Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

what's the deal with OKCupid?? I thought it was like Tinder and we'd have to match before getting messages, but I've just signed up and am inundated with messages from guys I would've swiped left on.

Okcupid is almost the opposite of tinder, jelly - it generates a match score based upon your answers to questions.

I've actually found it quite good, in that I will get on with people over a 90% match to me, and would dislike anyone below 50, having read their profile text..

Tinder is just purely looks based, apart from a little profile text.

Okc means you get matches from miles away who would likely be a good date. You can limit who can contact you though, distance/match wise I think?

User149 - someone dumped you because you like a particular band? You're far better off. Some people (them) are fated to die alone.

I don't like steps particularly (though I do know the moves) but... blocking someone? That's just ridiculous

Thanks Bant - just had a message from someone with 30% match, miles away and a naked backside as his only profile picture !!

I'll have to tweak my settings

user that falls squarely into the category of 'if you are that much of a dick, I definitely don't need you in my life!'.

lsoup loving your giddiness - cheering me up no end on a dull Friday!

RM Yes date 3 is The Law - as told to me by my (male) friend . To be fair, I think it is a good rule of thumb that if you don't at least want to DTD by date 3 (even if for good principled reasons you don't actually do it) then it's probably not a go-er.

JellyBean31 I'm a big fan of OKC, but I have the problem of 'likes' from people in Turkey and the US! I haven't worked out how to turn it off, so I just delete them.

The other problem is that you might have very similar attitiudes to the 90% people, but that doesn't at all mean you'll fancy them. I met up with my highest ever match score & he was a sweetheart but not at all my type (even though I quite liked his pics too).

Thanks for all the advice. He really does mess with my head at times. One minute its like we're in a full on relationship then other times he comes out with comments like he did last night. Last week he was going on about renewing his passport in case we wanted to go away somethere, the week before we'd been describing each other in one word and he said if had to describe me in one word it would be "mine" as in his. I think I need to stop worrying and see what happens. He came off Match in January so isn't looking elsewhere. He messaged me as usual today. It's hard work this dating business x

Re Lois Lane, I have friends who work in hospitals and if you think she's really a surgeon, you can't judge her for not replying quickly. Be sympathetic if it comes up - when she gets in touch, she might apologise for the delay. If so, reassure her you understand how important/difficult her job is. You'll get major brownie points.

Re date 3 - agree most men expect to DTD on date 3. Possibly why I've never made it beyond a date 3!

I've found lots of women expect to, too. I rarely get to date three these days, as on date one I work out whether I fancy them and find them funny, date two is to see if they're actually worth getting involved with. If not, I don't bother with a third date.

Hey Pringle you're right there.

I can see though that she was online after 12 lunch today and she hasn't replied so that is likely that. I'm sure she'd have found 30 seconds for a quick reply if she wanted to.

I believe it's bad form to send another message so I won't do that. I don't mean a negative one, I mean just asking how her day is or whatever or asking a question.

Shame, she was nice :)

info there's nothing wrong with sending her another message just asking about her day or plans for the weekend. There could be lots of reasons why she hasn't replied. Don't give up yet.

You're all scaring me a bit about date 3 and DTD. I would like to if the opportunity presented itself. But I'm also thinking of bant's advice that men often lose interest after.

well OKCupid isn't for me, account deleted already. I don't expect to have to block guys within 2 hrs of joining, but naked butt guy kept pestering as well as another one...messages literally every 5 minutes. I hadn't sent a single response.

I know tinder gets a bad rap, but it really is my favourite because there can be no random messaging!

Runnny I guess I could send her a message but I'm totally of the believe that if you're having to send double messages to get a response from someone, they ain't interested.

My ex was trying to get a date out of me still and I'd never message her first, it was always me replying and very tardy replies too. This was because I wasn't interested so I'm pretty sure it always works the other way around in exactly the same way.

Jelly I've just put a profile up on OKCupid out of curiosity. Let's see how long I last!

Good Luck pavonia - if your NW England, watch out for naked butt guy - who in one of his messages said he's not single and looking for NS fun, even though my profile clearly says I'm looking for a relationship

You must be much better looking than me Jelly - I've never been pestered

Elizabeth I doubt that, probably just "fresh meat"!!! Haha

Info - to give you an alternate view.....I loathe messaging when at work and my work isn't even busy (see posts I make here as evidence!), so my POF contacts, if they message in the day which they sometimes do, have to wait til 9pmish before they get a reply, even if I quickly pop online to see the message.

If it was WA, then she might have been quickly checking and replying to a friend/her mum etc, but want to spend more time thinking about your message and/or not look too keen. Don't give up yet.

I'm not sure about bad form re double messaging, it sort of depends what you say I think. MrCar is often the last to message at night and then sometimes messages during the day to ask if I'm having a good day (I have never yet answered one of these until I am at least on the train).

Re 3rd date - obviously proper grown ups who like and respect each other decide how their relationship will run between them and do not bow to pressure from modern 'norms' or trends. :) happy third date!!

outto I'm doomed! I don't think I've ever been a proper grown up

Info I have a very good friend who is hopeless at messaging. She reads texts but forgets to reply.
Also I'm the same as outto. I'll often read texts but reply when I have time to send a thoughtful reply.
Give Lois Lane a chance.

I've been messaging a man, two years younger, who works in aeronautical engineering here in France. He initially messaged me in English (we live in France and he's French) because he spent a few years in England for work. He intrigued me from the very start but I have remained cautious as always. Last night he asked whether he could call me. I had a load of work to get through but I'm really glad I took the call. We spent around two hours on the 'phone. He sounds very bright and passionate about his job and asked me a lot of questions about myself. He also encouraged me a few times to send him some of my work to read (I'm a writer/journalist) so I've sent him one of my (rather long) articles today. Good luck mate!

And now I shall sit back and wait patiently to see whether he sends me any feedback.

I'm also due a 'phone call maybe this evening with a completely different kind of guy.

Things are looking interesting and I'm not getting my hopes up.

I sound quite impatient don't I. It's not that so much as you know when you get into that turf where you're not sure whether they want to hear from you or whether you're bothering them? Kinda that.

I did drop her a follow up message and she replied just before. She gets massive bonus points for using my favourite greeting of 'hey you'. She included a question too so at least she's interacting.

My main concern in something like this is that big gaps between messages allow it to fizzle out but I guess it's my job to charm her to stop that happening.

Anyone got any new dates lined up this weekend?

Runnny I know what you mean about date 3. Since I read that was the supposed norm I felt a bit of pressure on my recent 3Rd date with Mr pizza (internal pressure I hasten to.add). But still haven't dtd, 5th date next week and may have the opportunity but would hate for it to be expected.
I am not adverse to dtd and have had ons and sex on.2nd date before but find I want to build up trust a bit more with guys have met online

Info I love when someone says Hey you:) it always makes me smile. Not seeing my friend/BF/whatever he is ha ha this weekend, as I'm taking my son to a concert tomorrow night (he should really be with his dad on sat night). Will be the first weekend in ages we've not seen each other but have seen him twice this week already x

Ah, see my preferred greeting is 'hello my magnificent stallion' but no one ever spontaneously says that to me, and I've discovered that there's no way to subtly hint at it..

I have a date next week.

My four simultaneous tinder conversations have all fizzled out. All by my choice, to be fair. The funny ones were far away, the dull ones were nearby.

However. I have an iron I'm keen on. Very early days, only a couple of days of messaging, but., yeah. Funny. Quirky. Attractive. Intelligent. Kids the same age as mine.

We've arranged a date for middle of next week, although our kids weekends aren't synced so it may be a struggle beyond that.

I may be thinking ahead..

info - it's your job to charm her, yes, but also it's hers to charm you.

It's got to be mutual for it to work. What's the point if you're doing all of the running, she's got to want to impress you too.

Some women do play the 'hard to get' thing - men aren't often told to put their phone in the fridge and sit on their hands (well, unless they have a serious angry birds addiction) and men are told to play it cool too. But I think if you're both into each other, it bodes well.

Info et al i love 'hey you' too. Though beware, I have been guilty of using it when I have forgotten someone's name! But only if I genuinely like them. I'm terrible with names so it is feasible for me to genuinely like someone and not remember their name

Well Mr Web is quite something! He walks a bit funny, he's really lanky (I am short!) and he's a little bit shy, but my word he is lovely! The most beautiful eyes and so sweet. We talked non-stop on our date last night and had a brief kiss on the car park (he went for my cheek, the gent, i intercepted!) and then met for lunch and a walk (and another few kisses) today. He pulled over on his way home last night to say he really liked me and wanted to see me again. So we met today. He's away with his dcs next week, but date 3 is planned for Easter week.

I'm still navigating this one as he's not my usual type. I usually end up with more rugged, blue collar types. But he's so gentile and quite posh but also really funny and open and intelligent. So it's taken me off guard a little. But I do like him a lot

Question: I want more of the lush kisses but it will be a while before we can be at one of our houses as we both have dcs, so what's a good date venue for less of the interview-style talking across a table and a little more canoodling?? I'm thinking maybe cinema?