Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Think I neeed to try a new site or house , same people on POF that were there 2 years ago.

I spoke to Mr Busman all evening and we exchanged phone numbers to talk on whatsapp.

Mr 5k reappeared and has given me his phone number.

Mr old friend sent me a couple messages but then stopped, I do have him on Fb d hopefully he will message me at some point in the future but I can't see it leading to a date.

Mr Nice found me on POF and has been chatting to me about the crap dates he has been on.

Mr Mod sent me another message trying to blame me for showing no interest , I backed off because I was fed up of him putting no effort in he was always too busy, let me down several times when he was a meant to be coming over. He's just making me angry and I'm tempted to block him I him from Fb and go NC.

Mr still living his wife is still stalking me and trying very hard.

Love I found that with POF and Match, to be honest. Going back after a two-year break I recognised lots and lots of the same faces I saw originally. Which tends to suggest the success rate is much lower than we're led to believe.

I've had messages here and there but nobody I'm fussed about so I've let them all slide.

Still hoping that interesting one to pop up!!

I had a message from someone last night, she looked okay but her profile was a just ask. NEXT.

Info What is it with "just ask"?

Would love to know from the women on the thread if they see loads of profiles from men that say "just ask". Similarly, I see lots of profiles on Tinder from women with no photos at all. Three or four images of memes or silly cliches or places but no actual photos of themselves. I don't understand why you'd do that. Do men do that too?

Not implying anything sexist at all, but I do often wonder what it's like on the other side of the fence, as it were.

Yes they do ShatnersWig - pictures of the countryside or a bike in the countryside are pretty common (or maybe that's my demographic ) I just don't get it. They must understand that people want to know what they look like!

Half Weird, isn't it? Do they get no messages and replies and eventually change this I wonder, or do they actually get messages and replies with those?

ShatnersWig yes, men do both of those things. On Tinder many male profiles are blank, I now just swipe left on these, as from experience if we match they go nowhere. Many of the male Tinder profiles that are written are full of clichés or nonsense.

Pav Yes, I see quite a lot of blank profiles from women as well as the meme ones and I would never swipe right on one either.

Shatner: Just my opinion on just ask. These are dating sites and we have a profile to say something about ourselves. Anyone who leaves this blank is relying on just their photos to pull someone. Either that or they're lazy. Either way isn't good.

This then becomes no different to pulling someone in a bar because you like how they look but know nothing about them before talking to them.

The whole idea of having a profile is to get around that and know something before you talk, something a little more than how someone looks.

I think I've said it before but if you give me an average looking girl with a well written profile, I'd take her over a stunner with just ask every single time.

I know others won't mind and that's totally fine, we all use it in different ways but for me, it's lazy and if that person feels all they need is their looks, I don't want involvement with that person.

Just ask? Just ask what? If they say nothing at all what would I even ask?

Agree completely InfoSec, looks alone do not make for a satisfying date. They don't even make for satisfying sex if that is all you are looking for.

ShatnersWig I sometimes wonder if the no-pics people just have very little confidence in their appearance, but to be honest, if that is the case, then they are not for me either - confidence is so attractive even if someone is a 5/10

I say that as someone who is probably a 6/10 at best myself .

Info Agree on that totally. Looks may attract but it's personality and values that what take something beyond the initial attraction.

I once matched with someone on tinder who had no blurb. He said tinder had asked him to take it down as it was generating too much traffic Then he went on to say he found tinder really shallow. I helpfully pointed out that one way to make it infinitely more shallow was to post only pictures and no words. Goes without saying that the conversation ended there

I thought I'd have a look at Oasis to see if there were any different faces there. The vast majority of profiles have no photo or their photos are private. I don't know how they expect anyone to contact them if you can't see what they look like.
I've had dozens say they like me but not a single local person had a photo.
It's just lazy if they don't add anything to their profile. It doesn't take much to say a few words about yourself.

If anyone is looking for an alternative to POF or Tinder then I wouldn't recommend Oasis.
I can't get the app to work at all. Too many profiles without photos.
And the biggest problem...It seems to attract those who can't spell.
For example "open book, come & right my story". "Like Sweeming" and "I'm strait talking". Maybe "just ask" is easier to write.

It's not even really just about the shallow thing, I just have no idea what to say to just ask. Wouldn't have a clue what to ask with absolutely no guidance. Waste of time.

This thread moves fast

I dislike the 'just ask' in profiles. I never send a message if that's all in the profile blurb. I see them all the time on POF, I think every second profile has 'just ask' in it.

Had 2nd date with MrTalkative last night. It went well. Only spent about 1.5 hours together so not too long but we seemed to have that spark again, which is always a good thing! He did mention he wanted to hide his profile on POF so see how things go between us. I'm not too sure if it's too early or what? I am starting to like him but still trying not to over invest, bloody difficult mind you. We're meeting again on Saturday and spending a full day together so we shall see what happens.

He text this morning saying he really enjoyed last night and is looking forward to Saturday.

I had a girl message me and say brilliant profile. She said she'd win my affections with her humour. Sounds ideal right.

She then tells me a really crappy joke and said that someone had said it to her earlier.

So her best humour is something that someone else sent to her just before ha ha :)

I'd never tell someone that someone else had just sent that to me.

She wasn't my type anyway like but I just thought that was all quite lame!!

I did reply to a message from a "just ask" type once, because I liked the look of him. "So would you like to tell me something about yourself?" "Like what?" . Oh FFS....

My profile headline on POF is "you had me at 'will fill this bit in later'.."

'Just ask' profiles are lazy or entitled, in my opinion.

Very attractive women can get away with it, maybe, in that they'll get messages anyway no matter what they write. It does, however, mean lots of men will ask 'how was your weekend' or 'do you do anal' or other such gems. I never message someone with 'just ask' because it's too difficult to think of something original.

Profiles without photos I always assume are someone pathologically shy, very plain, or a defunct profile where someone has deleted the pictures but not the profile itself - some sites make it difficult or impossible to do that. I'll never message them.

Mr Busman has a good sense of humour and he seems to think it's good that I can joke back.

I hate profiles that say 'just ask', why would anyone 'just ask', I only message people who have similar interests, I like people that write a bit about themselves but without the details about how their last relationship ended .

Ha! Love it, Bant. If you came back in my search results, I would definitely click on a headline like that. Whenever I get a "how was ur weekend hun xxx" I have to suppress the urge to scream.

I currently have no photos and no text because I want to disable my account temporarily but I don't want to lose the username. I've also hidden it. It's pretty clear.

Lovemusic33 Love a good sense of humour. If I can't get comfortable enough to have some gentle teasing and a bit of dark humour too, it's just not going to work for me.

RunnnyMummy Never heard of Oasis. Won't bother investigating then!

You're due a wee bit of OLD luck and happiness LM33 so I hope it works out for you. That said, I totally jinxed yesterday's sunny weather by raving about it
The 'just ask' profiles show a distinct lack of imagination and intelligence. So I never message their sorry asses.
No photo, I always assume that they're married, no?

Glad some of you are having good dates :)

Pringle pleased you didnt contact him first - well done. And glad you know whatever happens now, he knows your thoughts on the things you needed etc

Dieu I used to answer all messages. I am polite and considerate. But I got fed up with the loads that were outside my stated age distance etc so gave up. Also some were not very nice so felt they did not deserve a reply.

Dieu 2 Yes dont worry about dating someone younger . Why not. My last relationship was someone much younger -and it was fab. While it lasted. I always knew it would end as he wants children. And then he moved overseas for a very legit reason so it ended then. I did read the threads on Mumsnet about dating a younger man and all the things you need to take into account and that was actually very helpful.

LM33 just block Mod and forget him. You deserve much better

PlentyofFish Just be careful of yourself re inviting someone in so soon. I would need to be very confident of someones behaviour to do that .

HalfinLove may be in same position as you soon. Have 2 irons currently but if they go by wayside dont see many more I am interested in. AM on OKC too. Not too sure what to try next

MyUser Pleased for you

I hate the Just ask and never do

Liking the must have lists.

I can talk to 3 at the same time but dont want t do any more. And am not popular enough to really have that problem.

I will mail men first sometimes if their profile really 'speaks' to me. I actually dont contact many and many dont contact me as I think I'm quite direct who I am and attract kindred spirits. But I then do end up meeting a high percentage of who contacts me and who I contact.

just catching up