Hi OP, I've been going through exactly what you are (four months down the road for me!). I threw my H out for a week and smashed up hid phone (wrong I know but at least it wasn't him 🙊).
He said it was the biggest realisation of his life. He self reflected and knew that he could lose his family from what he had done.
Is your H still at home? Still staying in the bed? (I know you slept on the sofa the first night- I hope that's not the case still?).
I get that you didn't want to protect him this time- by telling the immediate family etc (I did that too and it's helped no end with them appreciating that we haven't been our usual selves over Xmas etc) but what more have you put in place to show him that he may have lost you and his security/ family over his selfish ego stroking actions?
What about the fact that he still works with her?? They've been talking for a few months and I'm sorry but by adding ten plus kisses on a text only shows someone that you like them A LOT!
It sounds like you will forgive him, but you're telling him you need time to decide etc.. please make him feel how you are otherwise I fear that you will be in this situation in another few years...
I still haven't put my wedding ring back on. He knows I'm absolutely serious. I've never seen such a change in him in all my life.
Big hugs to you as I know how lonely these first few days and weeks feel. You may want him for a hug but just remind yourself what he sent to her. Keep him at arms length for now as he needs to know you are NOT a doormat!