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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

999 replies

InfoSec21 · 22/03/2017 17:44

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 30/03/2017 21:53

I sent him a message pointing out that we haven't met yet and pointed out that 'I shouldn't have to explain myself', he hasn't written back, I think he has huge issues.

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 21:54

Marking my place again...Sorry.

Still trying to play catch-up.
There seems to be so much action going on in the life of daters online.

I have seen My Mr Car once since I last posted. More red flags appeared.
Without a doubt he needs to be shoved into the Dumping Ground.
I am trying to create distance & am cancelling / postponing our agreed plans. I am not feeling brave & think I need a year away from online dating life.

A mate has just been diagnosed with someting awful so my mind is elsewhere.

Work is grim.

I spent three hours with an old boyfriend and his family.
A relation of his had just messaged me to say it was like a version of Blind Rate from his perspective.

I think I have to go and hibernate

Very confused Lettucesoup.

Original poster
InfoSec21 · 30/03/2017 21:55

The money thing wouldn't be a problem for me. If I liked you enough, I'd help you get out of it quicker. Anyone worth knowing would at least not be bothered. It's no biggie in the grand scheme of life and you're fixing it so all credit, pardon the pun.

OP posts:
Bant · 30/03/2017 21:56

thattwat - it's not that big a deal, I think. Anyone who screens out people based upon their credit rating is probably too dull to bear.

I'd like to meet a rich woman with a nice big house. I do okay, salarywise, but I pay a lot to my ex which means I have to rent for the foreseeable future. I'd like to meet someone with plenty of money but if I met someone without much, then living together with them, even renting, would still be cheaper than living alone. And I have a decent credit rating so it wouldn't be the end of the world.

I was actually the guarantor for my ex, as her husband couldn't do it, her father wouldn't even though he was a millionaire, she had a shit credit score and I'm still not completely sure she's replaced me (she says she has, but the only way I can find out for sure - by asking the agency - may end up screwing her over, and I don't want to cause her stress. Still trying to work out what to do about that.

I didn't love her because of her credit rating. But don't bring it up with someone until you're actually involved with them - when the subject of pay, rent, debt etc naturally comes up in conversation

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 22:01

££££
You cannot take it with you when you did!
It is an essential of life.
I have been stoney broke & had to foodbank-shop for a while

Life goes on.
I dated during that time.
It works if you want it to.

It is horrible but one of life's perks (not) especially associated with separation & divorce in my experience.

Lsoup

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 22:02

When you DIE...

Thattwatoverthere · 30/03/2017 22:05

You lot are fantastic and have made me feel a bit more prize like. Thank you WineWine

Bant would looking at your credit report show you if you were still responsible for it?

Thattwatoverthere · 30/03/2017 22:10

Oh and Lsoup I hope things get better soon! For you and for your friend

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 22:18

Thanks Thattwatoverthere

I drank way too much prprosecco last night and can only manage a mug of de-caffinated tea tonight.

Roll on the weekend!
Happy days.
Happy dating.
Happy whatever.
🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻

L soup

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 22:19

Lol
How do you spell Prosecco?
I only know how to drink it.

Soopermum1 · 30/03/2017 22:33

I think the debt would worry me if it was someone who was still mis spending and wasn't that bothered about it themselves. However you seem to have got a grip on your finances and the behaviour that partly led to your situation so that wouldn't bother me at all

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 22:41

-Oooops again.

My post a few back was meant to say

It seemed like BLIND-DATE

Dieu · 30/03/2017 22:51

Please advise 'o wise ones

Right, so earlier today I told you I had a coffee date tomorrow (Fri) morning. The one with the guy who wanted to know if I'm as hot in RL as in my photos Hmm. So I haven't heard from since it was arranged much earlier today, say late morning/early afternoon. It is now 10.45pm.
I am completely emotionally uninvested in this one, and had agreed to meet him on a whim (I am normally super selective about who I'll meet, and tend to go for those with whom I've a good connection), so the outcome doesn't bother me overly ... which I have to say, feels rather refreshing!
Anyway, I texted him at 10.15pm to check if it was still going ahead in the morning. Again, no great angst at having to do so. I asked him to let me know tonight, as I don't really 'do' last minute. Which is true. It takes me ages to get ready and I have a busy day tomorrow anyway.

Given that most adults are still up at 10.15pm - or would perhaps have texted to say goodnight and see you tomorrow if not - would it be just awful not to meet him if he texts in the morning? Would it be really unfair to say at that point that I have other plans? There was no concrete time or place arranged. Just coffee and maybe a walk tomorrow morning.

Thoughts please?

Bant · 30/03/2017 23:04

dieu

Well given that he's not exactly winning any prizes for charm, sensitivity or attentiveness, I think you're perfectly entitled to say 'sorry, you didn't respond so I've made other plans'

If there was a specific time and place arranged, I'd think differently but..
Yeah he's not really saying the right things here, is he?

Your time is precious. You deserve better than this.

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 23:05

Dieu
What is your gut reaction.
Is it a case of C.B.A.?
CBA= Cannot Be Arsed.

Maybe he is one of the few who does not use his mobile at night.
Perhaps u turns it off or charges it in a room other than his bedroom.

Just an idea.
#no-real-idea#
Hmm

Bant · 30/03/2017 23:06

Good thought, thattwat I hadn't even thought of that

lettucesoup · 30/03/2017 23:07

...he turns it off

Bluegirl25 · 30/03/2017 23:15

I posted last week about a guy I've been seeing since the beginning of September. Met on him on Match and went out on first date two weeks later, both got very drunk and DTD. We decided a couple of days after we weren't ready for a full on relationship as we'd both come out of very long 20+ year relationships. Couple of weeks passed and we continued to text all the time and we went on another date. Since that we have seen each one night other most weekends and we stay over with each other. We didn't seen each other for a couple of weeks start it new year due to me being busy but have seen each other every weekend since and the last few days an extra day in the week where we usually go for food and cinema. At weekend we spend all day together and then usually stay in with takeaway and movie. He's not a touchy feely person (is great in bed though) but always gives me a kiss on the lips when he goes.

To be honest I have always referred to him as a "friend" as we've never discussed being. GF/BF but I really like him. One of us always texts saying morning and then chat through out the day and then a night text.

Tonight we were in the car and he starts talking about relationships saying he doesn't feel the need to be in a serious relationship but is little girl says he needs to get a proper girlfriend!! He has told his daughter about me and shown her my picture but not sure what he's said I am. His mum and dad know of me and his step dad dropped us off the other week.

I'm so confused as to what to do. I love spending time with him and I know he likes spending time with me. He always wants to see me when he hasn't got his daughter. I love what we have and don't want the whole living with someone serious relationship but would like us to be couple. He's always saying things he can do and when he's had a few drinks he can be quite romantic. I know he's now seen anyone else while we've known each other and never goes out without me to meet anyone else.

Do I cut my losses and go now or carry on and see what happens. We get on so well, have great laughs and have great sex. I'm so confused. Any advice greatly appreciated xx

Dieu · 30/03/2017 23:18

Ugh. He just texted. With the following reply:

No reason why it wouldn't go ahead? No spontaneity huh? Tut tut.

Then there's a winky face.

Yup, a serious case of CBA! Thanks guys.

Dieu · 30/03/2017 23:28

Not really sure what to do now. I am usually extremely adept at ripostes, but feeling too tired to come up with anything.

Dieu · 30/03/2017 23:35

Okay. I just sent this:

We clicked well on POF, but I'm not really feeling it with our texts. How's that for spontaneity?!

Too harsh?

Dieu · 30/03/2017 23:51

Evidently it was. As he just sent back Ah ok. Good luck

Blush Felt a bit of a bitch, as that was out of character for me. So I sent a final, more gentle message wishing him the best.

Still feels like a relief though. No more halfhearted wildcard dates for me!

Bant · 30/03/2017 23:51

I'd just reply with 'meh'

Dieu · 30/03/2017 23:53

Thanks Bant! Don't feel so bad now Smile

Bant · 30/03/2017 23:56

blue

Sorry, I don't quite understand the problem - you enjoy spending time with each other - lots of time. He's talked about you to his parents. It's exclusive.

And now you want to call it off because you can't agree on a label for it?

I don't understand why you'd want to end things on this basis. It seems like you've got a good thing going