Don't think I want children, but how do you know?

[unsureaboutkids]

Hello all - NC for this (together with my other posts, it could be out-ing).

This is partly to get it off my chest but also to ask of those both who decided not to have children and those who have children - how did you know you did or didn't want them? Did you ever change your mind? What happens if I turn 45 and suddenly decide I want children just when it's going to be hard to conceive?

I'm in my early thirties, in a LTR (for me) with a man I adore. All my friends are having babies now. I've always assumed that once I'd found a lovely, reliable, sexy man who I was in love with that I would want them. But it hasn't happened yet.

My entire family and all my friends keep saying things like "ah, you'll change your mind when you have them" or "you're a loving, caring person, I'm sure you'll want some one day" but... I'm just not that into kids. Then they say "it's different with your own". But I never saw my life with children in it. All my life, whenever I pictured my ideal life in my 50s, it always had the exciting job, lovely man, lots of travel, a dog, a nice place, close friends, my existing family (all of which I'm aware I can have with children too!) but no children.

My nephews and nieces are sweet, but I don't go all gooey when I see them. I'm happy to give them back at the end of the day. I'm inclined to say that I don't want kids (DP happy with whatever I decide and I think genuinely so).

I don't know anyone who doesn't want children in my family or circles of friends. I'd love to hear any thoughts or experiences you may have.

All my life, whenever I pictured my ideal life in my 50s, it always had the exciting job, lovely man, lots of travel, a dog, a nice place, close friends, my existing family (all of which I'm aware I can have with children too!) but no children.

Obviously I'm not an expert on you, but I think that says it all.

I'm so happy I didn't have kids in the end- I can go out whenever I want and stuff, relax, whatever.

I’m mid thirties and pretty sure I don’t want them. I have worked with children of all ages and love them, but am so glad to get home where it’s quiet! I’m a big introvert and get drained from human interaction so don’t think it would be fair on a child. I’ve always wanted to adopt (always imagined I would have children with a different background to me for some reason) and working with loads of different children has made the feelings grow stronger however I would need me and DP to be in a very strong financial situation which we aren’t at the moment. He would be a great dad and we’ve discussed fostering later in life. It seems like a good balance. I won’t be heartbroken if this doesn’t happen. I’m also pretty selfish and gain lots of satisfaction from my hobby’s and seeing friends. I adore my friends children but very happy I can sleep in in the mornings if I like! It must be very hard for you if you don’t have child free friends, I have some and without them I’d feel like an alien as there is so much societal pressure to have them. If you choose not to have children I would highly recommend (when it’s safe to get about) trying to meet or befriend some child free women your age. I think it’s hard if you’re on the fence as a woman but like other Pps I’d rather not have them and regret it than the other way round!

Hey - these messages sound so similar to all the things I have experienced!!! I am constantly being told 'I'll change my mind' or that 'just have a baby for your husband; and it is so frustrating.
I have always imagined my life without kids, always.

I do however feel oddly stuck and blocked.
I know, and wow I feel awful saying this but if I wasn't married or with someone, or with someone that really didn't want kids, it would be ideal And easier.

I am 38 years old (just turned) and I think trying to work out how I feel about children. I am in a tricky position where my husband has changed his mind about wanting children, and I haven't. IE I have always said I really didn't know if I wanted them and thought I probably didn't. I made no secrets of this and have been very vocal about it my entire life, since I was like 16. I have just always known for want of a better phrase.

So am I about to have a child that I'm not sure I really want?! Surely that can't be right. I feel like I know I will be regretting the decision in a couple of years, so why am I even still pondering it?! It is so confusing and overwhelming!! Probably sound totally mad or misguided or like the decision should be obvious but its just never that black and white.

.

Hi all,

I realise this thread is now a bit older but wondering how everyone is and what they eventually decided?

I’m in this position and hating it!

I said at 13 no kids ever, stuck to it have never regretted it either. I always think if you “ I want kids but”. If there’s a but don’t have them. Kids know when there not wanted.

I was 38 and accidentally got pregnant. I actually didn’t think it was possible and really had never had the urge to get pregnant.
Children had really never crossed my mind as all our friends were childless and a lot older than me and I really didn’t cross paths with babies or children.

I had dd and it did feel like the start of my life. I got pregnant with Ds the following year

I can only imagine my life if I didn’t have children as being very very boring.
There is only so many times that you can look at a white sandy beach or do things over and over before the excitement wears off

My children have saved my life literally and figuratively. Given what I have done and who I have met through dc, my life would have been very dull without them.

Thanks for those replies.

It’s such a choice isn’t it. I can quite decide if it is anxiety that is preventing me…..

Or if it is plain and simple that’ I just do not want to do it.