Slept with someone last night and regret it

[Emma98]

I'm single and 13 weeks pregnant I work in a pub and have been chatting to one of the regulars for a few weeks. Anyway to cut a long story short after work last night he came back to mine and we ended up sleeping together. When I've woken up this morning he has gone. I text him and haven't had a reply yet. So I'm guessing he was just after one thing and now he has had it he's not interested.

Now I just think I'm stupid for thinking it was anything more serious and totally regret it

Have a lovely day OP - wrap yourself up in kindness. It doesn't matter - it will all come out in the wash.

Ignore any criticism of you or arguments between posters here. You owe no one anything but yourself and your baby great kindness and care.

itoo Anne said: If I was a bloke, looking for "something more" and I slept with a woman who hadn't told me she was 3 months pregnant (with someone else's child) I'd think she was all kinds of a bastard. And I'd run like fuck and not contact her again. It's a bit duplicitous.

I don't want to derail the thread, I just thought that was unfair.

I don't think I would be any good at ONS.

People don't write notes these days do they? No, doesn't seem like they do. Little bit of common courtesy wouldn't go amiss honestly.

I will bugger off now!
Good luck OP

Kitten. That was directly after, and as a follow up, to the bloke being called a bastard. I typed slowly the thread had moved on and I have already apologised.

This is the relevant part, cut and pasted.

Add message | Report | Message poster DevelopingDetritus Sat 18-Mar-17 07:51:50
Bastard.
Add message | Report | Message poster Annesmyth123 Sat 18-Mar-17 07:52:52
Why is he a bastard?

I then posted too soon, so wrote the rest of the post. And by the time I had posted it there were 3 or 4 posts intervening.

I have already apologised for that.

No, doesn't seem like they do. Little bit of common courtesy wouldn't go amiss honestly.

I am wondering what this note would say. 'Thanks for the shag'?

It was not a date, it was not after a few dates, it was a one night stand. It is also not even 10am. Calling someone a bastard for leaving a ONS in the middle of the night, yes it may suck for some but it is what it is. It is not as if he has declared any future intentions, and even if he had - the OP is pregnant so where is it likely to go anyway?

It sounds incredibly rude to just get up and leave in the night after a ONS. Especially when you know you'l be seeing the person in a public setting soon after.

And why are some of you thinking he had any right to know about Ops pregnancy? He's not the DF, she's only told close people so far. And it's her body. Seriously, what has it got to do with him?

anne I appreciate you've apologised for that, I wasn't directing that post at you but at itoo who had posted at me saying there was nowhere on the thread that you'd used that terminology.

I've already been accused of derailing the thread so I won't bang on but I appreciate you said sorry about that and this has probably all got a bit bloody heated and silly for a Saturday morning!

waves white flag in general MN direction

Sorry but am I the only person who thinks it a bit much to be expecting anything from one night stands? Personally (and I know people will think I'm old fashioned) but you've just got yourself pregnant by someone you obviously aren't actually in a relationship with and now except some other man to show commitment. The child is a commodity, which is sad. Children should be born out of loving relationships. You might feel better about yourself if you developed a relationship before having sex.

And why are some of you thinking he had any right to know about Ops pregnancy? He's not the DF, she's only told close people so far. And it's her body. Seriously, what has it got to do with him?

Because the OP, by her own admission, hoped for something more from him?

To early to know how he may feel. He may have had something on this morning even if it is not to do with working. Who knows, he may be happy or may have felt it was a ons. However by not telling him your pregnant makes it look more casual on your part tbh. I feel he had the right to know prior to sleeping with you so he had a choice. If he doesn't like the situation it could have prevented either of you been messed around. I would not want to be sleeping with anyone whilst pregnant unless in a serious relationship. Maybe I am old fashioned. Be honest and up front, in todays world people take on children, but you have to be honest else it wont go anywhere and they will feel tricked into something. Not the best start. But goodluck, hope it turns out O.K for you

Why is it rude? Genuine question.

If I'd slept with a bloke and it was a disaster and I'd wakened at silly o'clock going what the fuck have I done and grabbed my stuff and ran - why is that rude? Surely that's the nature of ONS ? That is the risk? There's no obligation?

As far as telling the bloke - if all she wanted was casual sex and a ONS then she had no obligation at all to tell the bloke.

However, she states she wanted more, she wanted it to be more (I took that to mean relationship) and so I think it was wrong not to have a convo along the lines of "I like you and I'd like to date you but here's the thing. I'm pregnant"

I think that would have been given the bloke the right to make an informed choice at an early stage whether or not he was up for that. But then, I say that as someone who didn't ever date a man with younger children than mine because I didn't want to bring up another set of kids. So I may be out of step on that

What I will say. And I mean this in the kindest possible way.

Op. You are 3 months pregnant. The father of that child isn't around. So clearly, that wasn't a good or stable relationship. And now you're picking up another bloke and having sex. I really think you could do with some time on your own to get yourself and your baby in a settled space.

Rude to leave after a one night stand? I can't think of anything worse than waking up in the morning with some random bloke in my bed reeking of alcohol and then having to make small talk and a cup of tea. Would they want a shower and breakfast? (No chance)

The last time someone stayed at my place he slept on the settee, no shag thank god, he drank so much he still couldn't move the next morning and I needed him gone as I had to pick up my dc. I made him a coffee and he tried to go back to sleep. I eventually got rid of him and never saw him again!

Would have been far better if he had left in the night, note or no note.

OP it sounds like you are quite young and naive from your posts (in another post you said you are 19.) now you're pregnant you really need to be looking after yourself and setting up a home for you and your baby. I don't think now is the time to try to start a relationship or being having ONS. you'll be a mum in 6 months- you need to concentrate on getting ready for that.

I am wondering what this note would say. 'Thanks for the shag'? How about "Great night, see you in the pub on Monday". It's not Rocket Science.

Developing so it would be ok if it said "crap night don't want to see you again"?

I'd be livid if a ONS woke me in the middle of the night to thank me and announce they were leaving.

Why is ok to text at silly o' clock in the morning and have had enough time since that to take offence before 6:55am when they've not received a reply to it and have already written and posted thread moaning about it

Even if I got a text before it is good manners to send one, I wouldn't receive notice of it if they weren't on my favourites because of my sleep settings.

The whole situation is ridiculous, as are many of the replies on here, and I think he's best off ensuring this stays as just a ONS.

Did YOU want something more than a one-night stand?

You haven't made this clear.

If you do want a relationship with someone, it'd probably be a good idea to tell them that you're pregnant first.

Aww don't beat yourself up about it

I used to be a right harlot back in the day (I am now 26 with a 3 week old baby so have aged overnight) and I remember the feeling of shame the day after ye olde uno night stand too!

If it makes you feel any better about your predicament here is a sorry tale of mine to cheer you up.

I went home with a guy who looked like Vin Diesel (had massive Vin crush at the time lol), usual scenario, met guy in club, got totally pissed and went back to his like the classy bird I am. Anyway, DTD and it was shite like most one nighters.
Next morning (early, like 6am early) I wake up in horror wondering why the hell I am in stinky man bed and want to just, well die. I fling my clothes on (last nights outfit) and wake up Vin (looks less like Vin in the morning) and tell him to let me out. As we are creeping across the landing, his entire family proceed to congregate at the banisters in pyjamas and dressing gowns (mum, dad, Dsis, Dbro, cat, dog, fucking hamster) and ask "who are you? Where is Carla? Are you cheating on Carla?"
I leg it the fuck out of that house, cheeky twat didn't tell me he had a GF!! And his entire family saw me and must have assumed I knew like some....Scarlett woman!!

To top it all off I look in my bag to find my funds are drastically depleted and have to phone my mum to come and rescue me, highlighting the fact I hadn't stayed at my cousins house after all.

Don't worry OP, just put it down to experience and move on. Also get STI screened to be on safe side, for your little bambino.

Chin up xxxx

If you start seeing someone while pregnant, you should not be surprised if they call it off once they find out.

Developing so it would be ok if it said "crap night don't want to see you again"? If it was that crap, why didn't he just leave as soon as he thought it was shit or at least before they fell asleep. No balls that's why. I bet this guy turns up back at the pub the next time he needs a drink. Idiot I tells ya. I'll eat my hat though if OP gets a nice text when he's awoken. Doubt it though.

Why are you sleeping around when pregnant? You need to be looking after yourself and your baby.

I'll eat my hat though if OP gets a nice text when he's awoken. Doubt it though

If he's sensible he will be trying to keep this as a ONS. No way it's sensible to want to pursue anything with anyone who lacks the common sense to think it ok to text at they time and be subsequently offended and a non-response. Red flags aplenty.

Maybe he did leave as soon as he realised? Sobered up a bit and thought oh fuck?

If she gets a nice text when he wakes, and he's hoping for more I guarantee he will feel betrayed and lied to when she tells him she's already pregnant and I'll almost put my life on it going nowhere.