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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Slept with someone last night and regret it

254 replies

Emma98 · 18/03/2017 06:56

I'm single and 13 weeks pregnant I work in a pub and have been chatting to one of the regulars for a few weeks. Anyway to cut a long story short after work last night he came back to mine and we ended up sleeping together. When I've woken up this morning he has gone. I text him and haven't had a reply yet. So I'm guessing he was just after one thing and now he has had it he's not interested.

Now I just think I'm stupid for thinking it was anything more serious and totally regret it

OP posts:
samanthajayne17 · 18/03/2017 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissJC · 18/03/2017 12:39

She didn't lie about being pregnant. She chose not to disclose something personal about herself which to be fair is a bloody good job considering he has done a moonlight flit! Then she would be sat worrying about him spreading it round her workplace.

All of you self righteous buggers need to lay off, its not 1931 ffs. Everyone complains about women being treated equally and sexism on here and suddenly she is being treated like a slapper and this guy is holier than thou just because she didn't tell him she was preggo?

Not everyone's fanjo is dried up like a moth eaten hole and it's not for us to tell her how to live her life. You live and learn plus she is only young, leave her be.

samanthajayne17 · 18/03/2017 12:45

MissJC

The problem is she is expecting too much. Do you really think a man she met in a pub wants to be tied up bringing up another mans child? I don't think it's fair to expect that of a man after a quick shag one night

MrsSchadenfreude · 18/03/2017 12:52

Have we gone back to the 1950s? I've never seen such a load of sanctimonious twaddle. I shagged my DH after a party - we had known each other through work, like the OP. We've now been married for 24 years (clearly I was a child bride Grin).

MissJC · 18/03/2017 12:52

No I get that totally, but she is 19, pregnant, single and probably feeling vulnerable.

When I was 3 months pregnant I ran over a pigeon in my car, I came home and cried for 2 hours over a pigeon. I shit you not.

She is probs feeling a tad bit used right now, with self esteem wobbling a little bit. I think we should try and cheer the girl up a bit and to chalk it up to a mistake, not make her feel like shit even more.

SookiesSocks · 18/03/2017 14:08

I think all the OP expected was courtesy.

A thanks for a great night but I dont think it will happen again would have done.

She feels used as ge didnt even bither with a goodbye.

Regardless of it being a ons nobody likes to feel used.

HarmlessChap · 18/03/2017 14:57

Courtesy is good, I was always taught that if you've been a guest in someone's home, before you leave, you should say
Thank you for having me Grin

Going to bed with someone before you've dated them would suggest a ONS. Maybe something will come of it maybe not but I don't think you can judge where this is going from a lack of response to an early morning text.

LynetteScavo · 18/03/2017 16:04

Has anyone ever had a note left by a ons that didn't want to see them again?

SookiesSocks · 18/03/2017 16:05

Text message once. Does that count?

Deadsouls · 18/03/2017 18:25

I guess ideally it would be nice for a ONS to have courtesy. It's one of those situations which has the potential for awkwardness and embarrassment. I think maybe sometimes people just want to avoid facing up to it. This is just generally not specific to this situation

Original poster
Emma98 · 19/03/2017 17:26

Just an update because I know some of you were interested. Still not heard anything and he wasn't in the pub when I was at work last night.

I don't want to reopen the whole conversation but just wanted to let the people who asked know.

OP posts:
merville · 19/03/2017 17:33

Emma - with no judgement whatsoever (I hate double standards) - if you want a relationship, I would hold off on having sex.
While there are exceptions, in my experience, it's best to build up a relationship with someone before dtd, lots of time spent together, lots of dates ... the best relationships in my life have been with guys I didn't have sex with for months (had sexual contact but not intercourse).
If you don't make crystal clear, both by word and deed, that you want a relationship and are not up for casual sex' many guys will very happily assume that you're up for it.
Take it easy, take it slow.
Best of luck with your pregnancy and for future.

Original poster
Emma98 · 19/03/2017 17:34

Thanks Merville x

OP posts:
Whattodo23 · 19/03/2017 17:53

You need to stop sleeping with random men you barely know and focus on your baby. Surely you won't be bringing strange men home when you have the baby? If you are 19 you need to grow up fast and put your child first.

samanthajayne17 · 19/03/2017 17:56

Whattodo23

My thoughts exactly

SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 18:18

The OP asked for no judgement......second post full of it Hmm

What it was 1 guy not a bloody football team.
The OP misjudged the situation. They have known each other and chatted for a while. Its not like she didnt know his first name!

Whattodo23 · 19/03/2017 18:34

Sookie she will be a parent soon she can't "misjudge" situations of this nature and put herself or her child at risk.

SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 18:38

Oh so having a child means you never have sex again Hmm

Sorry didnt realise when you become a parent you are perfect and never make mistakes EVER.

Just as well the OP fucked up now before her baby is born then. Confused

samanthajayne17 · 19/03/2017 18:41

Sookiessocks it's just concerning for a woman to have sex with a stranger whilst pregnant. There are lots of risks. And i think all the pp is trying to say is she can't make these same risks when baby is born

Whattodo23 · 19/03/2017 18:42

Yeah I really said she should never have sex and is never allowed to make mistakes. Please don't deliberately misunderstand what I am saying.

SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 18:46

Like what Sam ?
As long as she used protection what risks are there to sex while pregnant?

This man was not a stranger. She knows him through work the sdme way lots of people meet other people. Why is it so bad for the OP?

Whattodo23 · 19/03/2017 18:49

Because she doesn't know him through work! They have spoke a few times and that is it by her own admission. So say the condom split? She got an sti? Is that an okay risk for her to take?

samanthajayne17 · 19/03/2017 18:54

Exactly whattodo23

Also what if this is a violent man? Possessive? And she's pregnant and vulnerable.

SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 18:55

She knows him through work. Shes a barmaid he drinks in that bar. How does she not know him?

Would it sit better for you of she knew him through meeting at the coffee machine one a day in the office?
Is it just the fact she works in a bar that bothers you?

As for the condom spitting.....she could date the guy for 5 months and that could still happen. Knowing somebody for 5 minutes or 5 months wont stop you getting and sti if they have it Hmm

As for them affecting the baby very few sti do and most are cleared up with a shoft course of antibiotics with mo risk to the baby.

SookiesSocks · 19/03/2017 18:58

Also what if this is a violent man? Possessive? And she's pregnant and vulnerable.

Erm isnt every women vulnerable when it comes to violent and possesive men? Or are only pregnant women in need of protection?

What a stupid statement. Confused