What's the worst thing a DH/DP has ever said to you?

[Norky1975]

Mine include
"Are you doing any ironing this week?"

Probably the worst (of a long list) was when I challenged him (why) about him having sex with me when I was asleep. At the time he'd said it hadn't happened, then that it wouldn't happen again, then that he had thought I was awake. Months later when we were in his car though he had a rant about "my ass always being open, how can I say I didn't want it when my ass is open etc etc" (I can't remember the exact sequence of words but he went on and on saying the same thing about my ass being open). And then turning it into a question so I had to respond (he's a lawyer so good at very aggressive cross examination).

I know the language isn't as bad as some of the language others exes have used. But something about the way he said it still makes me feel shuddery-sick. And then when we got to work (we both work in the same place) switching right back into calm, friendly, professional, non-sweary mode.

Not in the realm of many of these, but probably recognisable to people who've been with abusive men;

No wonder you're a 36 year old spinster
You're paranoid
You're selfish
Your self-esteem must have been so low for you to be on internet dating
I don't mind your ex cause he was in a ltr with you/planned to marry you - but all the rest used and abused you (he meant for sex)
You look 38 not 28 (re. me saying people often thought I was younger than I was).
You're flaky (when I finished with him after more than a year of controlling behaviour with periodic temper explosions etc.

Ooh, another one. Following me from room to room of the house asking "are you not a prostitute, is that not the behavior of a prostitute etc" again in full cross-examination mode whilst I tried to avoid escalation/get a away from the ranting because I was looking after our two year old. But he kept following me. And then a day later when things were calm again I calmly (and very nicely) tried saying that I understood he was upset etc etc but it's damaging for our son to see his father call his mother a prostitute. And he replied that he wasn't calling me a prostitute, he was asking me if I was a prostitute. Which is technically true but gaaaah. It was the fact that he had to win every discussion, and would through that kind of shit.

Charlotte - should've said "you don't pay me enough to be a prostitute, d*ckhead" ;)
As for the minute wordsmithery .. purlease - "are you not a prostitute" hols no ambiguity to anyone who speaks english ... wanker.

holds not hols

Melville :) seriously though. My heads so full of all of the possible retorts I could have made, but It's hard to respond at the time. Especially when my toddler was in the room - really hard to know how to deal with it. I did respond to his "your fucking ass was fucking open comment" by saying "you obviously know less about female anatomy than you think" but this gave him the opportunity to say much later (with a sad face) and you said I don't know anything about female anatomy. Out of context it makes me look like a bitch. And he can twist anything!

Another thing though - the stuff that was said to you was awful and beyond inexcusable. But why do so many posts start with "of course this is nowhere near as bad as the things other people have posted" and then go on to say something completely horrific. I found myself doing the same thing when I commented....

Charlotte if this man EVER practices in family law, please do report his behaviour to the relevant authorities. He is a cunt.

"You should kill yourself". This was shortly after my brother had killed himself.

"You make me want to kill myself because of how much money I owe you" again shortly after my brother killed himself.

"You are not allowed to cry" because I cried in the shower because I thought he wouldn't hear me cry.

The most bizarre one, which stays with me more than any other, was the row I got from him for not cleaning the cat's litter tray when I was 5 miles away. Allegedly I should have cleaned the fucking litter tray whilst I was at a friend's house 5 miles away. Never mind the fact that he was in the fucking flat while the cat used the litter tray (he was at pains to tell me that the cat used the tray and how it smelled) but allegedly it was my fault that I couldn't clean the fucking litter tray while I wasn't there. No amount of reasoning with him would work.

Thank fuck I am no longer with him. My fiancé is the exact opposite. I love him so much.

TheVirgin...she's not totally worth it, he knows that...or at least he will when it comes to financial settlement when it won't be worth it at all. You can be all of the smug then

That I looked like Bubbles Devere.

'It was only a ball of cells' after I'd had a miscarriage. It was a sign of things to come that I suppose I chose not to think about at the time (there was enough besides going on).
Suffice to say he's now XH.

"Just kill yourself then. Just kill yourself and leave us alone."

My ex is nothing like the horrific monsters on here but what used to really upset me was his making out that I was some awful blight on his and dds' lives. When the dds were babies they were dbf to 6 months and bf up past one, while I did everything - EVERYTHING - for them. And he used to make out that the real unit was them, and I was some annoying dangerous extra person that was a threat to them all. he used to barricade himself into rooms with them to pretend that I was violent. I was never violent. He pushed me across rooms so I fell, sometimes when the dcs were there. I saw him push one of the dds away from him so she staggered and I didn't dare challenge him then.

To this day he thinks he is a nice man.

My dp once said to me if i ever left him he would kill me and chop me uo and then put me in a barrel off acid so no one would find me.

Another is im crazy unstable etc all due to pnd/depression.

No one would ever have you if you left me.

The other day he said i would look like the woman on tv with a slshed face if i ever cheated on him.

And i had fell pregnant and he threatened to end the relationship if i didnt have an abortion but i lost my baby son not long after

A while after my 10yr old daughter died- " I know she died but at least you have two other children, i can never have have kids".
In his defence he is struggling with infertility but omg he really said that to a grieving Mother.... Always remember the pain of that statement.

Oh and this class one....When i found it he had been having an affair for 2.5yrs.... He told me that his mistress had never had an orgasm until she had met him...... What did he wan't a fuc*ing pat on the back a congratulations!!

Jesus littlejo what an utter twat.

I wish mumsnet had been around when I was first married - I don't think I would have stayed with him. Mine are so many but not as violent, more a dripfeed through 30 years of dismissiveness and cruelty. The worst recent thing he said was four days after my mum died and we had to go out for the evening (I didn't want to go but difficult to get out of) 'oh and don't bring everyone down by being all pathetic about your mum - draw a line under it and move on for fucks sake' I don't care any more about him - we inhabit the same house but I am away a lot and now as he is getting older - he is all needy and keeps asking me if I love him. No you fucker - I don't - that ship sailed many years ago. Blames me for my memory -some things you never forget

Lemon You should leave, life is too short to be stuck with a miserable vile shit like that. Is that a possibility?

Oh I just remembered another good one...

When discussing my mum's wedding, which he didn't want to go to because he wanted to go to a gig instead:

'Why do we even have to go? It's her second marriage, it's not even a big deal'.

antigrinch your ex is exactly like the monsters on here.

My ex did that too, took my baby DS and ran away to another room and barricaded them in because I was being scary, "let's get away from scary mummy DS!" He was drunk and it was five am and I told him to leave DS alone because he was drunk - that was the scary thing I did. I called the police.

Oh wow MsGame I didn't know it was a Thing. Well done you for calling the police.
I went to the police twice over things my ex did but I never told him. I reported him for the pushing and shoving while tying myself in knots to stop it going further - trying to have my cake and eat it. I wanted to preserve my dcs' family but I also wanted to record things he had done because one of his things was "and I'm having the children!" (children he has no idea how to look after)

One night he bellowed in front of the girls, who were about 6 and 4 then and perfectly able to understand "You're mental and I'm moving out and I'm taking the children." they cried for hours in their beds saying "we don't want to go with Daddy, we want to stay with you" while I tried to comfort them. Only now do I notice they weren't crying because "we do't want Daddy to leave"!

user1466108618 are you still with him? It sounds like it. You really don't have to put up with that treatment, you know! Keep posting here if you need advice.

Shouted 'BITCH' so often, so loudly right in my face while I was in the front garden he started foaming at the mouth.

It was quite funny really. He would have loved to throttle me but just didn't dare.

I just ignored him and carried on gardening. Riled him up even more. He got so angry I didn't know whether he'd implode or explode.

Ugly little fat twat.