What's the worst thing a DH/DP has ever said to you?

[Norky1975]

Mine include
"Are you doing any ironing this week?"

deepwater71 Please get out of this relationship, this will escalate and get worse. Please consider contacting Women's Aid for advice and support...they saved me! Good luck

MsGameandWatch yes, it's the entitlement, it's terrifying. Your ex is an ex for all the reasons you describe. NC as best you can, as little as possible. You have done the right thing for yourself and your DC. He'll find another victim soon enough, but you have to cut off his oxygen. Look up the "grey rock" method of dealing with these shits

Unfortunately for me, my ex's behaviour escalated hugely post him leaving because the woman he left for is exactly the same. They feed eachother and he does whatever she says. They are utterly evil. They will destroy eachother in time, I am sure. I recall another lovely thing he said to me after he left...."you don't love DS, the only person who will ever love him is me, you don't know how to love, I left because I wanted him to grow up in a house full of love and emotion and you're cold and you can't do that". Fast forward 3 years..."I am several all ties with DS". Utter fucking prick. Unfortunately, this "man" is now living with another child. I despair.

"Severing" not "several"

Re why they speak to people they love like that, Lundy has it - they have a set of beliefs that mean they feel entitled to. That's it, entitlement, that is all.

Yes and someone said earlier abouy mummy issues.

My exes father died when he was in infancy and he didnt need to have a gf as his mother was it. She enabled his vile behaviour. But then again she was pretty nasty to him too and contolling and they fought like a married couple.

He was an overgrown pathetic man child incapable of doing anything for himself. He literally couldnt do anything and also didnt seem to want to.

He is in a dead end job now as i said and he is an ugly worthless loser. I cant believe I ever looked at him twice.

He is married with a kid now and I wonder is he abusive to them.

FreeNiki, I definitely agree with you on upbringing and the role of parents. My ex-h had a miserable childhood, his father was violent, his parents divorced, he had a difficult relationship with his SF during his teens, and indeed his DF and SM abandoned him completely at the same age he's abandoned our our DS. Our DS has ASD, I am absolutely 100% sure that my ex-h is also ASD/ADHD but has gone undiagnosed and is likely to be now he is in his mid-40's. He is best away from our DS who has blossomed since his father chose to cut him out of his life. There is no doubt that his childhood experiences have coloured his ability to have relationships and he is always on the lookout for the "next best thing", however, he has NOT treated any past partners the way he has treated me. He apparently cut them off without a backward glance, but none have been subjected to the abuse I have, which is where OW comes in. It's utterly bizarre and a psychologists dream really.

...and to add to that, he has "mummy" issues, has an unhealthy interest in older women (much much older) and indeed OW is much older than him. He wants to be mollycoddled and looked after like a baby. I am afraid that as a functioning adult with two children, one with significant additional needs, I was not prepared to do that. He needs help but will never get it. However, in his head, it's me who needs help as I am "mental", "psychotic", "deranged" and "everybody knows it". They don't .

I was called cunt by my Ex on a daily basis. Called a fat cunt frequently. I was about a size 4-6 from the stress of the relationship and practically skin and bone. I was crazy, psycho etc etc.

Current DP? I literally am racking my brains for anything hurtful that he's said to me and coming up empty. Life is so tranquil now - even with a full on life where I feel like I never get a minute with all I need to do, the peacefulness of not having a fuckwit in your head taking up headspace is so wonderful.

My abusive ex had an unhealthy family dynamic too. His grandfather was physically violent until his father and uncles gave him a dose of his own medicine when they finally grew up. Ex's father is all other forms of abusive but non-physically abusive to his mother but as he's not punching her lights out daily like his father was to his mother he's clearly sainted altogether.

Ex was physically, financially, sexually, emotionally abusive. He didn't lick it off the ground.

TheFormidableMrsC

I was my exes first gf and we were at uni. So I often wonder was it just me he treated so badly. However that kind of selfishness is pretty hard to change.

One thing that has never changed is how lazy he is. He has done nothing with his life at all and lives off someone else by the look of it.

That I'm thick.
That I'm stupid.
That I'm lazy.
That he'd be embarrassed if his family saw the state of the house.
this from a man who doesn't know how to operate a washing machine, never did a school run, or a school lunch, a man who sat on his arse for years and complained. Apparently he should have listened when every psychiatrist he ever had told him it was me, not him.
One of the most scary things ( I had a thread about it on here at the time) was when he told me I needed to breath differently in a sentence so that I don't lead him on with bad punctuation. When questioned about this the following day he said that my reality was different to his and we all live in different realities. But of course I was the barmy one. I thought it was me for so long. Some days I still do. I have nightmares. I cry in strange places at stupid things.
He's been gone a while now but still managed to call me a fat little parasite the other day.

Jaysis, it's definitely a pattern, it's very frightening as you just don't know what you're dealing with until it's too late .

FreeNiki It's hard to tell really, I imagine most people like that just continue on with the same behaviour, I doubt you were the last sadly. My ex is a freeloader too...to quite an astonishing entitled extent. He once referred to me as his "pension" due to my fathers wealth . OW's parents are probably his pension now! Lucky them!

Dawndonnaagain Same old, same old isn't it? It's not them, it's YOU! I recall your breathing thing actually, different reality for him most definitely...utterly psycho behaviour for the rest of us! I mentioned upthread that I'd been called a parasite too. They are all reading from the same narc script aren't they?

God this was hard reading I'm so sorry to all of you who have been abused and glad most of you are away from these toxic excuse for human beings. It's easy to live in a bubble where you only know decent men and can't believe this stuff happens. These men are walking among us... why are they so nasty? Why is it so common? I have two sons and would want to die if they ended up being such a nasty, bitter cunt. I hope something happened in their past to cause it and it's not just natural.. I really hope as mums we can influence this by teaching them to be good people.

You're a bitch/cunt
Shut the fuck up
I'm only angry when I'm around you
Fuck off

I think he strongly resents me and our 2 boys. I don't know, honestly anytime I pull him on this he shouts about how sensitive I am, I need to get over it and I'm always accusing him of being a bad dad (never once said this), it's probably just to deflect and stop me pulling him up on his shit but it works.

Agree with the mommy issues, his dad left when he was 2. His mom brought them up to believe that no one outside the 5 of them could be trusted. It's a bit disturbing the hold she has over them.

So , and at these. Wankers, each and every one.

Although kingjoffrey's 'even the cat shat on my wedding dress' tickled me pink

I could kill you now if I wanted to.

Fucking monster
Fucking bitch
Fucking apologise
Bipolar (when I was sobbing my heart out)
More that I can't be arsed to recall. Can't believe I left it so long to LTB!

My XP had some classics:

You'll always have people abuse you, you make us that way (my dad was abusive - as obviously was my XP)

You're getting fat, I wouldn't eat that if I were you (I have never been fat).

I hope you die during the csection because it'll save me solicitors fees when I take the girls from you.

Always that I was Crazy, mental, fucked up in the head etc.

You're just a lazy bitch (as I was supposed to be resting after having my csection scar restitched because I tore of open doing too much too soon - I'd asked him if he could do the dishes that night for me)

Had a lot of, do as I say or I'll take the children away, make a fake social services call, or even once that he's kill himself.

The worst things though were times when he'd deny the physical abuse in front of other people, or lie about what had happened. He always did it in a way that made me doubt the bruises, hurt etc to think I was actually mad!

I don't get the sense of entitlement explanation for saying such disgusting things to the people closest to them.

With my ex he was a plain bully when he didn't get his own way. I have also thought about it a lot and realised he treats men completely differently from women (Coward.) He turned particularly nasty and said cruel things when I didn't want him back after he left. Is that entitlement?

On telling him that I was devastated when I found out about his emotional affair having read 'love' poem type stuff , he said 'yes, I can see that'. I think it deserved a bit more than that in a 20 year marriage

That's entitlement, Go

You've made me think about killing myself so why don't you get a knife and do it for me (as he had me backed into a corner, towering over me, me sobbing)

This thread has actually brought back some very unpleasant memories and feelings.

Im angry at myself for putting up with it. Such a waste of life.

my ex told me he was going to kill our unborn son. he told me a billion horrid things

Theformidablemrsc I am coming to that conclusion. I don't want to put too much on here in case I out myself but its got really bad again. My job and home are tied up in all this but Im slowly getting things lined up. Womens aid were involved but I convinced myself it was me that was the problem I just know that no one in my real life world will believe hes capable of these things he comes across as very much the victim in his life and everybodys bestfriend/do anything for anybody type.Thankyou.

My ex told me that he regretted marrying me, it was all a mistake and that we had nothing in common very soon as I found out I was pregnant with a planned baby. He also thought vaginas looked like hairy axe wounds. Thank god he's gone