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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would you do, message from another woman?

451 replies

Emboo19 · 18/03/2017 09:57

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

OP posts:
JonesyAndTheSalad · 18/03/2017 12:20

If she's asked what proof you want, that means she has some. :(

It is sounding more like she's telling the truth to me OP. And that she was bitter that he said she had to go. Sounds like she got home about 5 and thought she'd tell you because he's hurt her feelings.

CatThiefKeith · 18/03/2017 12:20

Another one that would be inclined to believe her. Agree about asking her to describe his home/bedding too.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2017 12:21

How come so many people advocate for telling someone if they have been cheated on. Yet, when someone does just that, they must be a bitter trouble causer?

Olympiathequeen · 18/03/2017 12:23

If this girl is genuine and slept with your bf because she thought you had broken up and she is genuinely sorry, then she will do everything to help you determine what the truth is. Yes, ask her about his house, bed linen, and so on. She's probably as angry with him as you would be because he also led her on purely for sex with lies about you.

I'm thinking she is telling the truth. She's not an ex and although I think she fancied him there's no evidence it was a stalking campaign.

Get all the info you can before confronting your bf. Get him asap when he is still hungover and probably feeling guilty because he's less able to cover up with more lies then.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 18/03/2017 12:23

AnyFucker well....I said she was bitter. But I never said she was wrong for telling the OP.

If it's true...what happened, then I'm sure she IS feeling bitter. It's a shit thing to do...not only to the OP of course but to this girl. To fuck her and then kick her out..no wonder she's feeling bad.

Not that OP will care about that naturally.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 18/03/2017 12:24

Queen makes a good point. Ask her a detail about the inside of his bedroom. Then you will know for sure.

Emboo19 · 18/03/2017 12:24

That's the problem with social media, there's nothing I can ask that she can't have seen on Instagram or Facebook! He has tattoos which she did mention but they're showing in photos, nothing that you'd only see when naked. There's pictures of his house from parties etc.

I would be very surprised Any I really wouldn't expect it of him, and he knows it's a deal breaker for me, no way I'd forgive him. Plus probably reallly bitchy of me, but she doesn't seem like his type even if he were single, even worse if he's thrown away our relationship for one night with her.

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 18/03/2017 12:25

If he avoids you all day then it's a sure sign he is guilty as hell.

AnyFucker · 18/03/2017 12:26

I guess it is possible to be both bitter and doing the right thing in informing someone their partner is fucking about.

Some posts seem to be working on the premise it is either/or

Flipthebirdy · 18/03/2017 12:26

Ask her if you can speak to her on the phone. You might be able to tell if she's making it up or not.

Itsjustaphase84 · 18/03/2017 12:27

Sorry to hear this OP. I'd be interested in his response Flowers

Lunalovepud · 18/03/2017 12:28

I agree with dowhatnow ask her to describe something about his house...

oleoleoleole · 18/03/2017 12:28

Ask her what time she went back to and from. Ask her what bedding is on bed. Very specific details.

He Ishtar have thought one last fling before he settles down..silly boy!

oleoleoleole · 18/03/2017 12:28

Ishtar? Might!

Oysterbabe · 18/03/2017 12:28

It does have a ring of truth. I'm sorry OP Flowers
You need to confront him.

luckycatclover · 18/03/2017 12:29

Is it normal for him to not speak to you until this time after a night out? Like a PP said, avoiding you today is not a good sign

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/03/2017 12:29

luna she's just said there's pictures on SM from parties that she can easily describe because it's online.

You could sort of ask about his ahem...

Lunalovepud · 18/03/2017 12:29

Sorry - just saw your most recent post OP... Is there any way you could speak to her? Might be easier to get to the bottom of it if you were actually talking rather than messaging...

I hope you are ok - this must be so stressful.

Lunalovepud · 18/03/2017 12:30

Alright KungFu I am a slow typer. Wink

Greenkit · 18/03/2017 12:31

Not looking good

Nosyparker1 · 18/03/2017 12:33
Flowers
AGnu · 18/03/2017 12:34

I'd ask her to describe a tattoo on a part of his body where there isn't one.

debbs77 · 18/03/2017 12:36

Oh goodness. Your brain must feel scrambled. Here for a hand hold x

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 18/03/2017 12:39

I'd ask her to describe something then won't be on Facebook or whatever. His bedding is specific, most people have a few different kinds of bedding so she's taking a risk describing one she's seen on social media.

abbsisspartacus · 18/03/2017 12:39

My ex had very specific scar tissue only someone who has been up close and personal with would know

Does yours?

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