own stuff and I benchmark myself and set my own targets and goals. It only works when I'm going often enough to feel the loss of endorphins when I miss a session though. If I go less than three times a week I find it much harder to get in there.
And as for whether it helps with weight loss, tbh I don't think of it like that. I do it because it makes me healthier. I don't mind what size I am, I'd rather be healthier than thinner iykwim.

I understand that but my definite aim is to lose weight (which 100% isn't meant snappily, so sorry if it comes over like that! ) Unfortunately, I don't really get the endorphins

I gained four stone after an accident left me inactive and comfort eating. Dp never uttered a word. He has supported me in losing it (most of it) which was through diet changes alone as exercising tends to flare up pain. I'm about the same size now as I was when I met him, but not long after we met I dropped some more and I'm working on losing that bit again now.
I think your dh does have your best interests at heart. I think it probably hurts because you know he's right. Only you can change it though.

I know ... I've been in denial for a long time. I do want to feel, um, 'sexy' again (that is possible at 35, yes?)

Weight gain is just a taboo subject at times it's frustrating because I've witnessed it through my own DM being a large lady at a size 20. She has diabetes, heart attack at 52, double heart by pass and valve replacement now. She is suffering from heart failure. The majority of her ailments are caused because she's of her weight she struggles to walk far due to her weight, heart and spinal problems.

After my third DC I didn't lose my baby weight ( I had been lucky to lose it after my last two DC and maintain a healthily weight previously). I joined slimming world and I've lost 1 and half stone in 13weeks and back to a healthily weight. I want to be healthily for myself my DC and my future GC. Only you can do it for yourself op.

cats please look up Richie Howie on Facebook, he is changing people's lives by helping them to understand nutrition and exercise. I had 5 stone to lose (lost one) and I'm doing it happily due to his coaching. I can't recommend him highly enough, he completely gets it and his group his massively supportive. If you want to know more PM me and I'll send you a link.

Thanks English, it sounds good :)

Please for the love of Christ dont lose the weight too fast. I did Slimming World in 2002/2003 I lost ten stone (the first seven stone in seven months) i got gallstones (two doctors AND my surgeon told me it was caused by losing it too fast)

Do it slowly (and if your DH moans about it not coming off fast enough for his liking ask him if he wants to doing ALL the childcare because if you do end up with gallstones all you will be up for doing is rolling around the bed in pain and nothing else)

I regained 4 stone between 2006 and 2013 due to DH becoming ill after a heart attack in 2006 and developing disabilities.

I went back to SW back in Sept 2013 and it took well over 3 years to lose the 4 stone regain.

Slow IS better because you do not gain it back as easily. Please dont go for the quick fix OP It wont do your health any good.

I think your husband needs to support you by eating the same way you do. I find it impossible to resist junk food if it's in the house - better not to have it at all. Could you pre pack snacks for your DD when you go out so that there's no need to buy anything?

Also - I found compression leggings a huge help to stop jiggling (sorry!) when exercising. I even managed to do some couch to 5k which seemed impossible before. A good sports bra really helps too.

If you are binging in the evenings, then you need to a) eat a little more at dinner (accept losing weight properly, not as a fad, will take time!), and b) not have chocolate/crisps/whatever you normally binge on in the house in the evenings. Tell DH that if he wants to support you, that stuff doesn't come in. Your DD doesn't need it either, he doesn't, so you agree. Clean your teeth when you do DD's, it really helps me stop snacking.

Every time you get the snacky feeling, ask yourself "am I just eating this because I'm bored or because I need the calories?" if you don't need it, you need to make yourself say no.

It will be slow, but you will feel the difference.

Understand about the gym, but try, I wish I had membership somewhere. Could you try some fitness youtube videos until you feel bit slimmer and fitter? Aim for doing something that raises your heartrate and makes you sweaty each day - be it going for a run, doing a 15 minute fitness video, a long walk with DD really energetic sex put the exercise and diet together. Perhaps going for a run or long walk in the evenings, then a shower and in your pjs will take up the time you would normally be snacking?

Hmm, it's not really the jiggling (lol) it's more general unfitness and the fact I don't really LIKE it.

Anyway, I don't think exercise in itself is the answer here. Not even sex. I lie down and let him do the work

Problem is for me it's quick fix or no fix. I'm rubbish I know but I CAN'T do 'normal' diets, and I have tried!

The reason you can't do normal diets is because they don't work, the only thing that works is to burn more calories than you eat. Something like Cambridge is a quick fix but as soon as you eat normally you'll put weight back on. I'm eating 1900 calories a day and losing weight because I burn 2500, it really is that simple.

It's taken me years of crappy diets for the lightbulb moment to happen but it has now and in just a couple of months I've dropped a dress size, lost over a stone and have far more energy. I'm eating normally, I'm having a curry tonight! I just need to burn more than I eat. Honestly, you don't need to fast or low carb, have shakes or soups.

Oh and I hate exercise so at the moment I'm just joining in with the stuff I can do at home!

That is what I mean by a normal diet! Eat three meals a day, impossible, three shakes a day, no problem. Anyway the main thing is that I lose it I think.

I walk EVERYWHERE which seems to work for me.

DH has had Crunchies Victoria Sponges jaffa cakes........you name it, in the flat while ive been healthy eating. It didnt/doesnt bother me.

It bothers me more when we're out - don't know why. Perhaps because I don't feel 'normal.'

I understand cats but unless you're going to do cambridge for the rest of your life you'll put it back on, then be asking this same question again next year. Maybe time to try a new approach?

Maybe not. It takes several years to re-gain if :) Plus, plenty of people do WW or SW so rejoin.

cats i regained because of what happened with DH becoming ill. He has emphysema now too.

Otherwise i wouldnt have had to lose the last 4 stone twice.

PPs are right Keeping your calorie intake below your activity intake is what works.

But if they rejoin then it hasn't worked? Surely the whole point is to lose it and keep it off? Sorry, I'm not trying to heckle you it's just that I've been overweight for my entire life and something's clicked this year and I've got it. The diet industry has an interest in keeping me reliant on them, they don't want to show me how to gave a normal healthy attitude to food.

I'm genuinely not trying to negative about your plan, I'm really not. I'm 42 and haven't been slim for my whole life but I'm slowly getting there - I'm delighted to be just about fitting in a 16 so certainly not in a position to lecture x