What would you do, message from another woman?

[Emboo19]

I received a Facebook message early this morning 5am time, only just seen it when checking my emails though. From a girl, I don't know saying she was with my boyfriend last night after I left and went back to his place. No more details than that and just a sorry, didn't realise he had a girlfriend and baby.

My boyfriend was out for his birthday yesterday, I met up with him around 8pm and came home around 11.30. Him and his friends were going to a club. My friend came back with me and was staying over and I knew dd would be asleep in my room. He was already drunk so I said he should stay at his place. Did get a drunken text around 3am from him, which was a bit unusual for him.

I showed my friend and she said to message her for more details, see if it checks out. I'm more inclined to just ask my boyfriend when he gets here later. My friend thinks that's very naive of me.

No issues of cheating ever and I've had no reason to doubt him before. He was out with his brother, friends and some of their girlfriends. His brother and one friend I think would tell me if he did anything anyway.

What would others do? I feel like asking her or anyone else, is like not trusting him really and I'd probably be annoyed if it was the other way and he didn't just ask me.
But then if I just ask him, as my friend says, he has a chance to lie and cover his tracks. I really don't think he would though.

I wouldn't go on his FB/Insta etc. It doesn't sound premeditated anyway.

It all sounds really weird. She's likely to have known you existed before she went home with him (if she did), from the picture liking etc, and you say they're friends on Facebook- are you 'in a relationship' on Facebook, does he post pictures of you/DD? If so it's kinda unlikely again she wouldn't already be aware of something.

If he knows you have his log ins, then it's very unlikely there'd be anything on there.

I am inclined to think it might be best if you just ask him and watch his reaction carefully. If you say something like "I had an odd message from a girl called X today" and watch VERY carefully as there will be a split second reaction of fear if he's guilty of anything.

He will replace this expression very quickly with one of innocence or confusion.

I can't believe the number of people who think she is trouble making. I know far more people who have had affairs or unwittingly slept with someone who was attached than who would deliberately want to stir up trouble for someone they don't know.

Look at all the threads on here that say tell the wife/girlfriend if you know someone has been unfaithful.

She's liked a lot of his pictures from at least the last few months, can't be bothered looking further than that. She's even commented on one of our daughter from when we went away in February, saying 'aw cute' he hasn't replied to her comment.

Anyway she sent a reply, said she met him in the club, he asked her back. She's saying she asked if he had a girlfriend and he said we'd broken up. They had sex and then he said she had to go, which made her think he hadn't really broken up with me. Hence the message.
She said what proof do I want. I can't think of anything to ask though!!

you dont know when she 'liked' the photo though - it may have been when she was snooping at his profile and that might have been the picture that informed her. she may have 'liked' it so that HE saw she had seen that he had a gf and dd in case he tried to tell her it was all over, and you dont know when she started following him, so I wouldnt be getting too caught up in the 'well she lied' business.

she knows you left
she was at the same place

she is 'known' to him even if you dont know her

if it was not true, as others said, she wouldnt have known that he wasnt with you at 5am, which could have backfired on her badly.

I sadly suspect something has happened, and after he left she has had a snoop - possibly because of him slinking off instead of staying, maybe something didnt ring true. She has discovered he has a gf and DD - maybe by having seen that very instagram photo, and the time of it, and has messaged you. Yes to cause trouble, but trouble for him for lying to her, and she feels humiliated by having been with him when he is a cheat.

I don't think she's lying to you, sorry.

ahh cross posts. call me psychic!!

Her response sounds pretty legit and makes sense. I rather suspect that he has cheated on you sad to say.

So if he asked her back that would have been back to his brother's house?

TBH I would be confronting him about it and would already be snooping on FB but I appreciate that isn't necessarily the right thing to do...

Gawd how tawdry. I think she is telling the truth. He was drunk and wanted sex and she offered it. As simple and as horrid as that. What are you going to do? I wouldn't see him today.

That had the ring of truth, op. I am sorry.

You don't sound very surprised

Ask how long his chest/ pubic hair is? ( unless he looks the type to trim or or not bother.

She is totally stirring. No one sends a message at 5am if they are actually thinking about the other person. She wants you to know. Perhaps they did do something but he's not having any sort of affair by the sound of it.

Women do lie too cause trouble. When me and DH first got together an old fling messaged me to say how he was currently at hers and how I'm a sap. Was quite awkward, seeing as he was sat next too me on the couch when she was sending the messages.

She could very well be scorned. Has he got any tattoos that a normal person wouldn't know about? Birth marks? Freckles ? Scars ?

Not really a strong response in my view, she knew he was out she was at the same place. He's been ignoring her messages on SM. Think somebody's ego got hurt so she is lashing out.

She knew from pictures he was with you and had a baby, sleeps with him anyway and texts you on her way home???
You still need to see what his reaction is when he comes in like Jonesy said - very carefully. Hugs X

Good luck OP. You seem to be handling this calmly. I agree get all the facts you can before confronting him

No to his house Luna we don't live together, we are supposed to be doing so at the end of the month!!

If he's slept with someone else, it's over 100% herewego

When is your other half due home ? Can you tell if he's telling the truth ?

It doesn't look good op. Sorry. She's now sounding plausible.

If it's his house ask her too describe the house then. This wouldn't work if she has been there before with friends.

Ask her to describe his bedroom and bedding.

Pop over there now to confront him before he's got his story straight. Check to see if there is any evidence.

Ask her to describe the inside of his home. If she wasn't there how else would she know

If you don't have evidence you will always have doubts. I wouldn't like to be snooped on either but if that's what you need to do to find out the truth then so be it.
Sorry you're going through this
Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you she has got to you.

Shit, that doesn't sound good does it? Sorry OP.

I don't think I'd bother with the checking FB/IG etc. It doesn't sound premeditated to me so not sure if would give you any evidence. It may give you some sort of false reassurance though, which isn't terribly helpful right now.

I think she's telling the truth BTW, although she isn't sorry. She's pissed that he slept with her then asked her to leave so is 'getting back' at him by messaging you.