Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Yes, agreed Plentyoffish! Honesty is so refreshing and a vital part of good communication.

What makes you believe it was honest?

He's still living with his wife. He's got the perfect get-out-clause, once he's shagged someone - obviously not at his own house because it would be weird - to say that his wife wants to try again. And he's a good man, so he's got to give it another go.

His wife, of course, is blissfully unaware of all this and thinks things are tickety-boo. Until she posts on mumsnet that her DH is spending a large amount of time on his phone..

I'd have a huge amount of concern about someone still living with their 'ex'.

Hmmm....true bant. Would be the perfect cover.
I really wish there was a verification system. I'd love it if a old site verified divorce documentation, proof of address etc so you could at least know it had been checked first (and save at least some of the angst!)

I dunno - I have a pretty weird living situation with my ex, we don't live together but we are pretty involved in each other's lives for practical and parenting purposes. But we are very definitely separated!

My last partner was living with his ex when we met, it meant that I moved him in with me pretty quick without really getting to know him, it was the biggest mistake of my life because it turned out that he wasn't who he made out to be. I couldn't date someone who's still living with his wife ever again, it's a huge red flag for me. They will give you the whole ' I'm staying for the kids' bull shit, tell you that they sleep in separate rooms etc...etc..., chances are they are lying and their wife still believes everything is fine between them.

Plenty eharmony ask for the divorce certificate, and don't accept you if you are 'separated'.

Really?! Wow that's pretty good of EHarmony. Shame it's a ball ache of a Site!!

I could retire happy from OLD tonight.

I spotted a girl on that I've messaged before with no reply. It's been a while since that occasion so I figured I'd try again. If I could pick anyone on POF to take a chance with and go straight into a relationship, I'd pick this girl. On paper, she's absolutely spot on in all ways.

Let's call her Lois Lane. I dropped her a message tonight, made it a good one. I wasn't expecting a reply. A few mins later I checked and saw my sent message was gone, suggesting she'd deleted my message. I sighed, wasn't surprised though.

Couple of minutes later, I saw the chat head appear on my phone. Lone behold, it was her. Checked and the sent message was back, must have been a glitch in the Matrix. Lovely message back too. I replied and she replied. I've replied again but nothing back yet, she's offline though.

Even if I don't hear back, those two messages from Lois Lane have made me happy.

I hope she does though!!

I still live with my ex - until the bloody house purchase goes through. Obviously separately, I'm camping in the spare bedroom with an en suite and we barely see each other.

I can see why it might be worrying but I always tell people.

Why would people bother to do that with eharmony, why wouldn't they just say they are single? I am single, we never married, so I don't have to say 'divorced or 'separated', so how does anyone know?

(Info - it's "lo and behold")

Oh ha ha thank you, I've always said lone behold!!

She replied. She's ace.

Pleased for you Info!

Well, Mr Junior (the one who's 12 years younger than me ) and I swapped numbers this evening (we have been messaging on POF for DAYS, so it seemed entirely appropriate), and have exchanged many a text tonight. There were moments when I was pretty much crying with laughter. It felt wonderful.
I just wish there wasn't the very significant age gap.

Don't worry about the age gap. My mate is 42 and married to a 28 and they are perfect for each other. Nobody ever questions it.

Turns out Lois Lane is a surgeon. At least if a limb ever fell off she could stitch that shit back on.

I'm betting it's your (male) mate who's the older one though!

I was speaking to Mr Busman all evening again, he's witty, intelligent and we like similar things, just a bit annoyed that we are chatting so much and he hasn't suggested a date yet. How long to I wait for him to ask? Should I ask him?

POF has gone dead, no messages last night from any new irons, fed up of flicking through the same old faces. Have had a few messages on Tinder but from people that I am sure I didn't swipe on.

I think Mr MOD has disappeared after I sent him one last message which was pretty much straight to the point, he has read it but not replied, I'm quite pleased that he's not trying to apologise or give me any false hope that he will change, makes it easier for me to move on and forget him.

If I was a woman, there is no way on god's earth I would date a guy who claims to be "separated but living with my ex". I've seen a couple of female friends burned by guys who were "recently separated" who went back to their wives. Much easier to do if you're still living with them. I'd run for the hills. Dating is difficult enough without putting unnecessary worry in the mix.

Ooh pleased for you both Info and Dieu.

Seriously Dieu dating is hard enough without worrying about arbitrary things like age.

I spent most of yesterday evening chatting to someone 15 yrs older than me - he was new to online dating which kinda showed (his inexperience not his age) from his inability to get to grips with the messaging system

He seems nice, funny, interesting but I fear if he's only just starting to date he might not have developed the required thickness of skin yet. We can't meet for a good couple of weeks and I don't want to get into a prolonged messaging thing, then meet and not have the chemistry. Still, one step at a time and yesterday I was complaining that I didn't have any irons so there's no pleasing some people

Oh and Lovemusic33 definitely ask Mr Busman out if you like him! Life is too short!

Again, Dieu, go for it!

Thanks all! Who knows, eh?!

Well, I had two new messages last night - one honestly looks like a criminal, the other is in London. I am near Bedford (though I work in London) so I don't think that would work (plus London is BIG!). I replied to the London one saying sorry, London doesn't really work for me.
The criminal I didn't reply to.

MrCar I've been messaging has outed himself as a Brexiter I think - I asked what he thought about A50 being triggered today and he said it wouldn't make much difference and it was all just an excuse for shops to put up prices - so, either dim or Brexit-y/DM reader....any of which tips him out I'm afraid. Went quiet after that, so don't think I'll hear from him again (I just explained why prices were going up, that it's not 'an excuse'). Was getting a bit bored of the fact he suggested a date this coming Sat (my fault for being away and not available for a while) but has not said any more about it.

I then started chatting to Mr3, (the guy who sent me three messages I wasn't relying to) - he seems OK but totally not my type. He's messaged again this morning.

I looked for more new people to message, found a couple so will try to message them tonight (I have to drive back from Dorset to Peterborough tonight so probably won't get much time).

I've been trying Oasis just for a change from POF. It's not great and I can't get the app to work at all.
You can only message someone if you both like each other. So far I've had loads of likes. Most have no photo or are too far away. I've only had one local person like me but they weren't for me.
Then today someone likes me who seems to tick all my boxes. So I like him.
His first message...Hi sexy. So he's been dumped.

I have date 2 with Mr Gym tonight. I'm hoping it goes well but in the meantime I'm still looking. Just in case.

I totally agree with you Bant. I wished him every success but won't be touching him with a barge pole. Also, I don't quite understand how some people seem to think that, after a separation, they can fast forward the grieving process by burying their head in somebody else's arms....in his case before the wife has even left the family home.

Absolutely. I get the whole home sharing thing for a while, until the legals and finances etc are sorted out, but not the whole 'not bothering to wait until it's done' thing.
It screams of denial, and a complete inability to cope on one's own.

I think it depends - my relationship was struggling for over a year, I don't need a grieving process (we were together 7+ years), I just need to get a move on with my life.

The fact I am still in the house with him is simple logistics/finances, nothing to do with emotions. I could be living with my brother (except he'd probably speak to me now and then).