Brave Babes are boinging into Spring..Join us here!

[dementedma]

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

Morning all, I didn't manage very well last night. Drank a bottle but I did stop there so that's better than normal.
Little lithuania ( what me and dh have started calling the upstairs flat with like 6 folk living between 2 bedrooms) were throwing a party, and trying to go to bed wasn't an option cause of the loud sex noises above our room 😩 I just needed to get to sleep, and sober I can't do that as well. Decided I'm going to start knocking on the ceiling to put him off his sex rhythm. Fingers crossed we hear about the house today, either way everything being up in the air isn't good for me

Hope everyone's ok today

Flowery sounds like a flipping nightmare!!! Yep broom handle banging on your ceiling. Also music full volume in your bedroom from 6am - I'm sure they'd love to hear Chris Evan's voice Can you contact the council about the noise levels? from what I can remember it needs reporting regularly and then they come round with a noise measure thingy. Have a good day babe

I really, really don't want to go to the dentist Having a pathetic wobble. And dreading spending the next couple of days miserable but unable to do all the things I do when I'm miserable (smoke, drink etc ). Bloody pointless wisdom teeth. Couldn't find anyone to drive me so can't even take diazepam, though might 'treat myself' to it when I get home.

Sorry, self pitying rant (there's probably more of that to come...)

Morning babes, haven't posted a while but been reading and lurking :) I am now on Day 11 AF, I am on Day 9 of no smoking which is helping with my decision to remain AF for the moment. I know if I drink I will want a cigarette and I don't want to smoke.

Waves to all babes :)

For the record Elba I absolutely hate going to the dentist as well, hope you get on ok x

Hope it's gone well Elba! It's not pathetic, I would be shitting it too. Well done for going and not just running away!

ma, spanna, for you and your daughters.

flowery yes, Thursdays are my problem day (going back a bit in the thread, missed a lot!) Although Tuesday hasn't been great here either turns out the answer to 'is DH being away going to make me want to drink more?' is 'yes'.

I just find toddler parenting so hard. I've got a very low frustration threshold to start with, and toddlers are the most frustrating things. Love her to bits but she does my head in sometimes. It's just so DULL. And repetitive. And unrewarding (apart from the occasional moments of miraculous happiness, which is why we do this to ourselves). And on top of it all I always feel like I should be enjoying it more, shouting less and that everyone else is a natural mum. Of course there's always the spectre of my mother on my shoulder. People say things like 'oh you're a good mum, look at everything you do for her', and I think: Yeah, my mum made lovely food and kept the house clean and taught me to read. She also emotionally abused me, and I don't love her. It's about more than doing the laundry.

Anyway, last night could have been worse. I had 2 sensible sized glasses, poured a third but then chucked it down the sink on impulse. Didn't go over my calorie count. AF today, God knows what Thurs will be like if Tues was an issue. Keeping on keeping on.

Hello all you lovely people! I did quite well in Jan, not AF, but for me a deal breaker. Feb was back to my old tricks for the most part, then I ordered a case of wine. Durr. Durr durr. I thought I'd stop drinking for Lent, but really my heart isn't in it. What has happened? I put most of the case away in a place that in fact it is easier to traipse to the shop instead of retrieve it. I have now had a couple of AF days, which is really barely touching the sides. I really want to get back to the state of mind that not drinking is more normal than drinking. I want to be back in the headspace where I become capable again and don't want to drink in the evening. I don't want to be in a place that I feel as though I am fighting. I am fighting an illusion, not a reality.

tiger I hear you.
I too want to see not drinking as more normal than drinking. And not have the bloody fight "will I won't I?" every day.
No advice. Just, you're not on your own.
for your daughters and for you, ma and spanna

Oh god flora I could have written that. I've got ds 5 & 4 and dd who's newborn. I am so bored and yeah her smiling is amazing and them becoming their own wee selves is great too but I'm so bored.

I'm used to rushing working nearly full time with the two boys so now I feel like I'm back to square one again. I don't enjoy toddler groups but I'm like you I'm really easily frustrated aswell.

Reading this I have zero idea why I thought another baby was a good idea 😂

I don't have a very good relationship with my mum either and realise years on her using me as someone to vent to about my dad and having an affair while we were on holiday really wasn't a good relationship. I've always been old before my time and left to my own devices and feel quite unloved by her. I was so lucky meeting dh but think our separation was due to me not thinking I was good enough.

Sorry started to ramble there but motherhood is frustrating/I get bored easy is the main points

Sorry not name checked, just checking in. Hope everyone is ok great day today and even got to show off in front of telly cameras, plus my glitter tattoo stall for the kids was a big hit. Will be back later

Hi everybody,
Flowerey and Flora yep motherhood, especially to very little ones can be incredibly boring and repetitive and there's no doubt we can lose sight of ourselves - but...hangovers are very boring, feeling bloated, not sleeping well, spending ££ on booze, pretty boring too, I have to say I really regret the years of my daughters life I spent wishing the day away so I could get stuck into the vino and the next day resenting the fact I couldn't stay in bed drinking coffee until I felt better. I'm also very embarrassed by all the times she's seen me half pissed, as a young teenager she wasn't taken in by 'Mummy just feels dizzy/under the weather' any more and knew full well it was 'Mum is drunk - again'

I'm really trying to concentrate on the many positives of not drinking and as and Tiger so rightly said, get my head in a place where not drinking is the norm.

I can say, I never, ever want to feel as I did yesterday, codeine and spirits after a long stretch of minimal alcohol was a very bad idea indeed.

Elba hope the dentist is not too bad, I hate dentists and can't quite believe you have to pay to be tortured in that way.

Sweet hello my lovely, how good to see you, catch up with us when you can.

Big hello to everyone else, wishing everyone strength to kick the witch.

Well I survived- it was nowhere near as bad as I anticipated, and they were all absolutely lovely I cried. Sore now the local has worn off, but not unmanageable. What I am massively struggling with is not being able to smoke though. Thought I'd feel worse and wouldn't want to. But really, really don't want an infection or dry socket so have to do at least 24 hours, preferably more. Fucking wisdom teeth. Can't even have a hot drink.

lux hope your feeling better today. How's the back?

made sounds like a great day!

sweet good to see you back- you've been missed x

I'm bored and need to find something to do with my hands that doesn't involve smoking. Been doing puzzles online but bored of that. Any ideas??

Glad it wasn't as bad as you feared *Elba^ can you draw? read? Enter some competitions online (might win a nice prize) paint your nails, clean your jewellery/make-up brushes. Have a sleep.

My back is very stiff but not too bad thanks, on the mend.

Thanks lux online competitions sounds a good call, will have a look. Would love to sleep but trying to make it through to tonight now. Glad your backs on the mend.

It's stupid- I go much longer without smoking at work. Think it's just the knowing that I can't...

just checking in. knackered and waiting for ds to call to say he is back at school so i can go and pick him up. He's been playing in a concert with the Swing Band for the first time! wish he would hurry up....
At least its meant I cant drink...

Argh, am having a wobbly. Hope no one minds me posting this because it's not about alcohol as such but am debating ordering cocodamol from online ... silly, the effects are the same as alcohol, but for some reason am considering it. Dull, because not only is it daft but pretty sure it's illegal too.

made don't do it! It is daft, dangerous and may well kill you

I'm not going to right now. Have closed the web browser, still want to but telling myself not to, at least not for tonight. Feeling dull now

*Dull for thinking about it, and still thinking about it, I mean

It's pretty risky to pop co-codamol. Especially if you're buying online, because you really don't know what's in it. And apart from the risks with codeine, paracetamol itself is easy to OD on and mighty unpleasant.
But I must admit I do understand the desire.
My Tuesday and Wednesday have been AF and although I've had to exercise some self control to achieve this I am finding it helpful to look at it as freeing myself from the burden of drinking rather than depriving myself. I went to the gym tonight which boosted my mood which also means I have worked off about 300 calories rather than drinking about 900.
Mustn't go to bed too late.
Goodnight Babes.

Order a new book or an aromatherapy oil instead Made

Made please, please don't order drugs from the internet, you have no idea what you will be getting. I do understand the desire to self medicate, I expect we all do.
I know just how ill I felt the other day with my prescribed pills, I don't want you to harm yourself. Will you listen to yer Auntie Lux? they are strong stuff and easy to overdo. I can easily see how they could become addictive (the dry drink) but it's not worth risking your health.

Morning everyone else, is this a hint of spring I can sense in the air? Sun is shining at last!

made, you deserve better than another addiction. Think of it this way: how much do you wish you'd never got started with the booze? You have that choice about the codeine now. You can just put it down and walk away. Look after yourself lovely

flowery I know a lot of women who feel the same way about early years parenting. I think it'll probably get easier when DD is a bit older. I think we all have our ideal age to parent, and our least favourite phase. The 'wanting-the-impossible, zero patience and reasoning, tantruming' toddler phase is not good for me. We're planning to try for a second child in the summer and I am simultaneously excited and filled with dread. This time I know what I'm getting myself into.

Tiger your words really struck a chord. 'Fighting an illusion': yes, yes, exactly

Lux wise words. I don't want my daughter to see me drunk when she's older and can understand.

Elba you did it! Must be such a relief not to have that fear hanging over you.

Well, I feel like death today. Had an awful, awful night's sleep. I always do when I'm on my own in the house. All my habits and cues are gone and my brain just won't shut down. I slept lightly from 11 to 5:30, waking up at every tiny noise, lay awake 5:30-6:30, then fell asleep just in time to be woken up by the alarm. Ugh.

Mulching the garden today, which is a lovely job and will cheer me up. I expect the robin will keep me company.

Commiserations, flora. My sleep has been dreadful lately too. I wish we just had an internal off switch and timer that worked properly! A full uninterrupted 8 hours would be divine. Hopefully tonight will be a better night's rest for us both.

Had a low moment last night after dwelling too much on food and drink all that related stuff- denial and moderation and self-control and so on. It seems to be a pattern of trying to improve and control what I ingest (instead of bingeing horribly) for a few weeks, followed by at least one evening where I'm absolutely bloody furious at everything. Furious at saying no, at having to control everything, at all the effort and time it takes just to reach the bare minimum of what's acceptable. There's just this nasty little voice in the back of my head saying "Isn't this tedious though. Why don't you just do what you want? You only live once. What's the point in making everything boring?"

That voice is a lying little shit though. I can't kill myself with food and drink anymore. I need to take care of myself. I want to be healthy. Can't stand the thought of reaching the end of another year with regret, thinking about all the progress I should have made.

Just had to let that rant out.

Flora that's great though, are you excited for having a potential second? I'll be honest I've found 2 easier than 1 for sure, they're good company for each other but then they're just a year apart.

Made don't trust the internet for drugs they can be cut with anything and that could cost you your life. Have you tried nytol or similar. I have an addictive personality so I'd be much like you but try not to be tempted

Lux I'm like that, the boys see me with my wine a lot and I'm not proud of it. I usually start drinking around dinner time now. I fear I'm normalising it for them but then I've been drinking wine since I was about 5 with my family being French so don't know if that's where it all started.

I've realised I'm surprisingly fussy for being alcohol dependant, I wouldn't drink just any wine, has to be specific kinds and I'm thinking maybe a magners would be better as I stop after 1. I didn't even really want that second bottle last night but I still drank it, it's horrible having zero self control. Plus its the memory loss that's stressing me today. Dh is all chuffed at getting some last night cause I was all over him but I don't remember any of it, that's so sad and horrible to admit

went to bed too late. It's hard adjusting to new sleep pattern without vino.
Thinking of you all.