Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

InfoSec hope you hear from Lois Lane soon. I hate when people read a message and don't reply - drives me mad.

I feel that way too... when sober! But I overthink a lot of things too.

InfoSec, I met up for the first time with someone on Monday for coffee, it went really well. I know his work requires a lot of 'phone time for him and he's not a full-on texter. I sent him a message this afternoon thanking him for coffee two days ago. He took two and a half hours replying but his message, which was funny and warm, clearly spelt out that he wanted to see me again for a proper date.

I'm just saying. Not everybody answers immediately

Info I hope you hear from LL soon! It can be torturous but hang in there!

LM that sounds awful. There are some freaks out there, and lots of men on POF seem to have a chip on their shoulder. I would rationalise it as none of those people are worth your time and concern, so try to block it out.

Mother I know what you mean. I had a first date arranged once that involved walking off the beaten track, and I bottled it at the last minute and asked if we could stay in the village instead of walking. He was a bit mock offended but I just said it was against all recommendations to go somewhere secluded with a relative stranger, and I was trying to be responsible. My first date with my last partner though, I did let him pick me up. But we'd been talking on the phone nightly for 2 weeks and friended on Facebook so I felt I had the measure of him, iyswim. Trust your instincts and only die what you are comfortable with, and if he's a decent man, he will respect that.

1968 welcome! I know what you mean about men vs the independent woman! My main advice is to not compromise yourself or dumb yourself down to try to fit their expectations. Be 100% yourself and wait for the right one who fits for you as you are.

Plenty, runny good luck!

Thattwat your story is lovely, keep us posted!

I had date 3 with Mr Web tonight. Home now as he had to collect his children, but he arranged it so we could meet for a couple of hours instead of waiting til next week. Damn his kisses are getting more lush by the date!

He's just gorgeous I'm a bit goofy and nervous around him but he doesn't seem to mind!

Meeting again on Monday. We will both be child-free so I'm half wondering about MB, but I'm not sure if it's too soon. Also, my bedroom is badly in need of decorating, it's a really bad state. So I'd prefer his house, but that relies on him inviting me! Plus I have a dog etc. Argh! Maybe I should just get a builder in and sort my room out super fast so I can call the shots on that one!

Is she good for just dates or could you see yourself with her?

Is this generally how men think then? Think I'm only good for dates.

I'm one of those who thinks that someone should reply if they do like you and I know if I like someone I always do. Everyone is different though.

Good evening can I please have your help?

I broke up with a guy about a month and a bit ago and finally signed up to tinder.

I have been there only 3 days and a guy chatted to me with whom I have a connection that I feel with very few.

He is good looking, clever, great job and he also told me we have a connection (which I believe). I am 40 and wasn't expecting this so soon, I thought it was a distraction.

Can it really be so easy? The only issue is I said I am 35, is it bad?

I am almost completely recovered from my break up, this new guy is now dominating my dreams. Maybe I am fickle.

fortuna you just reminded me that info asked me that question... Never answered.

So to info, I don't really think in those terms... If I like them enough to date I kind of assume that it has the potential to be more. What that "more" might be could be anything from fb to marriage if that makes sense... Only time and the dating gods will tell !

Fortuna does the above answer your question ? Every man will think differently. Players will have an objective... They will date to achieve that objective. Those looking for marriage will date with that in mind... And there will be loads of permutations inbetween. My goal at the moment is to date to find someone I want to share my life with. Previously it has been to find someone to sleep with ( and I have been very honest about that when I have ). If I don't think the person I have met will meet my "objective" then I will not continue to date them... I don't ant to break hearts and hurt people as I go through this process...

ThisIsTheRightTime, neither of you contacted for two days after the date?! That's a looong time!!

Heart welcome! I think thinking about someone new can be a very effective way of getting over someone. How long were you together?

I'd say take it steady with the new one, try hard not to over invest early on. Of course amazing connections like that can and do happen. It might well work out to be just what you need and go on to be a lovely relationship, but then again it might not. Be careful if he's saying too much too soon in terms of how he feels etc, that can be a red flag. Not always, but sometimes. It can be fake. And then it's harder if it all falls flat.

Enjoy the attention but keep your mind open and light until you've met a few times and feel more secure with it

Thanks oncemore. I have been in love with the other guy for 23 years, although we had only reconnected recently (we were high school sweethearts).

He is flirting so much (the new guy), nothing sexual though. Not saying anything about feelings but he really wants to meet up.

But what do I say about my age?

This is really a godsend, I was crying and really quite depressed about the other guy and then this one comes and we have so so much in common (similar job, similar passion for literature).

I will let you know we are going to take it really slowly but I am excited. I never, ever thought that this could happen. Thank you tinder!!

Yes, InfoSec21 but when we were having coffee we were talking about how spontaneity can be hard when arranging to meet up with friends, etc. and he told me he'd learned over time to arrange things a week ahead with his friends who had children although it went against the grain. I answered that I loved spontaneity and wished I could do that more (not easy as a single parent with a full-time job) to which he answered (I'm translating from French here, sorry) "Damn, I was hoping to get a second date from you right now but now it'll seem too planned and not spontaneous enough!"

I also told during that first date that I'd appreciated how relaxed communication was with him and that I didn't appreciate how others often bombarded me with messages, etc. So he may have taken that on board.

Truly, waiting two days before communicating doesn't shock me. Like many others I've had my fair share of overly enthusiastic communicators who have more often than not disappeared in a puff of smoke. This man seems different from them.

I've received a second message (adorable but not overboard) saying he'd call me tomorrow.

Have you had any news yet, InfoSec?

Great explanation rockluvdad ! Yeah I just wish guys would be more honest about what their 'objective' is.

Guy I was seeing 5 months wasn't looking for anything serious but it wasn't clear to me he wasn't

Good date. Funny. We talked solidly for a few hours. There was definitely a massive spark, in that we made each other laugh and had a rapport. I wasn't sure if there was chemistry. But, mid conversation I blurted out 'so can I see you again?' And she said 'yes, obviously'

I kissed her on the train platform while waiting for our trains. There was chemistry.

Looking good for you Bant

Good style Bant, this sounds very promising!!

I wish I'd asked LL on the date now!!

Great news bant

Great news Bant! Sounds very promising

Fortuna- it is shitty when guys do not let their intentions be known. I think dating honestly is what we all as more mature singletons owe each other and I try to be as honest as possible.

I just got back from my date. Feel so open and relaxed with Mr pizza. Mb helpings were served until 3am...Just got to see how it goes moving forward but he seems great and we talk loads and he is definitely not a game player. For a change!

MB until 3 and then on here at 7.30, you must be knackered today!!!

Info still nothing from LL?....

Still nothing from LL no.

I know it's been said that everyone works differently but I still think it's bad form to just say nothing after someone has quickly made their position clear.

I'm hoping she just hasn't answered yet but will answer at some point because just not giving an answer is really rude.

Info I'm a great believer in "it only takes 30 seconds to text someone" and "if it's important, you make the time". I don't get this delayed replying thing. If you have 30 seconds to read a message, you have 30 seconds to reply, even if it is "I'm literally going into surgery (or whatever), text you later".

I agree it's bad form not to reply to a question when you read the message. But I personally like to think about whether I might like a date and not say yes until I know and know when I might be able to do it - but on balance I think she should have replied by now. :(

Just out of curiosity, is she definitely a surgeon?

after worrying should I get a lift with my date on Friday i thought it's safe.

Then he suggested picking me up at 11pm. I know bars are open til 2 but I'd be in bed by 11pm what would I do waiting til then?

It just seems a bit weird to me

She's definitely a surgeon. What I can tell you is that she only does one day per week in surgery and the rest is clinics. So, if you're on a long waiting list for an op, that's probably why.

I'm just glad I followed Bant's advice and turned off the time stamp. I'd be just about insane by now if I was looking at that ha ha!

info that's a shame she hasn't replied. And a bit rude when you know she's read your message.

Bant your date sounds great. Hope you have date 2.

Plentyoffishnets MB til 3am I am jealous! He sounds great.

Question about the exclusivity chat. Date 4 with Mr Gym went well. As far as I know he survived my cooking. I was going to talk about exclusivity but there didn't seem to be the right moment.
I won't be able to see him for at least a week. Should I wait til I see him again? Or could I text him and let him know that i have deleted my profile and I'm not chatting with anyone else? Then see how he responds.
I'm not very good with serious talks face to face, so texting is my easy option.