What would you do, message from another woman?

[Emboo19]

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

Newsflash Women lie we are not all upstanding members of the community. Some like stirring shit for no reason. Some are gullible and think they're joining in with a joke, go on it will be funny if you send this text. I used to know two teachers who would go out searching for men wearing wedding rings and target them. I wouldn't be assuming a stranger is telling the truth over those I know.

Bit weird. Just ask him.

Gosh, how upsetting for you, OP

Sounds like a woman causing trouble IMO, hope you get it sorted x

She might be 'out to cause trouble' but she wouldn't be out to cause trouble with him (a guy who she had very little to do with and was just friends of friends) unless something had happened. People just don't send texts at 5am in the morning aimed at breaking up a relationship without reason. As it is, her message sounds regretful and embarrassed not malicious. You would be naive to the extreme if you believe him over her.

He has everything to lose. She has nothing.

Does she have a boyfriend? The fact that she lied about not knowing about you seems odd. Like she might just be causing trouble?

Well, if she is lying about not knowing he had a partner and child, she could be lying about this too.

I'd ask him calmly "who is x?" and see what he says. If he says something about why would you ask, or calls you neurotic or jealous or similar with I'd be thinking he has something to hide.

Haffdonga it could be that what happened is as simple as that she tried it on with him and he rejected her.

Twix that's what I thought. Sounds like she was bitter about something anyway.

I'm always a bit by the "look him on the face and you'll know" thing. I've been with two unfaithful men and looked them in the face blah blah blah and I did not know. I have also been the one doing the bad behaviour and they did not know. Someone who is invested in protecting their situation can lie and convince. I've seen it too many times.

Sadly I think she is telling the truth OP but is trying to minimise her role in it.

I'd go against the grain here and ask your boyfriend straight out what happened.

You seem to trust him. And there could be any number of explanations for that FB message - why do people always assume the bloke has gone & shagged someone else at the first opportunity.

I reckon she's just a trouble maker or has been rejected by him. Not nice for you though.

Hope it all turns out OK for you

Because I'm devious , I'd be logging onto his facebook and messaging her or checking if there's been any messages sent in the past. Or getting his phone and looking at that.

I'd do those things before mentioning it to him. Because if you mention it then he will immediately delete any past history...if there is any.

And anyone who says that's out of order...it's not when you have a baby to look after.

I think it's quite tenuous to assume this woman wants to cause trouble and is sending 5am messages just for the hell of it?

It doesn't ring true that she would make false allegations just because she's a "trouble maker" . She's part of the friendship group your partner is in, why would she make herself look like a vindictive person for nothing?

I'm also inclined to think trouble maker, she tried it on with him, he rejected her.

You already know she's a liar.

I think that you will just have to ask you OH.
She may or may not be lying. I wouldn't assume that he was guilty of any wrongdoing.
Agree that his friends will not tell you if he got up to anything.

She's not replied to my message yet.
It doesn't look like she has a boyfriend no.
My friend has been digging and it looks like she was out last night, and at the same club my boyfriend went to, there's pictures on her Instagram and on his friends. Nothing of them in the same group or anything.

Not sure where she knows him from, but thinking school from the mutual friends. But she's a few years younger, not a ex or anything to the best of my knowledge.

Yes, I'm seeing him later today.
Tried his brother and he's not answering his phone, but I doubt either of them are up yet.
I'm good friend with his brother, that's how I met my bf and they aren't the closest brothers. I think if I asked he would tell me, maybe not volunteer the information, but I don't think he'd let me look stupid if I asked and my bf was lying to me.

My friends messages one of my bf's friends, who likes her. Just asking what time they ended up getting home and what state was my bf in.

I hope this ends up being innocent but it doesn't look good OP.

She has lied already. I suspect that she came on to him, they may or may not have dtd, he then regretted it and rejected her and now she's hoping you throw him out.

If she already knew about you
A. Why get involved with him?
B. Bother to let you know?
It doesn't paint her in a good light.

However, he may have succumbed to temptation. You need to see what he says.

I like Jonesy's style.
Don't rush into questioning him. Feel him out. See how he behaves when he gets home.
You said she knows about you because he had posted a photo on Facebook. Is it possible that that's the first photo she's seen so she has just found out about you yesterday?

Sorry I'd be inclined to believe her. Otherwise it's very random and odd behaviour for her just to make this up. And it sounds like if they were in the same club last night etc so the opportunity was there. I'd ask him straight out.

I do know his log in details to Facebook and Instagram. Not from snooping or anything he's asked me to check and reply to message before now for him, unless he's changed passwords.

It feels like crossing a line looking without asking him though.

No don't do that. It sounds as if it was a one off spontaneous thing - if it happened at all.

If she had made it up to stir, would she really have know that he wasn't going back to sleep with you last night? I mean, it is possible. But is it likely?

I don't think you'll need to cross that line. Like PP have said, look him in the eyes when you ask him about it.