Caught DH in a lie...

[NoMoreMarbles]

Ok... background first... DH and I have been married for 10 years and together for 13, 1 11yo DD...DH has a history of lying to "get out of trouble"

It would be a divorce for me.

The thing is when you forgave him last time you gave him the green light to do it again. .
Don't be a fool again. .

So this is the second time he has done this to you?

What do you want advice about exactly? You caight him twice and he is lying to cover his tracks and now he's been caught out he is crying and apologetic.

What do you want from the relationship, because if its him to remain loyal amd faithful then you don't have it now. And personally, I doubt you ever can trust him.

Sorry but I wouldn't give any more chances 😣

I suspect he's been cheating throughout the whole relationship with various women and it probably has been physical he just sounds like a liar and is saying what he think is the minimum he needs to say to get away with it. I wouldn't stay with someone like that

A nasty cheat. The emotional affair is as horrendous to deal with as the physical.

He probably did all the weeping and wailing before didn't he?
Nah fuck him, he clearly will continue to do this for your entire life together, get him gone!

Once a liar, OP.

You know what you need to do.

Kick him out. Nothing worse that a bloody compulsive liar.

I just feel so angry and really gutted that he has done this to us

I'm not sure what I am trying to gain with my post but it's cathartic to get it all out iyswim

Thanks for the replies so far.

I always said cheating was a deal breaker but I moved on from the first time and didn't see this coming til I did iyswim... I don't know what to think or feel... I'm mood swinging like mad

Well you can't trust him can you? Even if he never did it again you'd never be able to relax. Apart from the gaslighting the last time when YOU apologised!! What an arse. I would leave him, fuck the crying and telling you he loves you. He's only crying because he's been caught not because he's remorseful! LTB. He's taking the piss out of you and will continue given half a chance. You've let it go once... you shouldn't do it again.

Will you ever be able to really trust him again, op?

So he wants a third chance?

I'd divorce him. He's a compulsive liar and a cheat

Agree with Secretlifeofbees
He will lie & lie & lie. You should think about how this will impact your life.
Get out. Life's too short.

How can he beg for a second chance when he's already had a second chance? He sounds like a sleazy creep.

You gave him a chance before and he has done it again. The trust has gone so it would be over if it were me.
You don't know what else he has lied about. Perhaps it's physical, perhaps there have been others. Even if he shows you his phone, you would never know for sure what he has done or will do if you stay with him. He doesn't respect you. What a bastard.

My honest opinion is that a marriage can get over infidelity once, but not more than that.
A person can cheat, see all the pain and devastation they have caused, be truly remorseful and with a lot of work on their part it is possible to rebuild trust.

But having done it once and having seen what it did to you, to do it again is utterly unforgiveable. To lie to your face and gaslight is horrific. He knows what he is doing and he doesn't care. His tears are for himself - if he loved and respected you he could never have done this again.

I'm sorry OP. It truly sucks, but imo you have no option but to ltb.

Well it's your call.

Once is possibly a bad mistake and recoverable, but more than once I'd say it's habitual. Sorry.

I would at least tell him he needs to leave and give you space to think all this over. It isn't at all reasonable to lie to you over a period of several months, and then expect you to immediately agree to a 'second (third?) chance'. He needs to back right off, leave and allow you to reflect. This isn't something you can get over in a day, if at all.

This is his MO isn't it - it's who he is.
Your life consists of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Hold your head up high and kick him and his phone out.

So sorry for you OP. It's so easy for others to say LTB. You know that's what you need to do though if you want any peace of mind for the rest of your life. You've tried your hardest. The fault lies with him, he's a weak fool and you deserve better.

He was sat next to you while texting another woman? that's fucking horrendous. Not to mention lying about it.

Find someone who deserves your time. Or spend some time on your own. Anything has to be better than this arsehole treating you like that.

His cheating, if you forgive him, will only chip away at your self confidence and mental health. You can't trust him.

So sorry op, you've only been married ten years and he's done this twice, well admitted to twice and unlikely not to be physical esp as he won't let you see his phone.
I would give him an ultimatum, show me the phone & tell me the whole truth or fuck off.

He has had at least two emotional affairs and he gaslights you.

His behaviour is compulsive - sending texts to her while sitting next to you? He gets off on the deception. He was probably thrilled when you cried - you felt bad and he got away with it. Remember that when he's crying in front of you.

And remember that once you've forgiven him and he's comfortable again, he'll likely start looking for the next bit of excitement. You know what you should do.