Dating a man who is seeing someone else

[magdaboom]

Hi all, I need some healthy perspective on a situation that is starting to bother me quite a bit. Long post, I am afraid.

I have been seeing this man for a month or so. I am nearly 28 and he is 45, so there is a significant age gap there. We are both single and no DC. We met at work, althought we don't work together directly.

We hit off really well and things have progressed quite quickly. We usually meet 2/3 times a week, we have dinner, I sleep at his, then we go out for a walk and breakfast the next day. All very lovely.

I got out of a LTR 6 months ago and I was not looking for another relationship, so at first I thought this was only going to be a casual thing.

He has been very vocal about his feelings for me, recently told me he is falling for me, that I am different from other women and blablabla. I don't know if I trust his words, although it is obviously nice to hear them. I am a lot more cautious about expressing my feelings so I don't really say much in comparison.

Last week he dropped in while I was having a drink with 3 friends and took us all for an impromptu dinner which he paid for. I was quite impressed as it was the first time he met any of my friends (I met some of his friends already) and he acted quite "boyfriend-like". It feels like things are heading towards relationship territory.

Now here's the problem: he has also been seeing this 21 years old woman for a couple of months. Apparently she is a virgin for religious reasons and they don't have sex, they go on dates and I guess they kiss/ maybe do foreplay. From how he talks about her it sounds like a casual thing, but then who knows?

He was always very open about it since the beginning, so it is not like he deceived me. At first I genuinely did not care, as I thought it was going to remain a casual thing between us.

But now I am starting to be bothered by the idea that he is seeing this woman. I also can't understand the nature of that situation, something sounds off to me.

At the same time it is such an early stage of dating that I feel it would be wrong to express these feelings. We are not dating exclusively and I am ok with that. I actually would not mind if he was dating around, but the idea of him consistently having some sort of a relationship with another woman is somewhat annoying me. I haven't been on dates since I started seeing him, but I am going on a date this coming week, partially to see if that makes me feel different about the whole situation.

I am considering to take some distance from this man as a result of the fact that he is seeing this woman. I feel like if I keep getting more involved, it will only get worse and I will potentially end up being hurt.

What do you all think? Should I end things now? Or am I overthinking this?

RTFT!

For what it is worth (nothing) I think the virginity thing might be true as she posted a lot of Christian stuff on her social media pages, so that would somehow fit with what he said. Not that this changes anything.

No offence OP but it was pretty apparent; you had red flags flying all around you but choose not to see them; also, I'd think very hard about another FWB situation, especially when he's having sex with other women.

The guy is the biggest creep ever; going after young vulnerable girls and impressing with dinners out; you've learnt the hard way but you will have a learnt a very important lesson and I doubt you'll end up there again.

Also, if you allow him to play you again then sorry but face the consequence of that; you already know he's a lying cheating old perv so why he would convince you is beyond me.

Call me old fashioned but I wouldn't expect any guy I was dating to be seeing other people. If you want me you don't have a girl on the side.

Dump him. He might be falling for you blah blah blah but he hasn't dumped the other girl or made any attempt to show you he only wants you. Equally he shouldn't be discussing the other girls personal information with you. It's none of your business & shows he probably happily discusses you too

OP: a virgin my arse, he's been having a sexual relationship with her and you've been the bit on the side, stop deluding yourself fgs.

Adora of course he has a relationship with her and I am the bit on the side. That is exactly what I stated in my previous comment.

Not having penetrative sex does not mean not doing any sexual activity at all. It just means doing everything but intercourse. I believe they already have a sexual relationship without penetrative sex, that she is a virgin and he is set on taking her virginity, as pp stated. Which makes him even creepier.

You know nothing about their relationship because he told you a pack of lies about it; when you meet someone and they tell you they are seeing someone nearly 30 years their junior that should set of alarm bells, it also gives him the impression you are up for being played and that's exactly what he did; I would like to say you have learnt but your last bit about being reeled again is scary; surely you wouldn't be duped twice by him? He's full of BS.

Adora you are right on everything. I should have steered clear. Lesson learned, next time I will not be so stupid. Thank you for your inputs