Dating Thread 115 - come join us!

[InfoSec21]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Bant When I was on POF some years back, I think only ever had six or seven first messages from women and two of those were abusive! Not a bad record when I probably only had 14 replies to all of my first messages!

Been back on Tinder for the last six days but no matches as I've only swiped right to about four women. Still getting loads of profiles showing people "within 25 miles" or whatever but whose profiles clearly state "I live in Leeds" or somewhere else that's about 100+ miles away.

ShatnersWig Tinder uses the person's location when they last used the app, not their home address, so if they are travelling or commuting they might appear in your search. Having said that, Tinder does include people from outside your search radius if they have already swiped right on you.

Pavonia I don't actually buy that, as I think I've mentioned previously. When I was on it previously, I was matched with someone who was shown as being 28 miles away (my radius being 35). They messaged me first and after a fair bit of chatting asked whereabouts I lived. They were as astonished as I was to discover I lived 130 miles away. I have only once been within 35 miles of Manchester when I used the airport 5 years ago. She has never been anywhere near where I live. Go figure.

Mr Mod messaged saying that he hadn't messaged me because he wanted to see if I would message him, then said 'sums up all I need to know'. So basically he has been game playing, ignoring me to see if I react [grr]. I have messaged him back with a pretty shit message saying 'I'm not really into playing games, maybe it's about time you grew up' and I also told him that 'I am not looking for a pen pal, or someone I only see once a month, would be nice to actually have someone I can see and touch'. I am pretty pissed off but just proves to me that he's a twat.

Sorry to hear that, frustrating to know game playing was involved in his silence :(

I am guilty of playing games in the past, it always ends badly or back fires so it's just not worth it.

Anyway, have been eying up a car today, think I may give men a miss and just buy a classic to play with .

LM - yup, game playing, and infantile at that. He's really not worth it, don't even bother with shitty messages as that just reinforces for him that it was all you and not him (he who is obviously 'oh so reasonable at all times'). Plus sending shitty messages doesn't actually make you feel better I don't think?

Move on. Well, take a break, then move on!

Yeah cars are better than relationships, get another one and you'll feel happy all the time.

Got an etiquette question for you all. This hasn't happened to me, I'm just curious how people would react.

Q. Someone you've messaged before, once maybe twice, as approach attempts over a long period, but they've never replied to you before, drops you an approach message. Do you:

A) ignore
B) reply and chat
C) reply and chat and jokingly mention that they didn't reply before
D) reply but only to say no thanks because you didn't reply last time I tried
E) something else

B

They may not have seen your previous mail. They may have been dating someone else at the time and not logging in, and came back and started afresh.

A is silly. You fancy each other, a bit. Why not pursue it? It's just a few minutes of your time, and it could be kismet,
C is a bit passive aggressive. Bring it up later, after you've chatted for a bit if you want though.
D is pissy.

Tough one info, chances are she was already chatting to someone else when you first messaged her, maybe now she's not talking to them anymore she has moved in on the next one? That's just how online dating goes. If it was me I would be inclined not to message (just because I'm a grumpy cow and am being fussy right now) but then again you might miss out on meeting 'the one' so no harm in chatting and see where it goes.

Absolutely ignore.
I generally get approached lots on OLD, and no matter how busy, I will ALWAYS fire off a polite reply email. Even if it's just to say I'm not interested, due to distance or whatever.
The fact that this person had ignored me in the first place, would tell me all I need to know about them.
Admittedly, my standards are high ... but I endeavour to treat others how I'd like to be treated.

But Dieu - maybe she used to reply to everyone, and then got angry emails from someone for rejecting them. I used to reply to every mail until a couple of women got sweary and accused me of being arrogant for saying thanks but no thanks.

And maybe she was dating someone and didn't check her mails, got back onto OD and didn't have them. POF auto deletes messages more than a month old. Match does too, I think?

I think it's worth a reply, at least. Finding two people who find each other attractive enough to both message first isn't that common..

I have never had anything but appreciative messages back, when I've sent rejection emails ... and I must have fired off hundreds of the things over the past few months.
I can totally understand that this is only my experience though, and maybe I've just been lucky.
It would still be a 'no' from me, as I wouldn't forget the fact that they hadn't bothered to reply in the first place.
Your reasoning does make sense Bant; it's just not what I would choose to apply to me.

Let's say that you know full well that the person viewed your profile after reading your message. So you know they checked you out and didn't wish to reply at the time, but they were using their account.

And I swear this hasn't happened to me!! Ha ha.

Info I don't definitely wouldn't mention it, I'd just reply and leave it with an open Question so that you are opening up a conversation.
I agree there could be loads of reasons she didn't reply before and looked at your profile, I wouldn't read too much into it. If you like her don't start of defensive it could be the start of something beautiful!
I have 4th date with Mr pizza, definitely seems to be potential there but as yet unsure of sexual chemistry, 3rd date was a bit awkward on that front. Should be able to have a drink tonight though so maybe that will loosen things a bit!

Aye Info, we believe you

Hope it goes well Plenty. Alcohol is a winner on dates.

LM33 It sounds like he wanted you to do ALL the chasing. Sod that. You're best off out of it

It was just a thought. Someone I'd messaged twice in the past is back on. I just wondered to myself, if she ever messaged me, what would I do. And figured I'd ask the crew here :)

She hasn't messaged by the way, I personally wouldn't reply.

Dieu go for it. My guy is 33. I am 46. Going strong now for 6 months. And it's only getting better and better. Feck the bedgrudgers 😎

Been talking to someone since yesterday on POF, haven't given him my phone number yet, he seems ok but says that he has had money problems since his marriage ended 2 years ago and he is liviing in a room at a friends house. Usually I go for men who are either renting or own a house. He seems quite open and has told me quite a bit about himself, doesn't blow his own trumpet and has a good sense of humour, not sure if he ticks many of my wants. I shall call him Mr Busman. Anyway he messages back within seconds of me sending him a message, seems quite keen but hasn't actually suggested meeting up.

I think it's really tricky with past people who initially didn't message. I'm not good at messaging more than one person at a time, so if I'm in the midst of Orr-meeting messaging with someone, but haven't yet dated them so don't want to come off the sites just yet, I probably won't reply to unsolicited messages. That doesn't mean I don't like them, just means I'm putting my energy into one place at a time.

I just realised I deleted pof from my phone with out hiding my profile. I should probably do that!

Mr Web wants to talk on the phone tonight. He's really quite nice! I hope I don't lose this one before the date on Thursday...

LM glad you are rid of MOD. After all the faffing with work etc, he still expected you to chase him as some kind of test?? F that!

Sounds promising lovemusic!
Loving those of you dating younger guys too!
Just wondering... What's the etiquette of inviting someone back in after date. Would it always mean sex to a guy?cos my kids will be upstairs so wouldn't want to go too far but wouldn't want to lead him on either if things took a turn in that direction?