Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Shatners I think OKC would be more you . But depends on numbers as you say. Looking at some mens answers has also saved me several times from replying to guys unsuitable for me

Looks like I've been ghosted by Mr Gym. I've had no reply to my message asking for a date on Wednesday. But I can see he read the message this morning and has been on WA most of the day. I feel so stupid because I thought he really liked me.
I don't know whether to send him a final message tomorrow saying what I think or just ignore him completely.

Runny thats so shite. When that happened to me I left it as I dont chase anyone.

Runny that's horrible Similar thing happened to me with Mr Planes after we'd arranged a Saturday night and I'd organise childcare etc. I sent one final message saying my time and babysitting are both precious, and that if he'd changed his mind it would have been good of him to tell me.

I didn't want to ignore without saying something to let him know his behaviour was sub-standard.

Meant to add, it wasn't chasing. More like a telling off!

I'd never agree to anything further with someone who has such low personal standards of common courtesy.

Little advice needed please.

Lois Lane has been on What's App a few times tonight but hasn't messaged me. That's no contact since yesterday.

Should I totally leave it or drop her a message to ask if she fancies a phone chat or organise a date or something.

I'm getting the impression she isn't interested but she had seemed really interested before. Not sure if it's best to just totally hang back now or move to strike.

Re attraction, I too don't develop crushes or feelings based on looks alone. Characters yes, actors no. It's all about personality for me, but having said that, I do also need to find them physically appealing, but that can be as much to do with the ways they walk and talk as it is to do with their physical facial features.

So with OLD, it is a bit of a lottery! Appealing or at least not offensive photo + interesting blurb + witty and respectful messaging/phone calls + all those still being present at first meeting + them liking me back = winner! Easy, right?

Info I think if it was me I'd let it go. Think it's time for her to step up a little

Info that's a tricky one. Some people use WA for friends etc so it's possible she's using it for other non-dating conversations and not distinctly ignoring you.

I'd be tempted to just ask her, something like 'would you like to carry on chatting/meet up or shall I leave you to it?'. The worst she can do is continue to not respond.

I'm sure one of the team will have better words of wisdom than me though!

Info a doctor relative told me that he is in a doctor group that uses Whats app for a work related purpose. Its encrypted so they can say sensitive stuff on it.

One other possible reason.

But who knows .

Tough for you

info I'd be tempted to send a message asking for a chat or even a date. Just to see what response you get. But I like to have the last word!

I've sent Mr Gym a text saying that if doesn't want to see me again then he should just tell me and not just ignore me. It's more polite than I'm actually thinking but I want to see if he responds at all.

It's tricky isn't it because asking someone if they want to keep chatting is often seen as a negative move or like pressuring them or pestering or whatever.

My golden rule was always that if someone wants to message you, they will. She isn't.

I think I will make it as casual as possible but try to make it clear that I'm totally uncertain as to whether she's still continuing this or not.

Just to prove that sometimes sending one last message can work, Mr Gym has replied. Says he's had a hectic day and no time for texting. But he would like to see me on Wednesday. Sounds good except I know he's been on WhatsApp quite a bit today . I normally keep 'last seen' turned off to avoid this sort of paranoia.

RunnyMummy I'm a nightmare with that last seen on Whatsapp I'm forever checking it and wondering who he is talking with. It's such a bad thing.

I had a pleasant date yesterday. We just went for a walk and sat on a bench and talked. I've been old for a year and I've never had a second date. Meet up with about 10 people.

I need to stop being a one date wonder! I wasn't really attracted to him but we've arrange a second date. sometimes attraction grows and he was nice and interesting.

Don't forget though that by going on there to check, you are also leaving your time stamp, so will show as being on and off all day and not messaging.

Having said that, I too am paranoid

Mother I like to think it can grow. I also think it's good to remember that if that attraction to a particular 'type' didn't work out in the past, it's not a bad idea to try something different.

info

Whatsapp is horrible, fake, unnatural and completely irreplaceable...

Change your settings so people can't see your login time, and you can't see theirs. Believe me, it's saves a lot of stress in the long run.

If you'd met her in a bar, naturally, in the olden days, you wouldn't have a clue. Your watching her logon times is like having a friend following her and saying 'well she went went to work today, she went to the shops, her phones working because I could look through her window and see her on it' - it's odd and it's understandable but it's obsessive.

Turn it off, send her a message, casual and breezy, funny, about something you talked about.

You see posts on here about men who get all possessive and pissy about women being on OD sites and how dare they, and the justified response that it's none of the man's business.

She's a surgeon. She's very intelligent, and very stressed, and very busy. She's possibly too good for you. And isn't that what we all want, someone who is too good for us but doesn't know it, and thinks the same of us?

Send a casual text about something OTHER THAN her failure to be in touch. Be cool. Be calm. Be friendly. Don't stalk her. Give her a chance to see you're great and contact her when she wants to.

If she doesn't, then she doesn't. Her loss.

But please, mate, turn off the timestamp.

On other news, I have a first date on Wednesday. Possibly there'll be no chemistry. But.. hope springs eternal.

Also, she's made me laugh out loud often enough that my kids want to know who I'm talking to.

This one is half an hour from me. Not much free time, with her kids, but, enough that we could make something work.

I'm not going to give her a pseudonym

Someone making you laugh out loud is always a great start - good luck bant

Bant Good luck. And do keep on hoping. It's the only way to survive this game.

motheroreily I've never made it past 3 dates myself! It definitely feels like there are dating achievements to unlock - first OLD meet, gold sticker. Two dates with the same iron, another gold sticker. And so on.

RunnnyMummy I'm glad you finally heard from Mr Gym. I hope you sort something soon.

InfoSec21 What Bant said.

Mumfun stubbornstains I very nearly suggested meeting up this week. I was proud of myself for telling him no. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it. I'm also thinking he's crossed a line with some of the things he's said to me - I'm the one who's said stop. Even if he breaks up with his current GF and/or it fizzles out, is that the sort of behaviour I value in a man? It's really not. With every passing day, he moves closer to the friend zone. But I miss him crazily so. The only thing stopping me from seeing him is my adherence to the girl code. Never treat a fellow woman differently to how you would like her to treat you.

ShatnersWig I find personality much sexier than appearance too. I mean, obviously, there's a base line minimum of what passes for objective attractiveness, but a shared sense of humour and interests is what clinches it for me. My profile is wordier than most and gives away my personality in the hopes that someone with a similar outlook on life will find it.

Mumfun I'm skeptical. Most men I see on OLD who style themselves as saphiophiles were hit with the ugly stick. In practice, the word doesn't seem to mean what people suggest it does. I do agree with you though, intelligence can be extremely attractive.

I've only been using WA for about a week, although I had forgotten I'd installed it last Nov and sent about three messages, then forgot I had it.

I've noticed the ex on there and his 'last seen' status. Thank you for telling me how it turn it off! I don't care what he does but it's still better just not to be able to even see it I think. And he can't see mine either now. I'd delete and block him but I have no phone signal at all in the house and sometimes I need to ask him something so it's as well to have it in case of that (he won't actually speak to me, so we text or email from our own bedrooms - twat).

Good advice on WA. I don't want to get into last seen watching, it's definitely not healthy. I've just turned that off.

Good news though, I asked if she wanted a date or a phone date and she said yes. She's in my area on Wednesday so we're going to grab a lunchtime cuppa. Was a little wobble from me when I remembered my car is being left all day for MOT and a couple of bits on that day. I then suggested as she'd be passing my place on her way out, she could stop by and we'd meet near here which she was cool about. Yay for Lois Lane.

She was very much up for it which is good, I can appreciate how busy she is. She has an evening surgery about an hour away so hopefully she will have a bit of time to stop by.

I would say she's probably too good for me Bant yeah, totally!! Slightly terrified but looking forward to meeting her!

I have a question on date etiquette, would love the opinion of the floor please.

I have never asked anyone if they want to meet up again, whilst still on the date. It's not because a wimp, it's because I don't like the idea of putting them on the spot. If they say no, it's awkward for both people. They might say yes when they mean no and then just ghost.

I would tend to message afterwards if I liked them and say hey would you like to meet up again etc.

So, do you subscribe to the ask on the date method or the ask after the date method?