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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

The yuk factor

162 replies

Snotmeitsyou · 27/03/2017 19:18

Not sure if I am in the right forum here but anyway. DP stays with me most weekends as he works away. Been together for 18 years but not lived together - reluctance on my part really.
DP seems to have some mucky behaviours I struggle with. For example, this weekend he uses loo as usual, flushed several times, then uses loo brush to 'help' contents of pan flush away. Loo brush back in holder, covered in poo. I then have to clean brush and holder.
Last week I found poo smears on wall next to loo roll. He must have got his hands dirty wiping arse then used loo roll.
He recently got into car with big poo smear up back of t-shirt. I guess he wiped bum but belt was in way and smeared his shirt.
Using his car I found crispy stuff under driver's seat - he had wiped nose on hand then wiped under seat I guess.
He can't eat a meal without getting food around face or on clothing/floor.
All this makes me feel queasy and affects how I feel about him. He is a good person but thinks I over react. He finds it funny.
Is it me or am I being a bit too fussy here?

OP posts:

floatingfrog · 27/03/2017 21:05

Original poster

Snotmeitsyou · 27/03/2017 21:05

Probably got too used to it all. I have two large dogs who are prodigious poo-ers. I clear it up without a thought. Even tackle grass-danglies without throwing up.

OP posts:

MumUndone · 27/03/2017 21:06

I could not be doing with this.

Katiepotato · 27/03/2017 21:08

Treat him like a puppy and rub his nose in it. He'll soon learn!

Original poster

Snotmeitsyou · 27/03/2017 21:08

Look, it doesn't happen every day or even every week. These episodes have stuck in my mind and I thought I may have been being too sensitive. Didn't expect such a reaction.

OP posts:

Gallavich · 27/03/2017 21:12

I also wonder why your standards are so low. What made you accept this for so long?

Goforit2017 · 27/03/2017 21:13

If he has a problem why doesn't he shower after using the toilet?

Original poster

Snotmeitsyou · 27/03/2017 21:16

So I am a desperate loser with low standards. Thanks guys!

OP posts:

theansweris42 · 27/03/2017 21:18

OP you're getting a hard time.
It is possible to normalise stuff.
I think the posters are saying it IS outside the parameters of normal and acceptable.
You've started thinking about why some of it might occur, that's good.
Meantime, reset your boundaries.
It's not acceptable.

theansweris42 · 27/03/2017 21:19

Your OP was a bit shocking.
You're not a loser lovely.
But he needs to address all this and change these habits. If not, you do deserve better than this behaviour.

pineappleeyes · 27/03/2017 21:19

My ex regularly shit himself & got shit everywhere . Up the wall, on his clothes. He once trod it through the house.

After one incident he was on his hands and knees in the bathroom trying to clean it up but as he was reversing his body wiping the floor his shitty arse went on the door & the door ended up covered in shit aswell.

Its disgusting & a massive turn off.

ScarletForYa · 27/03/2017 21:20

OP, don't be angry with us. Be angry with that filthy dirtbag who treats you as a shit shoveller.

There are no prizes for best doormat.

Eminado · 27/03/2017 21:26

OP why are you still with him? Please explain.

Olddear · 27/03/2017 21:31

You thought this wasn't a big deal???!! Did I read that correctly???? I'm stunned you would have to ask if you were being too fussy!! You're not being fussy enough.

ArriettyClock1 · 27/03/2017 21:31

WHY? Why are you with him? It is beyond disgusting.

He's lucked out with you as there can't be another woman on the planet that would tolerate this.

theansweris42 · 27/03/2017 21:33

Some of these posts are unnecessarily mean.

Gertrudeisgerman · 27/03/2017 21:36

Hang on, OP is asking if this is okay so knows on some level it isn't, so stop bitching at her. Sheesh.

OP - is he on drugs? Not the statins but illegal Class A's? MH issues? Memory issues?

redandwhite1 · 27/03/2017 21:41

Apart from the obvious how come you don't live together after 18 years?

RedStripeIassie · 27/03/2017 21:43

I once dicovered some poo had fallen out of an exes pants onto the bed mid sex. Dark days.

user1486669405 · 27/03/2017 21:45

I think there is a level of meanness here too. How is he otherwise? It's far from ideal and whilst I'd rather have a nice man with a nice clean arse, I'd accept an annual anal mishap from an otherwise lovely man, than a relationship with a man who was a shit house in every way but his arse.

HermioneJeanGranger · 27/03/2017 22:20

OP, did you really think this was in ANY way normal or acceptable?

It's vile. I have pets and I'm happy to clean up poo accidents. But they're animals who aren't doing it deliberately. Who aren't capable of cleaning their poo off the floor, so they need me to do it for them. Like small, furry toddlers.

But your DP is an adult who is perfectly capable of a) wiping his arse properly and b) clearing up after himself. I'm astounded that any grown woman would think his behaviour was remotely acceptable.

WeeMcBeastie · 27/03/2017 22:36

I'm sorry but I am absolutely pissing myself laughing at this post. Surely it can't be real?

Original poster

Snotmeitsyou · 28/03/2017 07:40

Glad you think it's funny WeeMc. I was being completely honest and am shocked at some of the bitchy comments here. Won't be here again.

OP posts:

luciole15 · 28/03/2017 08:00

for you OP. I think you just posted at a bad time and your thread trended and snowballed a bit.

If your DP is worth it then see if you can educate him a bit about all this. I'd suspect at, what, 40+ you are never going to manage it. And you will probably notice other things now. I bet he never puts the bins out. And I bet it's not his fault either.

More for you.

blink182 · 28/03/2017 10:04

I think I had a similar situation, I must admit I read this thread at first and can't believe all the harsh comments! But then I remembered my ExW and what she used to do....and I was a little bit sick in my mouth....

She would scratch her bum while lying on the sofa or in bed, and her fingers would smell, in fact a dodgy scent would linger...

But even worse.... sometimes she would then put her finger to her mouth and bite the finger nail.... urgghh.... just thinking about it now makes me want to gag.

Yet I put up with this for 10 years of marriage!!

I did mention it a couple of times subtly, like could you wash your hands please? And she would just act dumb, like they are clean, why do I need to wash them? (In denial!??!)

shudder

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