Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Mumfun That's it. I do miss him and would like to see him again, but I feel that I've given it my best shot and I don't need to do anything crazy or ridiculous because if nothing happens, I know I tried.

Agree with you re not talking to more than 3 at any one time. It gets far too confusing otherwise!

So my wants list is:

5 ft 8 and above. Prefer not to date above 6 ft 3
Intelligent - dont have to have further education but often do
I'm attracted to their brain and how they express their thoughts -big deal for me
I like their face - (often not conventionally attractive but often an open sweet face)
Not weak sense of self that I could boss around
Good behaviour, kind and good (in old fashioned sense doesn't have to be boring)
( In background someone who I think my brother would feel comfortable with socialising with)
On centre left of politics and also green friendly
Employed in job that they identify with and motivates them. Pays their own way and happy that I do too. Not doing nothing
Consistent
Sexually compatible
Has initiative
Enjoys fun and we laugh together but I don't expect men to make me laugh.
Lives within about an hour travel but have extended if other circumstances like they visit kids/friends nearby often
Not very overweight. Ideally do some sport/physical activity

Could add other likes but think those are what I go on :)

Oh and 5 years older to 5 years younger than me

Just catching up & marking my place.

I have a second date with Mr Gym tomorrow. We've been messaging each other every day since date 1 last week. Just enough contact to be interesting but I never feel under pressure to reply immediately.
I was beginning to think he wouldn't actually ask for a second date. But he messaged this morning to ask if I could get a babysitter so we could "go somewhere nice for a meal".
So far everything seems good but I'm trying to just enjoy the moment and not over-think it.

RunnyMummy That's the spirit. No overthinking! Good luck for tomorrow with Mr Gym.

I'm loving the way that you're lumping "How was your weekend?"in with "Do you do anal?" in the top online conversation starters Bant

Well that's what they get for saying 'just ask'

I should point out, I don't send that. Or 'how was your weekend?'

If someone doesn't have anything interesting to say about themselves, then I've got no reason to want to chat to them. There are always dozens of other women I could send a message to, who talk about books, films, holidays, food, work.. something to start a discussion about.

Once you start plumbing the depths (so to speak) with banal or anal questions, it's never going to get particularly interesting.

Well two irons is better than none Mumfun . I'm a bit wary of Tinder or Bumble, I tried Bumble once but the speed of it freaked me out. I might try it again though.

It is a bit unfair of me to say that I don't have any irons as I do have my snoring FWB but a) it was always only ever going to be FWB and b) the snoring has put paid to any further sleep-overs. So it's probably not long until that reaches its conclusion

"plumbing the depths"

It is interesting that "banal" and "anal" are pronounced differently. It's once of the things that makes me happy to be English so I don't have to learn it!

I have lurked here for months. I am in a LDR with a man in a different country who is 11 years younger than me. We have been together nearly two years now and I am sort of moving there later this year. We already have a place together ... but I know it will not last as I am nearly mid 50s and that is getting close to 60. So the whole thing makes me happy that we are together, but sad as I know that at some point I am going back to OLD and I did that on and off for 8 years and I don't want to do it again 40-51 is not that bad. But 49-60 is a lot!

I am sort of moving there later this year

Aww user, I felt a bit sad reading your post. It sounds like you don't think there is going to be a future with this guy. I get your misgivings over the age thing, but has he given you any indication that it's not forever?
I'm not sure I'd want to invest so much in a relationship if it's not going to last.

Aw user - it might last - don't be despondent. The last person I truly fell in love with (didn't meet through OLD) is almost 20 years older than me & called off our relationship due to the age gap. It nearly broke me. The difference in our ages was irrelevant to me, but he couldn't get past it. So don't assume anything too hastily.

half you let your FWB stay over, I never do , nothing worse than snoring, even more so when it's from someone your not in a relationship with.

Thanks for the kind words. He has never said anything at all about the age difference. But I am trying to be realistic - I just want to go back maybe 5 or 6 years in time (just me - not him!!!)

I understand it, I truly do ... but you are going to have to find a way to get over that mindset. No good will come of it.

I know - when I am in the UK I feel much older!

I have spent an hour catching up on the dating news. I KNEW that Beardy would contact Pringlecat. And I am positive one of my friends would be perfect for Bant. In fact, most of what he writes could have been written by her ...

I don't understand why anyone would put "just ask" or no pictures at all, what's the point on a dating site? I haven't messaged anyone, too busy with work atm, but definitely wouldn't without at least a profile picture and something other than "just ask" in their profile

I never thought lack of pictures could mean married, feel so naive! Might also explain the pictures with the head out of shot
What's with head shots on a pillow, is there some hidden meaning I'm missing?

Agree FWBs need to have more than attractiveness; if they're bad not compatible in bed then you'd be better off, ahem, alone.

Lovemusic33 I only let him stay once - that's how I found out about the snoring

Anyway, I'm a bit sad about it, I like my (ahem) benefits in the morning and a FWB who can't stay over is not entirely beneficial

I don't think the meaning of the head shots with pillows is that well hidden Allthembuckets - but I didn't think about the no-pics people being married either. Here was I feeling sorry for them because of their low self-confidence - ha!

User 147...someone who shares the LDR thing with me. it is hard isn't it and lately I am finding it harder than ever. And it is early days for us, still. The thought of still doing this in 2 years scares me silly. I have to be near him by then - but I have no idea how that can happen. It makes you wonder why we even start these things. But attraction is incomprehensible. I just don't think I would find a man quite like Mr Overseas again - even if I travelled the whole world.

Bant - you are on top form lately. I totally agree that messaging has to be funny, well written, regular and interesting and you simply do that if they can't even be bothered to write a decent starter for ten. I mean - what does it take? it literally takes minutes to write 50 words about yourself.

Having said that - on Bumble the space is very limited. You have to think pretty succinctly and try to encourage further thought and questions. it can be tricky. But it separates the men from the boys!

OuttoGet Also like the house analogy (sp?)

User147 I think by 40s 50s the differences in age can be much less. Some people age very well and you wouldnt be able to tell them from 10 years younger folk.

Runny Good luck for tomorrow!

Bant we are lucky we are your outlet for one liners lately

I also have a friend who might be good for someone here. We should have a matchmaking service as well as a dating service

So, I've been exchanging messages with a man over the past few days and we've just had our first 'phone conversation. Imagine my surprise when he admitted to me that his wife, who announced a few months ago that she didn't love him anymore, has not moved out of their family home yet but is due to move out just before Easter.

He gets top marks for honesty and he sounds like a nice guy but my goodness! I couldn't absolutely have started seeing other men as soon as my husband and I split up.

Everybody heals in a different way, I guess.

I told him I'd be around if he fancied a chat but I wouldn't want to get his hopes up, really.

But honestly, isn't it a little crazy that I get to be grateful because somebody has been truthful about the fact he's still living with his future ex and still in love with her?

And this in the light of the fact that the last guy (the one I sent those six messages to) seems to be still with his not-so-ex. At least my sixth sense served me well with him. I knew something was off.

This- it is weird what you get grateful for when old- I think that's the trouble of connecting, or trying to connect with strangers. It is good that he could be honest though.

user what makes you think it won't work with your overseas man? Is it worth keeping yourself unavailable now if you already know it couldn't work out?