New partner got a private dance in a strip club?

[Anonymous2121]

I have been seeing a man for around 5 months now, so the relationship is still fairly new. We get on really well, great sex, it was a little complicated at the start due to ex-partners but things have been going great.

We went out on Friday evening and he admitted that the weekend before he had gone to a strip club with his friends and he had paid for a private dance. He said it very flippantly and in a light-hearted way. I had a problem with this as we had talked previously about being exclusive with one another and I see paying for a private strip dance as cheating. He argued that it was just a bit of fun with his mates, you can't even touch the women and he had been drinking.

We hadn't discussed relationship/cheating boundaries prior to this but it is pretty obvious in my mind that this is some form of cheating? I would have no problem if it was a group activity/part of a group stag do, but it's the fact he actually paid for a private dance which annoyed me. I am considering calling things off, but not sure if I am over reacting and it is indeed something trivial?

I've now reread it several times. I'm sorry, I still don't understand it.

So having a one night stand with an enthusiastically consenting partner for mutual pleasure and buying the use of a woman for money are the same thing in your book?

Guava - your posts make absolutely no sense!
Or am I missing something?

Phew-I'm so glad it's not just me!

I suspect guava is for some reason ignoring the commercial connotations of the word "commodification".............

"Not sure why it's so hard to follow."

Because it's, frankly, nonsense!

Those who don't consider it cheating, would you think the same if he did this with a random woman he'd met rather than a lapdancer?

Guava - how is a man (or woman) having a ons treating the other person like a commodity? A commodity is something that can be bought or sold, hence why paying for a woman at a lap dancing club is treating her like a commodity!!!!

I get where Guava's coming from

"So having a one night stand with an enthusiastically consenting partner for mutual pleasure"

Bertrand ive had two one night stands in my life. In both cases that involved pleasure for the man and painful PIV for me.

IME if a man knows he isnt likely to see you again hes not going to care whether the woman gets any pleasure or not. So mutual pleasure from ONS Not in my experience.

"Bertrand ive had two one night stands in my life. In both cases that involved pleasure for the man and painful PIV for me"

Frankly, that sounds more like rape to me............

"The pp suggested they would get over their dp having a one night stand,"

No I didn't. I said something along the lines of being able to imagine circumstances in which my relationship could survive a one night stand. Rather different.

Bluntness100, I think you're naive to think these women are all professionals who wouldn't touch these men with a barge pole. One of my friend's regularly stripped at a very well known strip club years ago and some of the stories she's told me are shocking. Prostitution organised by the bouncers/security acting as pimps for example. The women were pressurised into sleeping with high paying men and their lives made difficult by the bouncers if they refused.

No I consented both times and in both cases they stopped when i said it was painful.

It just wasnt great for me thats all.

It's not OK for my dp to disregard me ever. However. As I said I can imagine circumstances in which my dp had sex with somebody else and our relationship survived it. People
get carried away. But if he showed himself to be the sort of person who thought of women as things to be bought and sold I would not, under any circumstances, want to be with a person like that.

It's not about actions. It's about mindset.

Maybe if he'd went to a real sleazy club I'd have had an issue. But it was one of the major chains, where the woman are proud of what they do.

I don't see how a club where women perform private dances is not sleazy...

"'s odd that you think being unfaithful is 'survivable' but going to a strip club isn't confused"

I think that might be because you're not reading what I am saying. I'll try again. I could possibly accept that two people fancy each other and in the heat of the moment do something they regret later. I could never accept that someone thought that women are things that can be bought and sold.

The bit where I said the mindset that thinks of women as things to be bought and sold is unacceptable tonne.