Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

That Does deleting and reinstalling Tinder suddenly magic up new people you've never seen before then?

It seems to! I was seeing about 5 matches a day on there, most of which I'd seen before and swiped left on. Since I deleted and started again I'm getting loads of matches! Including the one I snogged met ages ago and one I was meant to go on a date with last year. Who has now messaged . Although there's a bit of an awkward back story with him...

I've stayed friends with a guy I met on Tinder. He gave me advice and a lovely confidence boost about the next one😀

I have an iron in the fire from Bumble. He's a doctor, a bit older than me, seems really nice. We had a very long date last time (coffee turned to tourist stuff, then dinner, then drinks) and I'm seeing him this weekend.

Not very good at dating as have been in relationships for ever and never really had to date.

I have reached the inevitable conclusion that those who are intense and send numerous messages end up being those who disappear in a puff of smoke. The more intense, the less substance.

I've just had a first meeting with a man who I've been communicating with over the past week. We had coffee sat out in the sunshine here in Tours and it was great. He was clearly nervous but I've appreciated his easygoing nature so far. Few texts have been exchanged and our conversation last week was lovely.

The other man I was in touch with was bombarding me and has now disappeared. He was clearly a very bright man, and I liked that, but I have no regrets about him vanishing.

I hope it's sunny where you all are today.

ThisIsTheRightTime Agree completely. The more intense, the quicker they vanish!

I can't help but wondering why this seems often to be the case pringlecat.

I sent Mr Gym a text earlier asking if he'd like dinner at my house on Wednesday. I can see he's read the message but hasn't replied.
Now I'm having a mild panic that he's changed his mind about me. Which I know is a bit ridiculous but OLD messes with your head sometimes.
Meanwhile I realised I had turned my Tinder notifications off a few days ago. I have one match on there that I'm still in touch with. But only because we're exchanging running tips. When I looked i have two matches which is odd as I've hidden my profile.

I sent Lois Lane a voice message last night. She replied to say she loved the accent etc.

It's not so much an issue with patience from me, it's knowing that the other person is interested. Due to the gaps between messages, it tends to be me that instigates. What I need to do now is wait and make sure she instigates. I have no worries with patience given her job, just need to know she's into it too.

Had a nice message from a 51yr old this morning. Was slightly negative saying she reckons she'd be too old for me but I can appreciate why she said that. She's hawt though and her profile is nice so we can see how that goes.

Just had a Bumble message too. That app has been ultra quiet for me!

I've come to the conclusion that I must be wired differently. I can go for days without swiping right on just one person on Tinder. I've never really had a type, so it's not like I only like brunettes, or have a thing for women under size 10, or under a certain height, or anything "picky" in that sense. I just don't seem to find many people attractive. I think has to be my wiring, because in real life I would rarely see someone and go "they're attractive" and when friends of either sex talk about any celebrity crush I'm the one person who honestly has never lusted after anyone famous.

Ah, damnations, pringlecat my theory has gone up in smoke as Mr. Intense-Super-Bright has just left me a couple of messages. He appears not to have disappeared at all. Hmmm

I know what you mean InfoSec21. I can be hugely patient (most of the time) as long as I know that the interest is mutual. I confess sometimes I am guilty of the odd wobble when silence prevails for too long.

ShatnersWig do you think you need to know someone to find them attractive? They say that most men are visual but maybe not you? Can you think about people that you have found attractive in the past, was it their voice, smell, style, words?

As for Tinder, I find it hard to find any men to swipe right on at the moment as I've stopped swiping right on men with blank profiles, which cuts down the options! I've got two new matches who I haven't yet messaged. I don't know if I can work up the energy as they probably won't reply!

I did talk to someone on Tinder at the weekend and seemed enthusiastic, but hasn't message me since Saturday night. In all honesty I wasn't that keen on him.

I have had my first message on Happn, but I suspect he's looking for something casual.

I'm talking to someone on Bumble. I'm not feeling that enthusiastic but perhaps I should force myself to give him a try.

I think you do find someone more attractive when you know them. The guy I've been seeing I didn't really find that attractive when I first met him but do now. He's so not my usual type, isn't really a cool dresser but he makes me laugh like no one else does which makes him attractive to me x

Pav I think you're probably right. Hadn't really thought about it but my three relationships were all with people I'd known socially for some time. Makes things difficult, as if you rarely meet single women at work, at hobbies etc, the only thing left is OLD but that is pretty much window shopping only. Even a profile (if there is one) doesn't often give personality away. Damn. I'm buggered!

OLD is a harsh territory for finding someone. It should be the easiest given the fact that that its sole purpose is to connect people for this purpose.

Shatner I am the same, no celebrity crushes. I can see that some men are more attractive than others, but not really feel attracted to them myself, as such.

The only answer is to just meet a load of people on OLD and see if any click. And, if not, it doesn't hurt to have the occasional evening out lined up does it :)

Yes me too here no celeb crushes and dont understand why folk go nuts over David Beckham Brad Pitt etc.

I tend to look at what men write on their profiles and answers to questions -why Im on OKC and not Tinder I think. A few profiles mention now that they are saphiophile -guess thats what I am - very much attracted to intelligence and brain rather than looks per se

The other potential way to meet people is through Meetup. Depends if there is much going on in your area.

Pringle best to be no contact with Beardy if he has anyone else because you will just get hurt otherwise.

Im usually decisive about a date and if I want to see them again. But not sure re Fridays. Liked some aspects and wasnt sure about others. Guess I need another date to sort it out. He is keen.

Otherwise very quiet. Other iron is quiet and has a lot of issues at the moment.

Did meet someone interesting on Sunday through a friend and we are all going to meet up again socially in a couple of weeks so will see . But not absolutely sure hes single. Cant ask friend as awkward situation for complicated reason.

Out Nights out aren't a problem, I do plenty of those. But if it is personality that is what does it for me, that can often take a few dates to really suss out. Thinking about it, my three exes I'd known for months before anything happened. Could cost a bloody fortune having 3 or 4 dates with lots of different women to try and find the right personality and assuming any of them were interested in me I could easily be leading them on couldn't I? I mean, not meeting again after one or two dates is one thing, a but if you're on date 3, you've pretty much indicated you're interested or at least fancy them. Unless someone really puts stuff in a profile, how do I pick which of these women online I don't initially find attractive to message pick? At least if someone has similar interests that's a start as that's how I met my exes, but if they don't go into much detail....? Blimey. I'd never really thought about how "unvisual" before now. Not sure I like learning this, makes it seem really unlikely I'll meet someone again unless someone happens to fall into my social circles (and no one has for 7 years so far).

thisistherighttime Aw, I love Tours

(Mind you, my crush on pretty much Le Tout Europe has massively intensified since Brexit ).

pringlecat Meeting up with Beardy sounds all kinds of wrong right now

shatners Meh, it's fine to not be instantly attracted to a photograph. They're a closely edited simulacrum of reality (photography MA ). Maybe just go by personality to pick dates. Perhaps you'll fancy some of them when you get to smell them .

Cross posted. Just go for the profiles you find funny, witty and interesting!!

But can you really get much idea on personality based on a profile? Most women on Tinder don't seem to bother putting any text except perhaps "not looking for a hook up" or "full time mummy" which gives nothing to go on. Even on POF many don't seem to bother saying a lot in their profiles, very rarely anything witty or funny.

Where do you live shatnerswig?

Gloucestershire. Just been looking at Meetup but there is nothing of any interest at all anywhere nearby unless it's walking or you're a woman. It's not like I'm not out pursuing hobbies to possibly meet someone in a social setting, and some of them are more popular with women than men - just never any singles seem to join.

I would try OKC, maybe? I can't speak for the women obvs, but some of the men make a decent effort.

....well, I can speak for myself. My profile (presently hidden) is a novel fascinating

Stubborn When I did OLD for the first time 6-7 years ago I found OKC had the fewest people in this area but i guess it might have improved