Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

We talk a bit in here about what we don't want from someone, what does everyone want from someone.

You can be very specific here because it's us lot, what's your IDEAL situation to find?

Mine would be:

Mid 30s to early 40s
Pretty (to me)
Ideally have a daughter around the same age as my daughter for her to play with
Hardly drinks
Doesn't smoke
Loves music
Likes cars
Likes a little bit of gaming
Doesn't live too far away
No drama, no fighty bitey ex
No pets
Loves quiet things, family days and snuggling up for some films and that
Very affectionate.
Likes holidays here and there but isn't a global jet setter.
Definitely employed
Southern or European accent
Somewhere I can park my car off the street

Again this isn't what I'm looking for as I'll likely never find it, this is the ideal!!

Rockluvvindad Oh, I don't take offence at anything said on this thread. We're all going through the emotional mill, I'm sure everything (harsh or not) is written with the best of intentions. The whole point of this thread is that we say crap to each other and work it out so we don't appear like crazies IRL.

I'm having a few wobbles (because I'm human) but I know I am happy being on my own. I had quite a few serious long-term relationships and I've only really got comfortable with my own company in the last few years. I am confident of that. I am not reconsidering out of desperation. (You can say it.)

I feel like Beardy and I were totally on the same page emotionally and physically. The differences we had were many, but just detail - nothing fundamentally important. The non-negotiables were non-negotiable and actual problems... but now I am genuinely wondering if they're just things I've got used to saying and thinking as opposed to actually being true. Does that make sense?

I would never have had a child with my ex. We were together for longer than many marriages but I knew subconsciously I didn't want half his genes and/or to bind myself to him forever. I also thought he would be a crap parent.

So... is it me, or is it the man? I am frantically trying to figure it out. I've never really given this much thought. I think it's important to figure it out. I mean, even if I never see Beardy again, I might meet a similar Beardy and I'll have to know the answer to this sooner or later.

I think that's good advice from RLD.

InfoSec21 what do you mean by no drama/fighty bitey ex? My ex is more annoying than anything.

pringlecat I've always thought it was an easy thing to know if you genuinely didn't want kids or if you didn't want them in certain circumstances. But I've always wanted children so no personal experience.

Then again, someone I know didn't want kids and had a planned baby last year, which may have been due to her partner. If you did have a relationship with Beardy, had a child with him then the relationship ended, how would you feel?

InfoSec21 Re accents, it's not so much the accent, but the tone. For me, I really like a deep, manly voice. I don't care what a man looks like, if he sounds like Mr Rickman, I'll compromise on everything else.

Allthembuckets Something else I've been reflecting on. You go into a relationship and have children expecting it to work out perfectly. But do I have enough love in me to raise a child by myself? I mean, you could fall in love with the most amazing person and have the most gorgeous, healthy baby and want to be together forever and ever... and then your partner could die. Parenthood always carries the risk of single parenthood. Could I do that? Could I love a child enough to make the sacrifices that would inevitably be required?

I don't know the answer. One of the things helping stopping me from caving and contacting Beardy is I don't know the answer yet.

By fighty bitey, I meant like an ex that was hanging around, aggressive, would mess with your car, generally always be causing drama.

Like if pretty much every time you spoke to her there was a new story about messages he was sending or whatever. I've heard others speak of this sort of thing and it's not something I would ever live with.

pringlecat That's the thing, I really didn't expect to have a "failed" marriage as we're both from single parent families and neither of us were in contact with our fathers. So, I thought it was important to try, especially as DD is a Daddy's girl. With death, you have no control and rare events for happen! I had a very rare health issue a few years ago and nearly died, so shit does happen.

InfoSec21 OIC. I would find that annoying and not something I would want to deal with. That's the thing of having a child with my ex, always a connection and DD has a good relationship with his family so I see/speak to them quite often.

info love your list of wants, I have a big list which is probably why I can't find anyone , ideally my Mr Right would;

• like animals
• love the outdoors
• hate football
• like cars but not be a boy racer
• like walking
• slim or average body type
• Tattoos
• Either have older children or no children at all
• Empolyed
• Not in debt
• like art or/and photography
• Not like gaming
• like to keep fit but not be obsessed with it
• Be good in bed

Would be a bonus if they;

• own a horse
• have their own home
• have a nice car

See I'm not too fussy

I'm all of that but my daughter is 11 and I like a little bit of gaming ha ha :)

Oh and I don't have a horse!!

My youngest dd is 11, my last partner had a 5 and a 8 year old and I just felt like 'I had already done my time with tantrums and dressing up as princesses' (twice as I had step children with my exh), so this is the reason for not wanting someone with young children. 11+ is fine but no younger than my dd.

info any plans on buying a horse in the future?

I'm not a fan of gaming, mainly because I like a lot of attention so could get fed up if a partner is glued to a Xbox instead of cuddled up with me.

Oh, and I forgot that he must have a beard or at least a bit of stubble.

I'm meant to be going out with Mr Nice tomorrow, I am now remembering how boring the first date was and how clean shaven, short and overweight he is . Not sure if I should go but then again I have nothing else to do tomorrow.

Lovemusic33 What did you like about Mr Nice? Anything? Given you found him dull, it doesn't even sound like his niceness appealed.

just joined thread but wanted to ask how common is ghosting in old? had it happen a few times now and beginning to wonder is it me? how do I spot a potential ghoster? any tips?

My Mr Right would:
*have an Xbox, I'm a gamer and it would be nice to play co-op offline.
*like music (preferably rock but I have an eclectic taste)

• Employed
• Not in debt *Have no children (just the hassle of arranging childcare and what if your children hate each other?) *Like going to the pub to play pool and dancing later. *Have a car. *Age range of 29 to late 30s

Preferably
*Like F1

Doesn't seem like much? I'm shy and fussy but been single for over 2 years now. Granted, not actively looking for a relationship until recently! And when I do go out its with a male friend, so it's assumed he's my bf.

Lovemusic33 it sounds like you'd be better off cancelling but I would prefer having time to relax, you might find it's more beneficial to get out?

user1490465531 what's ghosting?

My list

Aged 34-41
Taller than 5'11"
Athletic figure
Keeps fit
Doesn't smoke but doesn't mind me vaping
Lives within 10-15 miles of me
Drives
No kids (ideally)
No pets
Affectionate
Wants to settle down
Doesn't want to go off traveling the world
Enjoys having the odd drink ing binge
Manly man

Wish me luck with this!

allthembuckets ghosting is where someone just falls off the planet without a trace. Usually when they're meant to be going on a date

Nobody has any crazy requirements so far do they, this is all reasonable stuff!!

My list was -

Has a job
Must be able to drive and have car
Within 15 miles of me
Own hair and teeth
Athletic body
Good at cuddles
Enjoys nights at cinema meals out
Nights in watching films, listening to music
A family person
Accept I have a child
Not a player

The guy I have met is all those apart from the body (he's got a bit of a belly lol) he's not really a cuddler and he's bald. I still fancy him like mad though as he has an amazing personality x

Also had to be taller than 5ft 10 and be aged between 40-48 x

Thattwatoverthere Ah, think that might be happening to me, sent a message last night confirming I was available for a date on Weds (was dependant on getting childcare) and not a peep back. Not really bothered though, more of a c'est la vie attitude. Also not sure if I should expect a response by now.

ha ha love the lists! used to have one myself but right now just getting a date would be nice lol

Forgot about the distance! Preferably within 10 miles. Ha I say that and it's 16 miles to a town I know and talking to 2 guys who live there. My friend lives there so I've been there a lot. Then again, it only takes 30 mins to drive there, another town is closer distance wise but it can take 1 hour to get there.

Lists, bloody lists

Well comparing my ideal with the person I'm seeing right now....

*Not too tall, preferably no more than 5ft 10 - he's 6ft 2
*No older than about 3-4 years older than me - he's 9 years older
*Very intelligent -yes
*Good in bed - yes
*Alternative - yes
*Loves outdoor pursuits like gardening- he will not countenance gardening "because there are spiders"
*Loves travelling - yes
*Not into any crap like gaming - Guess what he does for a FUCKING JOB?!?!
*Not a Tory or a Brexiter- nope, he isn't
*Doesn't drive a BMW or similar wankmobile - amusingly, we have pretty much identical cars
*Is a feminist, or sympathetic to feminist principles - broadly, yes. but I think he could still do with further education in this matter
*Has kids - nope
*Doesn't want any more kids - well, he has made noises about being broody, but I'm not sure how serious he is. If we stay together, he'll have to accept that there's no way I'm having any more kids.
*Isn't a total domestic slob - No, quite tidy
*Emotionally open - yes and no. Potential for progress though.
*Sensible with money, lives within his means - Yes.

Oh yeah, loves spending time in the pub and getting pleasantly sozzled - he's a teetotaller.

Goes to show you can't win 'em all eh....