Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I'm messaging and speaking to two very different men. I spoke to the more gentle, easy-does-it one last night and it was great. We clicked on music and such and he told me he really wanted to continue our discussion face-to-face and asked if I was free this weekend. I told him I wasn't sure (I work on Saturday morning and have my DC this weekend) and he asked me to send him a message to let him know whether I could meet up for coffee Saturday or Sunday.

Before ringing off he said he'd send me his email address so I could share a music link with him. I was chatting to the other more intense guy all evening but noticed this morning that I hadn't got the email address message.

Lunchtime I send Mr Easy-Does-It a sms 'no email address, no music . I really enjoyed our conversation. I hope you had a good evening'. He immediately responded 'I sent it to the wrong person! Oh dear! My mate Stephan must have received a messaged from me with kisses'. I sent him the email with the music link as soon as I had a moment today and I got an sms from him late afternoon saying 'I got the link. I'll listen to it with pleasure tomorrow when I have a quiet moment. Happy weekend to you!'

And then I think, bugger! I didn't tell him about when/if I could meet up for coffee this weekend because I was busy getting on with life and I'm pretty tired and obviously not thinking straight. Granted, he seems like a relaxed person but I could kick myself. I'd like to meet him but I can't really bugger off and leave my kids for an hour or two on Sunday, can I? I sent him a message saying 'let me know if you have the time for a coffee after your piano lesson Monday'. (He's on holiday at the moment.) This way it's up to him.

This is a daft question but how would you have put things right?

Can anyone recommend any other dating sites (free ones)? I'm on Tinder, Bumble and POF but fed up of seeing the same faces.

I'm still talking to Mr Beard but the more I chat to him the more I don't really like, he has lots of good point but the few bad ones are big no no's on my list . Maybe I'm a bit fussy and stuck up, I kind of want someone who has stability (own home, dresses nice, has a reasonable car, has their life up together and no baggage), I can't seem to find anyone that ticks my boxes. I'm jealous of all you that have dates with professionals, most of the men that come up local to me are factory workers who like to get pissed up at the weekend and have 6 children with 3 different women .

It's a bit quiet here this evening Lovemusic33

I could recommend you some dating sites in France which would most certainly provide a temporary change of scene for you.

There is OKCupid but I'm sure you will have just missed that off your list rather than not using it.

Marking my place.
Have just installed Bumble app.
All new faces - Oasis has outdone it's usefulness!!
Happy dating to all.

Free sites (to message people and get dates)
Pof (free to message. Hugely popular but lots of chaff)
Ok Cupid (free to message, good quality matching but lots of fetishists)
Tinder (smartphone only, mutual match messaging only)
Bumble (same as tinder but woman messages first)
Oasis (no idea)

Any others?

I tried Once just before Christmas and it seemed ok... but then Christmas happened and I deleted it because I wanted to focus on family. The idea is you just get one suggested match a day (although I was getting around 5, I don't know why), apparently chosen by real 'matchmakers'.
Has anyone tried Happn? The one where you are alerted when you cross paths with someone? I can't decide whether I like the idea or it may be a bit stalker-y.

I'm planning to get Tinder tomorrow. From what I've seen, people don't write much in their bios. Does everyone here mention their kids in their bio or bring it up while chatting? People seem to assume I don't have kids, so I'd rather it be said upfront, but I don't know if it's strange to announce it in such a limited amount of text.

Hmm... could liven up the school run and daily commute I suppose!

Do you know if you can disable location easily enough and frequently, storm? Imagine a mutual alert when handing over the kids to the ex!

I wouldn't want to advertise it at work! I've already seen a friend, my cousin, a friend's brother and a guy from work on POF.

Still just chatting to Mr Xbox. How long would you say was average before a date?
He hasn't mentioned it but we've both been very busy, next weekend is actually free for me so mulling if I should suggest something.

I started using OKC but been so busy that I've not done anything really, like reply to messages on POF, as I'm just "meh" atm in my free time.

TITRT - I don't think you need to put anything right, you've asked him if he is free at a time you are, that's all he wanted. At some point the stars will align and you'll both be free at once.

I have had The Most Boring Date Ever! I kind of knew he was a bit 'flat' but My God! So dull. No sense of humour, talks really quietly so could barely hear him, asks very little but what he does is random......urgh. He bought the first drinks and I felt I had to stay for a second to but for him. To be fair, we got there 7.30pm and left 10.15pm, so I gave it a good shot!
He has messaged me on POF and I don't want to read it.

Oh, he showed me a photo of his mum's washing machine. That was the highlight of the evening!

I tried Happn and it kept giving me people from a postcode down South. It did my head in so I deleted it.

outtogetyou what was the washing machine like?

Morning. I, erm, just got home from my date with Mr Gym.
That thing about date 3 is true! I wasn't intending to stay the night but he asked me which I took to be a good sign.

Glad it went well, Runnnymummy

RunnnyMummy Were the mooseburgers to your taste and how did you leave things when you left?

OutToGetYou We've all agreed that date 3 is when expectations of mooseburgers creep in. Date 1 is now apparently the washing machine date?

Allthembuckets Does he sound busy with life or busy with dating other irons? I wouldn't want to chat for very long before meeting someone. The more time you spend OLD, the more you realise waiting to meet doesn't make it any less scary; it either creates unrealistic positive expectations or defers meeting a weirdo. Rip off the plaster. Meet within a week if you can.

Afterthestorm Keep us updated on Happn - it doesn't seem massively popular on this thread and people always seem to be running out of new blood!

pringle the multiple helpings of MB were very good.
But I left in a bit of a hurry. It's his birthday and he had plans with his family so I decided to leave as soon as I could. He did say I could stay as long as I wanted and let myself out when I was ready. But it didn't seem right. So at the moment we haven't made anymore plans. But he said he'd call later.

Date 1 - washing machine date outto I think I've come across him as well

I'm making a note to myself to stop showing the washing machine picture, if it doesn't work for that guy it's just never gonna work for me either.

He sounds ace and go Runnny with your MB!!

It was an old w/m - he told a hilarious [not] story about how his elderly mother had needed a new w/m and he had to order it for her and then showed me a photo of the old one.

RM - he said he'd not had another other POF dates but I suppose he might have fibbed.

No matter what, he's not my type, I need someone with a bit more about them. I am sure he was wearing stacked boots too, his profile said he was 5'9", I am 5'7" and was wearing slightly heeled boots and he was shorter than me.

Ach well, next.

I have had Happn for a few days now. I've only got one "crush" which is what they call a match. We haven't messaged, I was going to message him but I can see he has been out of the area since Friday evening. If he comes back I will message him. There was one other brief crush this morning, I got an alert but then he wasn't there, which I think just goes to show that some men will say yes to everyone to see who matches and then delete the ones they don't like, as with the other apps.

I don't think Happn has that many people on it (in my age group anyway - 40s) as I was shopping in Islington yesterday afternoon and whilst it picked up some people there weren't vast numbers and I would imagine that to be a prime area on a Saturday afternoon.

There is something potentially stalkerish about it, I don't think I'd use it in a rural area where my location might be easily worked out(probably wouldn't get any hits anyway). For example I think someone might guess what tube station you use and could try to spot you. I would be careful what I post on the app. By default the app loads your occupation from Facebook, there is a large hospital quite near me and I've seen a couple of people who work there come up, they were probably travelling home. Be careful to edit your info if you are not comfortable with that level of disclosure. I always edit or delete my job description on these apps as I am self employed and I have an unusual profession which would enable someone to google me and find my home details easily.

There is a button you can press in preferences so that no one will cross your path for the next 8 hours, which I suppose is like hiding. Useful if you were visiting somewhere where you didn't want to show up to people.

RunnnyMummy Oh, I'm glad. It sounds like you had a very good date 3 and that a date 4 is on the cards. What a birthday for Mr Gym!

OutToGetYou What is it with men and their hangups over height? If you're going to lie about something, lie about something where you can't get caught out!

I'm struggling with all the abbreviations - is there a list anywhere so I can get up to speed on them ha ha x