The yuk factor

[Snotmeitsyou]

Not sure if I am in the right forum here but anyway. DP stays with me most weekends as he works away. Been together for 18 years but not lived together - reluctance on my part really.
DP seems to have some mucky behaviours I struggle with. For example, this weekend he uses loo as usual, flushed several times, then uses loo brush to 'help' contents of pan flush away. Loo brush back in holder, covered in poo. I then have to clean brush and holder.
Last week I found poo smears on wall next to loo roll. He must have got his hands dirty wiping arse then used loo roll.
He recently got into car with big poo smear up back of t-shirt. I guess he wiped bum but belt was in way and smeared his shirt.
Using his car I found crispy stuff under driver's seat - he had wiped nose on hand then wiped under seat I guess.
He can't eat a meal without getting food around face or on clothing/floor.
All this makes me feel queasy and affects how I feel about him. He is a good person but thinks I over react. He finds it funny.
Is it me or am I being a bit too fussy here?

You are completely UNDER-reacting. He is disgusting!

Take a dump in his trainers. Tell him you didn't notice what you were doing.

I'd be cool with this but if he ever got poo on his willy, that would be the end.

This thread should be on The Unexplained.
Surely.

18 years. Eighteen years.

I cannot fathom being with someone so utterly revolting for such a long time.

How do you know it was chocolate and not shit from his shirt?

You need to make it clear this is shit behaviour before the relationship goes down the pan..

I've been with OH for 25 years and I've never seen so much as a skid mark in the lavvy. If he started smearing his clothes and the walls with faeces I'd assume he was having some kind of mental breakdown.

Seriously, this thread has shocked me to the core. What some women put up with.

I have only ever encountered poo smears on the wall from my autistic son. And we managed to sort that out more or less by the time he was 5. From a grown man, it's just beyond grim.

AnyFucker - no need to be offensive.
How come it's me getting told off?

18 years though. Just cannot get over that.

Could you get him a little litter tray?

How come it's me getting told off?

Because what you describe is so shocking and revolting that no one can believe you don't think so too.

Believe me, if you get shit-head to come on the thread we'll tell him off for you.

How did you overlook the muckiness when you first got together then?

Is he having a mini dirty protest?

Im sorry you have to deal with this though Op. It's grim.

Pictures or it didn't happen.

I am not shitshy. Dp had a stoma for a few years and there were a few accidents. Plus a puppy vs poo bag incident.

But I would not tolerate this. Or rather couldn't tolerate it.

If he isn't seeing it show him. Shame him into changing. Dp had a few minging habits which I couldn't tolerate so I told him and he stopped. But he has always been able to wipe his own arse.

The only thing I would say is that I once did have a really, really upset stomach. Made it to the loo in time. Or thought I had but had made a bit of mess on the loo seat. Which got on my nightie (it was about 2am). Which then got on the floor and the wall when I bent down to clean the floor not realising it was on my nightie. And it was on my leg.

A little bit of shit goes a long way. I ended up cleaning the bathroom, floor and walls whilst quietly sobbing at the indignity and horror that I had sharted myself and then having a shower.

If his bowels are regularly loose I can see how it happens but it's completely unacceptable to leave you to clean up. You need to show him and make him clean it up. And also address why he is constantly shitting everywhere. Does he eat healthily? Has he spoken to the doctor about it if it is because of his meds.

It's not just grim, it's dangerous. If he's getting shit on his hands and then touching you, you're at risk of all kinds of hideous infections. You could lose an eye because Mr Mucky wipes his arse with his fingers and rubs it round the light switches.

Wowser - good point. There is a history of passive-aggressive behaviour - he manages to 'forget' things I have asked him to do. Or he'll procrastinate and be indecisive over projects I suggest. Perhaps he'a telling me he thinks our relationship is a load of crap.

Hang on - is he the guy that was on Embarrassing Bodies that time? The one who thought there was something wrong with his bottom because it was all pooey, and Dr Christian diagnosed that he wasn't wiping his arse properly.

I feel a bit sick. Just read this to my DH and we're both astounded.

That's really not normal.

How on earth have you entertained this, frankly inexcusable, disgusting behaviour for one day never mind EIGHTEEN YEARS ?
It's downright dangerous, there is a reason why human beings find faeces disgusting you know, because it's a hazard to our physical wellbeing.
Even my cat can clean his bum, and he wouldn't have smeared anything anywhere ever.
If this man didn't have such a long history with his dirty protest I would have suggested a mental health check up,

I then have to clean brush and holder

No, you didn't.

You should have binned it and packed his bags. Skid marks on his shirt?

Just no.