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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Slept with someone last night and regret it

254 replies

Emma98 · 18/03/2017 06:56

I'm single and 13 weeks pregnant I work in a pub and have been chatting to one of the regulars for a few weeks. Anyway to cut a long story short after work last night he came back to mine and we ended up sleeping together. When I've woken up this morning he has gone. I text him and haven't had a reply yet. So I'm guessing he was just after one thing and now he has had it he's not interested.

Now I just think I'm stupid for thinking it was anything more serious and totally regret it

OP posts:

SleepingTiger · 18/03/2017 08:40

Yeah you come across a bit cold and righteous Anne.

Annesmyth123 · 18/03/2017 08:41

Well clearly some people think so since I was the one jumping out of bed, rushing straight home and not answering texts early doors!

Renaissance2017 · 18/03/2017 08:42

When you've stuck your dick in someone you owe her a conversation, thank you and a farewell.

Really? He stuck his dick in her? You might just lay there thinking of England but they had consensual sex where both were probably equal participants. He owes her nothing and she owes him nothing. It was casual, no strings attached sex. Should she thank him? Hell if we want to go down that route, maybe the OP could be seen to be rude for falling asleep.

If the OP wants more, she should of said so at the outset.

Original poster

Emma98 · 18/03/2017 08:43

OK Anne that's understood but I haven't slagged him off on here

And ok I accept I probably should of told him I'm pregnant but as I said I haven't told many people yet and didn't want it coming out at work before I told people myself

OP posts:

Littlelondoner · 18/03/2017 08:45

What gave you the impression it could be more serious?

If you took him back to yours with not so much as a date first he more than likely thinks you are only after one thing. Nothing wrong with that we all have needs.

But with out defining the score first....well no ones a mind reader.

You are so vunerable atm your emotions and hormones play havic. So bare that in mind too in your reaction.

Perhaps you over played the whole going to be more thing and scared him or he wants time to go off and reaccess things.

I mean it has only been one night.

Topuptheglass · 18/03/2017 08:46

Emma, do you know if he's married? Or perhaps he had to work today?

Is the dad of your baby on the scene?

Original poster

Emma98 · 18/03/2017 08:46

I thought it was more serious because we'd been chatting regularly for a few weeks it's not like I met him last night and invited him back

OP posts:

Original poster

Emma98 · 18/03/2017 08:47

Topup I don't think he is married and from he said about what he does for work I don't think he'd be working on a Saturday

And no the dad isn't involved

OP posts:

ChuckDaffodils · 18/03/2017 08:51

When you've stuck your dick in someone you owe her a conversation, a thank you and a farewell.

Not that I have had any for many a year, but if a ONS wakes up early, I would neither want them hanging around badgering for some breakfast or fucking about with my stationary just to find a pen and a bit of paper.

didn't want it coming out at work before I told people myself

I don't know about you but I tend to not shag people at work, especially if I don't want personal stuff shared around the workplace.

Original poster

Emma98 · 18/03/2017 08:52

Chuck it's one of the few places I get a chance to meet people

OP posts:

SuperBeagle · 18/03/2017 08:54

There's something not quite kosher about sleeping with a man, hoping things will progress into something more serious, but keeping your pregnancy to someone else hidden. It's a fairly significant thing, and a dealbreaker for most some people. I don't know how you thought this would play out anyway.

Annesmyth123 · 18/03/2017 08:55

You're a barmaid. It's your job to talk to people. He may not have seen it as any more than that. Chatting to a barmaid. It's not as if you went on a few dates?

And it's early still. I have had many a Saturday where I didn't surface til noon.

ittooshallpass · 18/03/2017 08:58

I think annesmyth123 has it spot on.
Tea and notes from a ons?! No. Just no.

Sweets101 · 18/03/2017 08:58

Why didn't you tell him you were pregnant? It's hardly going to something you can keep a secret.
If you weren't prepared to tell him personally i don't think you should have slept with him, and i don't know how you could see it being something more than a ons without telling him you are pregnant.

Original poster

Emma98 · 18/03/2017 08:59

Sweets I don't know I'm not trying to claim I'm perfect and yes I probably should of told him but I can't change that now

OP posts:

Annesmyth123 · 18/03/2017 09:01

Emma to answer that quote frankly odd pm you just sent me.

No I haven't had a few one nighters. As I have explained here I was dating my then boyfriend. And I used to rush home if I stayed at his because I didn't sleep well there.

Can I suggest if you didn't want to have one night stands when pregnant, as you said in the pm, that you didn't take blokes back to yours and shag them without making them aware that you were already pregnant with someone else's child.

Annesmyth123 · 18/03/2017 09:01

*quite frankly odd

SookiesSocks · 18/03/2017 09:01

Sweets why should the OP told him?

monkeyfacegrace · 18/03/2017 09:02

I don't understand how you can possibly think it was more serious, when you haven't told him you are pregnant. It's a fundamental part of your life.

It's a complete game changer. It's not a small issue that can just crop up some time later. It's really not!

How do you know he isn't falling for you and is going to be left hurt once he finds out youre pregnant?

No issue with having sex/being pregnant/dating BTW, I've been there and done that. But I think chatting for weeks and getting to the point of having sex without telling him is absolutely wrong.

SookiesSocks · 18/03/2017 09:03

Why not answer her by PM Anne?
Why put your answer on the thread?
Bit of a dick move

Kittencatkins123 · 18/03/2017 09:05

So someone has a go at the man (who is not on this thread) and you have a go at the OP annesmyth - that's really productive and helpful . It must be great being you, so perfect and entirely entitled to judge people and call them bastards on their own thread when they are asking for help, and obviously feeling a bit vulnerable.

OP - as others have said, try to focus on the positives (e.g. If you had a pleasurable time) and chalk it up to experience, worst case these things happen, sometimes guys are only after one thing, and if that upsets you, just give casual sex a bit of a swerve for a bit. You're pregnant and probably hormonal and maybe this isn't a great time for the slightly brutal world of dating.

Annesmyth123 · 18/03/2017 09:05

Because the tone of the pm made me uncomfortable. Like she was fishing for stories of one night stands.

Renaissance2017 · 18/03/2017 09:06

I think what's done is done. Actually think that apart from feeling a little dejected now, no harm has been done.

Should you of told him you were pregnant? Possibly, but I get the impression that neither think this will lead to a lasting relationship. I do think that maybe you should tell him at some point that you are pregnant and that's it's definitely not his. It would be cruel to let him worry like that.

I also think you need to be clear what you want from him now. A further sexual relationship, a deeper relationship or nothing at all other than barmaid\customer reletionship, and to communicate that with him.

Sweets101 · 18/03/2017 09:06

I'm not trying to be unkind Emma I've been single and pregnant it's tough. It's also a whole different kettle of fish to being single and not pregnant. You might find you are more emotionally vulnerable. And if you hope to persue a relationship with someone new whilst pregnant it would be a good idea to tell them you are pregnant before sex, for both your sakes Good luck by the way (And just so's you know, being a single parent is lovely in lots of ways!)

SookiesSocks · 18/03/2017 09:08

Then report it to MNHQ or mmmm I dont know ignore it.

The OP feels like crap. She had a ons many people have done the same. Why make her feel shittier?

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