What would you do, message from another woman?

[Emboo19]

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

she has nothing to gain

Ask her to describe his undercrackers.

Did he stay at his brothers flat you said?
So he must have gone back to his, then his brothers after if this is true.
You should ask the brother if they all came back together?
What are you gonna do OP? Pick him up and question there and then or what?

Have you managed to get in touch with his brother and the friend at all?

I would be wanting to get as many versions of events as possible before inviting your partner to give his. IT doesn't look good though, does it?

Oh never mind, sorry just saw you said he was at his own flat.

I think you're going to have to wait until you're face to face with him and then 'hit' him with it. Tell him you received some troubling messages from Name of Girl this morning and could he please explain. Then watch him and wait for a reply. Say nothing else.

I'd agree, ask what under wear he was wearing, tell her you just want to be sure. Then you know.

He does not died! Although he will be dead if it's true!!
His brothers at his, he stayed there. Not spoke to him yet though.
I'm going to go get him and ask when we get back here, I think!!

'She's also said he stated that you and he had broken up? So her being aware of an ex partner with a child wouldn't of been an issue initially. It was only when he booted her out at stupid o'clock that the penny dropped with her. I'd imagine she felt used, he'd bedded her then told her to basically F'off! So she wants revenge. She has nothing to lose.'

^ THIS

And (IME) also likely coupled with the fact that she thinks you should know. Feeling used and vengeful towards him and thinking you have a right to know your OH has cheated on you (assuming he did lie to her about being single and it was only when she got home and onto social media - presumably to learn more about 'her' new totty) are not mutually exclusive.

So are you going to pick him up?
I would certainly ask him about last night. You must be heartbroken , so sorry

Sorry cross post.

I wouldn't hit him with it straight away, just ask some general questions about the night and gauge his reaction. Can you put together a timeline from FB/Instagram posts?

I don't know what underwear he had on!

Why does he have his own place if you have a baby together?

Did she take any pictures of them together?

He's going to deny it and based on the excuses given already, I expect the soap will believe it anyway. Not being mean OP, it must be awful but it sounds like you're really clutching at straws here

I've known a lovely man who was still able to have a one night stand the morning if his wedding!!!! Everyone in the circle knew and none told his bride who he married only 5 hours later!

In terms of the pick up, I wouldn't be doing that until I have a clearer picture of last night.

Seems quite clear cut to me, sadly

If you can check his Facebook I would. Now, before he deletes any messages.

If you completely trust that his brother will tell the truth then I would ask him what happened.

Check if your dp is still friends with this girl. If something happened he might block/unfriend her.

Also, his - out of character - text at 3am seems to line up with what she is saying.

Be careful though OP, as I can't help but wonder if his recent text re 'too hungover drive' is him already laying the foundation of feigning blackout last night whereas in reality both that AND last night's text both speak of the very opposite.

I'm afraid you've been cheated on and I'm afraid you're about to get played too. Please don't let him mug you over or play you for a fool.

And YY to AF's more succinct way of putting all of it - it does very much have ring of truth and yep, most of us on here do lean towards the cheated spouse has the right to know so can hardly damn her for doing precisely what we'd advocate for.

I had the same thought shaking especially coupled with the friends 'j was really drunk and we didn't get home til 4am' it all smacks a bit of alibi-building.

Go get him see what he says
Ask his brother
Maybe check his FB if you have access

So sorry, it really does look like he has cheated.

I'm not sure the absolute memory loss line would work though if his brother also stayed there. If it is true, his brother would have to do the lying. I think he's the one to get the truth from.

Have just remembered something a (much more level headed than me under the circs!) friend did in very similar circumstances.

She simply told him that she 100% knew, said - untruthfully, but as part of a bid to determine the truth IYKWIM - that she knew he was drunk/wouldn't have normally been that kind of bloke/that it must be eating him up etc etc, and that on that basis she could absolutely forgive him.

She said the only thing she had to know was that he please tell her if they (him and the OW) had used a condom or not - that literally she was not going to leave him but wanted to know that so could know if he needed testing.

He was so pathetically relieved he fell for it and said, yes, they had used a condom. And then she had her answer.

If I were in your situation I'd absolutely do precisely the above right now - cuts right through the potential for gas-lighting bullshit.

I've said I'll go get him in a bit, I'm just sorting the baby and my friend is still here.
At least if I go get him, I'll see who's at his, he house shares so his room mates should be there. She said no one else went back with them, and his mates didn't see him go. One of her mates did though and she'll back her friend up.
I do think if he was drunk and went off on his own, his brother or one of his mates would have text me to see if he was here.