To feel this way about my oh?

[Kmoggy]

I'm really struggling to like my partner just now.. i haven't been happy in our relationship for about a year, had another baby 6 months ago so I'm sure that's contributed. He's not a bad guy at all.. he loves our children so much. Trouble is he has no ambition, no drive to do better for us as a family. I know he's been brought up to accept that just by having a job and being around is enough but it really isn't in my book. He is financially dependant on me.. I bring in most of the money. Granted I get private money gifted from my family each month but still that money was never to pay bills with, it was to treat myself with etc. Now we have children I just keep thinking how I could use that money for them and their futures but instead it's paying our monthly bills.
I'm going bk to work soon and will be working part time, looking after 3 under 2,s and hopefully starting some study plus running every aspect of this household. I don't have time to take on extra work. He does tho, he works 6/3 and has weekends off.. I have tried to suggest he advertises as a handy man or looks into some courses etc as he's so good with diy. But he won't and just tells me he doesn't enjoy it... he works for my uncle and brings in £20000 a year which is nothing when I think of the cost of 3 kids when they are a bit older. I just want him to want to provide for us and not happy to sit back and take from my family.
He could help more around the house too which really upsets me as today for instance I was up 3x feeding throughout the night.. I was so tired at 7am and asked him if I could get an extra hr, he said go get boys breakfast first and I'll come down when you did that.. he did come down but went bk to bed, it's 12.30 and I've just sat down. I've been cooking, cleaning etc since I got up and now he's sitting on his again. He never offers to help me or says I'll do that you sit down. He rarely cleans to standard I need and I honestly just feel so much hatred and resentment towards him just now.. don't know if we will get through this. He thinks everything is fine and has no idea I keep thinking about what would happen if we split up. I can't communicate to him ever coz he never talks back just sits quiet and never ever offers a solution to the problems in our relationship! I just feel we are 2 different. I want the very best for my kids, I'm not prepared to settle for bare minimum and he is! Although he seems to think spending money is ok on things we can't afford etc.. he wants all the nice things but he isn't pulling the money in to have them. Any advice welcome.. but I just need to get this off my chest as I have no one I can talk to about this and I don't know if there is any going be from here.

Well then Razzle the OP can work full time then if his salary isn't good enough or accept that she needs to contribute her 'treat money'. He already works 45 hours a week.

We have 3dc dh earns 22,000 we are certainly not hard up as some family's are!

So everyone should be 'ambitious' (apart from the OP, of course)?

It's his lack of ambition that is the issue for the OP.

Not everyoneone is 'ambitious' for starters.

Prehaps OP could go full time if she wants a certain lifestyle rather than doing a useless degree?

Where does it say he works 45 hours per week?

She can always work full-time and he can go part-time/SAH if 20k isn't good enough.

Thousands of people earn less than that full-time and manage. If OP wants more, she can go out and earn it.

The op only works 2 days less but does nightfeeds, the childcare and the housework

Errrrr no the OP isn't currently working but is hoping to go back soon!

OP says he works 6 to 3 with weekends off. So that would suggest 45 hours.

Surely this is a wind up?

OP, original princess ,how is he financially dependent on you? He works full time and you get an allowance (for an adult ffs!!) from your family. You are the one who is financially dependent on others!

As much as I'd like to laugh at your bizarre issues and princess standards or everything to suit you, I can't help thinking that, given your family give you monthly money to treat yourself, you have been raised to be a childish, spoiled brat.

It's time to grow up.

If working 6-3 means he leaves the house at 6 and gets home at 3, then that is part-time ish really.
On the other hand, how many parents are both home mid afternoon? Either of them could get an evening job, while the other is with the DC.

How is being out of the house nine hours a day working part-time?

Not everyone has the desire to work 60+ hours a week!

If working 6-3 means he leaves the house at 6 and gets home at 3, then that is part-time ish really

On what planet is that part time hours?!

Maybe he doesn't have a commute.

I do have sympathy for the OP. If DP won't change/show more ambition, you need to consider if you want to be with him long term. Your resentment will grow.

I think the op isn't getting the responses she expected, but op - your op didn't show yourself in a positive light.
Could you have written:
'I'm knackered. I'm looking after 3 under 2s (so you must have 1 yr old twins plus a 6 month old?) plus doing everything in the house plus all night feeds. Aibu to expect so to help out when he gets home at 3pm?'

Erm isn't the OP on maternity leave? People are making it seem as if she's just not working. OP YANBU. She works 3 days, provides childcare and end the house. I'm willing to bet she's 'working' more than he is (employed and contribution to the home). If he's going to be lazy at home, then he can work extra hours so they both contribute equally.
OP how much do you earn? Because maybe that PLUS the income from her family means her partner is dependant on her? It doesn't tmatter if she's getting money from her family. The point is she has that addiiinal income.

I also don't think now is a good time to start studying.

And ffs the money was to treat herself BEFORE children (she chose to contribute to bills). Now they have kids, she wants to spend that money on THEIR kids. No problem with that because that is what the money (frkm her family) is intended for.

Can I ask , how old are you OP?

Ok ok I think your all taking this the wrong way so let me clear a few things up. My part time wage is still the same as his full time wage. When we got together he was a different guy and had plans for the future plans which have never come to light!
I'm most defo not doing a poem degree 😂 That's was an autocorrect fail. Open learning degree..
I don't think I need to lower my standards for cleaning, I am not prepared to live in a pig sty and I have 3 young kids, the floor needs hoovered daily and mopped! Sorry if you disagree but I'm not having my children crawlingvabout in dirt!
The money I get from family isn't a lot but it would be nice to be able to use it for our kids to take them places and pay for things like swimming etc! Again if you don't agree with that fine but it's what I want to provide for my children!
I would let him go part time but I couldn't trust him to run the house the way it runs. I'd also expect him to take on some study if he was part time which he won't!
Sorry but your all jumping on me for being spoiled when I'm far from that.. I just want my partner to be on the same page as me when it comes to the future. I'm sorry if your are all supermums who can do it all but I'm finding it difficult to budget, run all our finances, take care of everything from renewing his passport to dealing with the mortgage renewals and look after 3 babies. So yes I do need him to take a bit of responsibility off me and strive to be able to give our kids the best future we can.

OP you sound like a whiny princess...

Your OP works full time. He isn't taking from your family - he is working for them, and getting paid for his work.

£20,000 a year isn't a professional salary, obviously, but neither is it living on the bread line either. I would have suggested perhaps not having 3 children, if you wanted to live a more affluent lifestyle

You seem very possessive about what constitutes your money, as opposed to his money. Have you ever heard of the concept of Family Money by any chance...? Though, of course your money, isn't your money is it, really...it's actually just handouts from your family.

As for housework...it sounds like he does do some, but he doesn't do it to your standards? At least, he's prepared to do it. Stop being a martyr, and lower your standards a little bit (and see if he can raise his a little bit).

When I had 2 DDs under the age of 2, I saw 'running the house & taking care of them during the day' as my job. I no more expected DH to come home and start hoovering, than he expected me to march into his offices and start filing...

Occasionally, if I was really snowed under he would lend a hand.

Working 6-3 is not part time. My 'commute' to full time work is a 30 minute walk and I'm out of the house the equivalent of those hours.

I think OP is simplifying her DH's contribution. In a marriage, a contribution is not just financial and your worth should not be measured by your ambition.

Ok, so your combined income from working is £40k and you get extra money from your family. You can't seriously be saying you can't afford to take 3 babies out for the day as go swimming on that income. Seriously?

It also sounds like the DH has been given this job by the OP's uncle and he's happy to just cruise through on that.

Are the OP's family giving her money because they are a bit odd? Or do they feel that they have to give her money because they are aware that her DH particularly laid back / a dosser?

So your part time salary will be the same as his full time salary. That is not him being dependent on you! YOU are being dependent on your family

It is YOUR choice to study rather than working full time. Therefore YOU take responsibility for your decision and your pathetic reliance on your family for your pocket money, and stop blaming him.

YOUR choice. YOUR standards. Don't expect everyone to run around picking up after your little tantrums!

And as for 'I would let him go part time but I would expect him to also study'.... LOL

Please tell us what degree you are doing BTW, and what your fail proof plan is

i presumed the 6/3 was a six days on, then three off shift pattern.

the OP is discontented with her dh having any time off as in these three days he could get another job to keep her in the manner to which she is accustomed

after your update your considerably comfortable so I don't understand your need for your dh to work more! You clearly think he's beneath you.