What would you do, message from another woman?

[Emboo19]

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

I wonder how long they'd been FB friends for. It's possible that she only saw the post on his FB referencing you after something had happened between them and she 'liked' it as a way of telling him she was on to him and his cheating ways

I have a 19yo relative who admitted to messaging another woman claiming to have with her boyfriend, purely in order to cause trouble. It happens.

She asked what proof do you want. I would reply with what proof have you got.

"I have a 19yo relative who admitted to messaging another woman claiming to have with her boyfriend, purely in order to cause trouble. It happens."

It may do occasionally but in my experience, if a woman contacts another woman saying she's been with her partner (to whatever extent); she usually has.

I would ask him. Look him in the eye, I would ask him if he was lying, make him lie to my face.

I think you need to speak to him face to face. Good luck!

I don't think you should enter into a discussion with the OW at all.

Just speak to your partner as soon as possible, face to face.

She said what proof do I want. I can't think of anything to ask though

Something about his flat?

If they were both pissed and getting on with DTD, she's not going to have been scrutinising his body for tattoos and birthmarks. Ditto bedding, wallpaper and furniture. They may not even have turned the light on.

I agree that this isn't EITHER she's feeling genuinely regretful OR she's out to cause trouble. She could be feeling bad (and stupid) for believing him that you'd split up, AND pissed off that he used her as a quick shag and then threw her out when he'd got it.

OP if you do confront him, I'd print out the message and give it him to read. It allows you to focus on his face while he's reading it, which is easier than trying to speak to him and watch him. It also takes him longer to read than to hear, and so the horror tends to dawn more slowly and shows on his face more readily.

"I'd ask her to describe a tattoo on a part of his body where there isn't one."

That may prove nothing; drunkeness, low lighting etc. We rarely do a minute inventory of someone's body on a ons . She might just think she hadn't seen it and not be able to say either way.

I doubt late at night and having sex for the first time in a drunken state either of them would be taking much interest in identifying bodily marks. Pity though

I am sorry OP but I am inclined to believe her, she has nothing to gain and, if it was a revenge for being rejected message I think she would be less factual and apologetic. I really think she thought you and him had split up, although one thing confuses me, she said she was with him after you left, so had she been watching the 2 of you and noticed you leave, therefore assuming you had either had a row and literally split up that night or perhaps were now just friends hence leaving earlier than him.

Also, confronting him and studying his reaction is not reliable; some people are v good at hiding reactions and lying, he's also possibly prepared for something like this.

Op, I know you say he hasn't cheated before but do you know what his form was like for previous relationships?

I doubt if he's put pictures of his bathroom on SM and no matter how drunk she's bound to have used it. You could ask her about that if you want to ask for proof?

I would say don't contact her again, just wait to see what he has to say. I agree with The Devil, give him the messages to read and watch his reaction.

I hope it doesn't prove to be true x

Asking something specific about his flat is a good idea. That said, if he's acted out of character and sent a drunken text at 3am and then she's followed it up by a message at 5am then that would have me believing the worst.

She's also said he stated that you and he had broken up? So her being aware of an ex partner with a child wouldn't of been an issue initially. It was only when he booted her out at stupid o'clock that the penny dropped with her. I'd imagine she felt used, he'd bedded her then told her to basically F'off! So she wants revenge. She has nothing to lose.

Brace yourself for the worst :(

Why do people think she's lying? What is in it for her? If she is really after op's boyfriend he's not going to forgive her for this behaviour is he? She's dumped him right in it ... I doubt he'll move seamlessly on from the op for this girl.

So sorry this has happened op! At least you know before you've set up home together.

the drunken text you got from him, was it a soppy affectionate one? My ex did this when he cheated..its like your bf suddenly appearing with flowers for no reason, guilty conscience

Sorry but to even think of questioning this is being gullible. He defo has cheated. Why would she lie? She knows you'll tell him it was her who told you!
No matter what, he won't be happy with her and if they know each other etc she's not going to want others accusing her of splitting you up etc based in a lie. She'll come out bad in this in terms of her reputation too - why on earth would she do this if not true.

I'm not saying she's done it as a favour to you - sounds like someone scorned to be fair but I'd defo believe it happened.

I agree fully with Buttercup.

I dunno now, her response is plausible, the fact he shagged her and chucked her out must have been galling and I can see in that circumstance why she would tell you, if he said you'd broken up and and then she suspected otherwise.

On balance I'd probably say yes he did. And he was unpleasant about it too, lied to get sex then asked her to go. Thats sickening behaviour in my book.

Sorry op, as said, on balance I'd think yes he did.

The op is incredibly calm about everything. I really want this to be not what it looks like!

She said she's not sure of bedding etc, didn't use bathroom. Knew what clothes he had on and that he's got a guitar in his room. Which he died but more than one and that's definitely on insta.

His friend replied to my friend, saying J was really drunk and they didn't get in till after 4.

He phoned about 10 mins ago, said he's really hungover can I go get him as he doesn't think he should drive yet. Seemed normal, just hungover.

I hope he doesn't claim memory loss.