Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

InfoSec21 If you want to see her again, either state it on the date or send her a text soon afterwards. None of this waiting crap.

What I really like is when a guy says in person he would like to see me again, but he'll wait to hear from me re whether I'd like to meet up again too. It make his intention clear without putting me on the spot.

You can say you'd like to without asking for commitment.

"it would be great to meet up again if you'd like that, I'll drop you a text tomorrow".

Just read your ore opus post Info, v good news. Hope it goes well.

Hmm, *previous!

info I think if you've had a good date and feel that she has too there's nothing wrong with saying you'd love to see her again. If you're both on the same page you have another date and if you're not you have your answer

My ex of 16 years accepted my Facebook request last night!!! Now I need to work out how to stop my brain truly flying away with me...

Oh and I hope it goes well!

You lot, all out having dates. Where do you find the energy? I think I've run out of it again.

I agree with the others about talk of a next date. A kind of restrained keen wins for me!

Great news info. If the date goes well then just say you'd like to do it again. And just see how she responds. If she seems keen then say you'll text her later to arrange when. Then there's no pressure on either of you to agree to anything immediately.

I prefer not to be put on the spot. At the end of the date if its been good both are usually smiling a lot and I prefer just to agree to contact.

A date I had a few weeks ago I wasnt sure about . Although fun lovely date I needed time to think about it and decided not to see him again as out lives long term were too different.

-but once in a while you get on so well its a question of when can you meet next and not if-

and strikethrough failed in last sentence

Ahhh great news info what was it you said to me when I first met Mr Web: be yourself and you'll be fine

I absolutely did the next date thing all wrong in date 1 with Mr Web - I asked him outright if he'd like to do it again! I know I know, but it just came out... we were both smiling so much and saying what a nice evening we'd had. Lucky for me it was a genuine yes as we met again the next day and now planning date 3 for next week.

But yes, normally safest to express a wish to meet again and then leave it for text as it would be super awkward if one person was unsure or a definite no.

If messaging someone on Tinder/Bumble/Happn how do you tackle the question of what the other person is looking for? I sometimes just ask, but sometimes the replies are ambiguous. I'm probably guilty of that myself to some extent as whilst I'm not looking for casual sex, I'm not necessarily looking for "the one". What do you say? What do you ask?

info - I usually don't ask for a second date during the first date, as I've been on the receiving end of some awkwardness when I fancied her and asked her outright, and she didn't fancy me back.

But if things are going well and there's lots of eye contact and chemistry, then I talk a bit vaguely about other things we could possibly do, and see if she responds positively to the idea of that.

Then I say I'll message her later.

pavonia just say 'so what are you looking for on here?'

It's a perfectly legitimate question. You may not always hear what you want, and it may not always be the truth, but it's better than trying to read between the lines.

Bant I'm glad you think that too. I think it is probably best asked very early on, but I have sometimes felt shy about asking. Once a lot of messaging has been done it can appear insulting to ask.

Morning all, I usually lurk on here and take onboard advice given. But I'd like some advice, especially from the men on here. There's a man I work with, that I really like but I generally apply a don't date people I work with rule because my fingers have been badly burnt in the past. Anyway, I forgot my rule for this man and sent a work colleague on a fishing expedition to find out his situation to see if he would be worth pursuing. She reported no-go mainly because she couldn't extract any information from him (he's quite private) and she felt he wouldn't be right for me because of his level of chat (which I was quite surprised by because our chat's had been quite interesting & thought stimulating). I said OK, then forgot about him and haven't seen him for about 2 months (we work opposite shifts).

Anyway we worked together twice last week and yesterday.

Yesterday quite randomly he invited me out to a social event, in front of everybody else, which I can't make because I have other plans. But after I turned him down he turned it into a group wide invite trying to encourage a couple of people to come along to the event. And then he tried to convince me to cancel my plans or talk my friend into coming to this event instead of what we're planning to do. I agreed to have a chat with my friend about it and let him know.

It was a lovely day yesterday so I walked to work and forgot about the practicalities of it not being very safe to walk home when my shift ended (11.30pm). So when I mentioned that I was walking home, he offered to walk me home (two other male colleagues offered to drive me home, but I declined their offers and we all had a joke about me being spoilt for choice).

Anyway we walked home, had a laugh and a joke and when I got home he mentioned that he wouldn't see me until May (I forgot that he had been comparing our shifts and had a little moan that he never see's me at work). He said I should keep in touch and drop him an email every now and again. We said goodnight and then he went home.

My question is, should I send him an email with my number? Or should I wait until I next see him in May and let him find his own way to ask me for my number?

10 years ago I would have pounced on him and dragged him inside aka eaten him alive. But I've been reflecting on my past dating history and realised that I've invested a lot of time in pursuing men and none of those relationship's have lasted. I promised myself that I would let a man know I'm interested, but let the man do the pursuing hence me being patient and less controlling.

Sorry for the long post to ask a simple question.

NurseButtercup I would advise to email with your number but I don't trust my instincts and am probably wrong, it sounds like he is interested but what do others think?

It all sounds exciting for everyone else!

I haven't asked Mr Xbox out. He's been working long hours and I've had pain since the weekend, lack of sleep and lots of work stress so feeling meh about OLD as a whole.

OKC isn't loading anything - do I need to uninstalled it then reinstall to fix that? Will that then remove any messages I've been sent? I got one saying "Hi" not sure whether to respond to that, what does everyone else think?

Also, what about a common interest? I usually play the Xbox, watch Netflix etc in the evenings, if someone isn't into that then is there any point? I would have thought lots of late 20s/early 30s men would like gaming.

Nurse buttercup, that sounds really promising. I know what you mean about past dating history and I am trying to apply a similar strategy going forwards too.
I think I would send him a quick email saying would be good to chat, and maybe ask him if he's on WhatsApp (assuming you are too) and say you find it easier to chat on there and give your number. Then hope he chats away via there as emails can end up a bit formal.and long winded. Sounds like he definitely likes you - good luck!

got a reply back from my Lois Lane equivalent who kept looking at me and I then emailed.

he has a lovely profile and his reply was lovely too. but he doesnt spend enough time in my location to take forward.

probably too good for me too and I wouldnt often say that.

Sad I cant get to date him - we match amazingly and love the way he writes

Glad you can meet your Lois and hope it goes well Info

Quick poll of you dating gurus. When do you throw in the towel with an iron who seems uninterested/if you feel like you might be being strung along? Had 2 dates with a very very proactive guy who then went completely the other day, won't give a definitive answer about date 3 but claims he's still totally interested (though has clearly dropped off from before. I haven't seen him for a week and a half now and waiting for him to "get back to me" about whether he is free tomorrow. I'm a bit disappointed but wondering do you block/delete/move on, or just move them to the back burner and do nothing?

Do nothing, just ignore them. If you get fed up of seeing them, then block.

Princess I'd let that iron go cold, personally. I don't want someone to be too eager but I can't be doing with lukewarm either, which he sounds.

Princess personally I probably wouldn't block just yet if there was still some obvious interest, but if tomorrow doesn't come off, I'd probably move on.

Nurse that sounds promising! I'd probably just email for the first go, wait and see what he replies with, and then move on to sharing numbers. You never know, if you just email once, he might offer up his number first, which would be nice for you.

Nurse go for it... Life is too short ! Give him your number, suggest a coffee / drink and go nuts ! You might end up happy ever after. If not, you're not seeing him that often that it will be a problem.

Allthem I would love to find a female gamer... It is probably one of my biggest hobbies in terms of spare time consumed ( though I actually refuse to game when the sun is shining and I could get outside ! ). Not so many of them in my age bracket though 40 - 50 ish.

It's countdown to the date with Ms. Dancer now... Meeting at 17:30 at wonderfully quirky little cocktail bar... I'm actually nervous, which it really unusual for me.

Tindr has gone crazy over the last few days. Had more matches on Sunday than I can remember having since I used it !

Info I never ask that question on the date unless it's blatantly obvious it's going to be a yes. I'll always text really quickly afterwards to ask though if I liked them. That said, I'm normally pretty quick to message if I don't think there is a point in meeting again.

Allthembuckets, Rockluvvindad, OnceMoreIntoTheBleach, Plentyoffishnets thanks for your advice. I'm going to do as suggested and send him an email with my number and suggest we meetup.
I've been on sooooo many dates with men who are disingenuous, that I've ended up creating all these stupid rules that I'm doubting myself, not following my gut instincts and forgetting that dating is supposed to be fun and it's a two- way street!! Wish me luck I promise to keep you updated