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Original poster

Should I contact OW

159 replies

Notgoodatall · 09/03/2017 22:26

It's been 3 yrs since my partner had an emotional affair. She ruined my first pregnancy, or rather they both did. Since the fall out my partner and I have worked things out but I still check her Instagram. She is now pregnant and married. I feel like messaging her and saying I hope no one ruins your first pregnancy like you did to me. Her inspirational quotes about being a mum with a baby growing inside make me feel sick

OP posts:
Dontactlikeyouknowme · 09/03/2017 23:26

People who post hurtful comments on someones thread who is clearly still hurting for the lolz.

cunty behaviour.

JayneAusten · 09/03/2017 23:29

Well... regardless, it would be a pretty nasty and awful thing to do to send a threatening communication to a pregnant women.

She didn't cheat on you - he did. She's getting to enjoy her pregnancy because her husband is not out sniffing around another woman. You didn't because your husband was. His fault.

If you still feel upset about that then you haven't worked past things with him, you've just misplaced the blame somehow.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 09/03/2017 23:31

It was a pretty nasty thing for the OW to have an affair with someone's DP knowing his partner was pregnant.

TheElephantofSurprise · 09/03/2017 23:34

You are being ridiculous. He was unfaithful to you, she wasn't.

BlueFolly · 09/03/2017 23:39

If I were her and you contacted me saying something like that I would just feel sorry for you. And yes, I would feel complicit in hurting you, but (especially since I hadn't even fucked him) I would see him as the one who had ruined your pregnancy, not me.

Stop checking her instagram.

Dontactlikeyouknowme · 09/03/2017 23:46

I would just hope that her DP played away while she was pregnant so she knows how it feels.

BlueFolly · 09/03/2017 23:46

Mind you, it would be a stronger woman than me who didn't occasionally check her instagram, and fantasise about sending the kind of e-mails that would have her going to the police Grin.

miniatureegg · 09/03/2017 23:57

You are NOT a nutter. But you are the one drinking the poison. If things with your OH are well thank goodness, you need to find a way to move on. PLEASE ban yourself from her social media, please, this is step no.1. Good luck Flowers

RubyBluesey · 10/03/2017 00:02

Blimey nutter and mental are very harsh words Mosschop but OP needs to try and stop checking on her and leave her behind...
you really should move on properly

OverthinkingSpartacus · 10/03/2017 00:08

OP, it doesn't sound like you've worked things out or moved on if you are still checking her social media three years later. Does your partner know his past actions are still hurting you? It's ok to still be upset but it's something you need to talk to him about and sort it out.

I had a friend in a similar situation, many years after forgiving her dh she still actively saught out info on the OW life and would be upset and hurt if something was going well for OW. It was still affecting my friend years later and she didn't feel she could express her anger and resentment at her dh because they were supposed to be moving on and she didn't want to out him in defensive and cause a row. In her DHs eyes he'd been forgiven and everything was back to normal, the ow and the dh had moved on, but friend was still hurting.

She realised that her and her dh hadn't actually moved on, because it was bothering and hurting her and the stress she felt impacted in her MH which impacted on the marriage.

OverthinkingSpartacus · 10/03/2017 00:13

By sort it out, I meant that his past actions are still having a negative impact on you today and if he knew he'd want to support you and do whatever it takes to truly move on and let go. His past actions are still in the present and she will continue to be a presence in your life if you can't stop checking up on her.

Flowers
MyheartbelongstoG · 10/03/2017 02:01

Wow. Some horrible comments on here.

Of course its the ow fault too.

Would you really say to the ow, don't worry dear not your fault.

Course you fucking wouldn't!

FreeNiki · 10/03/2017 02:08

I saw this on instagram today. It was made for you.

Stop giving this woman headspace and importance she does not deserve.

Should I contact OW
pillowcase6 · 10/03/2017 02:16

*You sound a bit mental OP

Get over yourself ffs*

Feel better after that little bit of bitchiness do you?

I think you sound pretty normal, OP.

Jellybellyqueen · 10/03/2017 03:38

Bloody hell, give it to her with both barrels, then block her so you have the last word. Why should she get to not feel shit about the crappy thing she did?
Yeah, this may make me look unbalanced to some pp, but I totally understand the feelings. It's just going to prey on your mind, so do and get it out of your system. We can't always be 'the better person'.

FreeNiki · 10/03/2017 04:37

3 years later it will only make her look unhinged and alert the OW that the OPs life is far from rosy given that she is still preoccupied by it.

The OW will know the OP has kept tabs on her. Online stalking coupled with an abusive message then Im sure being reported for harrassment is exactly what the OP needs.

There is a dignity in silence that no amount of words can convey.

Just leave it.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 10/03/2017 04:57

I understand why you are angrier with her than with your partner. I would imagine your partner apologized for what he did, has tried to make up for what he did, and is working to show it will never happen again. The OW on the other hand has most likely never apologized or made any attempt to make it up to you. It leaves you wanting some form of closure. I think the only closure you can get is to decide that you will never think about this person again and instead focus on making your own relationship with your DP stronger.

At some point you will get past this. Knowing in the long term that you behaved with restraint and dignity would be a lot better than the short term satisfaction of giving it to her with both barrels. I went through a time when I was treated very badly by several people (although nothing near as bad as what you have been through). I am still angry with them, but I am glad I didn't stoop to their level. They have to live with exposing themselves to quite a few people as spiteful and unpleasant, I got to look polite and reasonable. Inside I was a fuming volcano of rage, but they don't know that.

rainingkitsandpups · 10/03/2017 05:06

It wasn't her Confused she wasn't the one in a relationship with you.

It was your partner

FFS this woman was not your problem as she wasn't the one meant to be staying faithful to you.

PollytheDolly · 10/03/2017 05:09

I understand OP. It's still unresolved for you.

You must stop looking at her profile. Be the better woman that you already are. SmileFlowers

BitOutOfPractice · 10/03/2017 05:14

I can tell you from bitter bitter experience that it won't make you feel any better. In fact, it may well make you feel worse. There is no point.

I can Aldo tell you from bitter experience that you won't properly move on until you block her on all social media.

DenimChicken · 10/03/2017 05:16

It could be construed as a malicious communication which is an offence. Don't bother. Block her so you can't look at her pictures etc.

greenfolder · 10/03/2017 05:21

You havent moved on if you are checking her instagram. Block her move on. She didnt sleep with your husband.

AutumnRose1988 · 10/03/2017 05:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyJanuary · 10/03/2017 05:41

Of course your feelings are understandable.

No doubt your dh has made amends, apologised, explained, shown remorse and done what he can to mend your relationship.

The ow, the person who aided and abetted him, the person who competed with you, the person who merrily shared messages and photos with a man who had a pregnant wife at home and just generally revealed herself to be a bit of a heartless cow has meanwhile continued through life unscathed.

You would have to be a strong person indeed not to occasionally check in on the life of someone who crossed paths with you so devastatingly.

I would send a message. Why not? If it will make you feel better or prove cathartic op then who cares what she thinks? I would hope it'd prick her conscience or unsettle her, but maybe pp are right and she will be amused that you're still hurting. It would be an odd reaction from a normal person, but maybe. It doesn't matter. Get the closure you need and move on.

category12 · 10/03/2017 06:04

Don't send a message, it could get you in trouble legally - and it will make you look like a bunny boiler.

You don't really know what her life is like, people put up what they want others to see on social media. You need to stop stalking her online.

I think you should start to focus on what is going on in your own life and why you are stuck at this point of anger and unhappiness, and perhaps make some changes.