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[dementedma]

We are a bus load of Babes all battling alcohol and trying to resist, reduce and get our lives back under control. Whatever you have to say, we will have heard it before and no-one will judge you. This is a warm, friendly,supportive place with tough love when needed ( slap round the face with a wet squid called Barrie). Join us here.

gah
had 3 G&Ts. Just, why???
I must say I find it easier when there is just no booze in the house.
I get the cravings but I don't go to the shop.
AF today! Day 3 for this week
happy Thursday all

Hi all, I hope I am not intruding.

I am posting on your thread from the other side, asking for help to put my thoughts and plans in order.

My dad died of alcohol related liver damage before turning 50. You can imagine the life I had watching him die as a teenager and seeing there was nothing we could do about it as he just wouldn't give up drinking.

Now I am in the situation of watching my brother taking the same path and I feel useless. I just don't know what to do.

He started heavy drinking gradually and I realised he had a problem when he started hiding his drink bottles as his wife informed me. It was one of those situations when I was mentioning to him that he should moderate his drinking and he would just agree but not talk about it.

Anyway a month ago his wife left him. I understand why and this is not my reason to ask for advice. However this has validated his reason to drink and he's spent his time drinking and being drunk since then. We managed to pull him out of it so he can go to work twice by literally taking turns to stay with him and watch him to ensure he would drink. He still did but smaller amounts.

He went to the GP (or so he says) who recommended an organisation for alcohol abuse. As far as I am aware he hasn't contacted it. We are now back to him being constantly drunk. He cut contact last weekend saying he doesn't need "babysitting" and didn't go to work this week, his pattern is literally drinking and sleeping.

I am desperate and I don't know what to do. I feel crushed to watch him die just like my dad did. We are a family happy to support, one of our relatives is cooking and bringing him food daily, my DH or I are visiting daily (when he actually wants us there and opens the door) I asked him to move in with us and he doesn't want to. I don't know what to do...

I hope you realise how great you are for conquering your addiction, if you have any thoughts of what I could do for my brother I'd really appreciate it.

Apologies for the long post.

*watched him to ensure he wouldn't drink of course

Thank you everyone, you talk a lot of sense. It was a moment of madness and very silly, can’t believe I actually considered it. At least with prescribed pills you know what’s really in them, anyone can put anything in online I guess and even though it looked a proper website, I don’t think it was really (selling 100 tablets for 70 quid can’t be legit, really). I have tried Nytol and it does help me get off to sleep but doesn’t give that lovely buzzy feeling (that booze and other pills do) but I shouldn’t be taking them for that lovely buzzy feeling. You’re right, I do have the choice of whether to start or not and god knows I wish I’d never started drinking, I’d be a fool to start this as well/instead. Sorry my post is quite selfish, done a lot of thinking/soul searching last night, will name check and be back later.

fleur this sounds awful and I feel for you.
I just feel like you have done/are doing all that you can.
And he has to do it for himself.
Sending support

Fleurdelise welcome, you're absolutely not intruding. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother, it must be so difficult. I come from a long line of drinkers but it was seen as 'fun, party family' and I'm sorry to had to see your dad like it too.

I'm afraid I have no real advice from you but wanted to respond to your post, there may be other Babes here who can offer more.

Have you been in touch with any of the agencies? Al-anon, Ad-Fam etc?
It's very good news that you have a close family unit. I'm not sure if anything really can be done for a person who isn't ready to help themselves just yet.

I wish so much I could say something more helpful, I know there is a support thread in the Alcohol Support section here on MN, maybe have a look there?

Made you made the right decision my lovely, we all know about the 'moment of madness' I'm glad you didn't do it.

Christ, all those typos!

Thank you everyone, you talk a lot of sense. It was a moment of madness and very silly, can’t believe I actually considered it. At least with prescribed pills you know what’s really in them, anyone can put anything in online I guess and even though it looked a proper website, I don’t think it was really (selling 100 tablets for 70 quid can’t be legit, really). I have tried Nytol and it does help me get off to sleep but doesn’t give that lovely buzzy feeling (that booze and other pills do) but I shouldn’t be taking them for that lovely buzzy feeling. You’re right, I do have the choice of whether to start or not and god knows I wish I’d never started drinking, I’d be a fool to start this as well/instead. Sorry my post is quite selfish, done a lot of thinking/soul searching last night, will name check and be back later.

Oh blimming heck! Just typed up a post for Fleur and re posted that instead

Fleur you sound lovely, anyone can tell you really want to help. Like Lux I’m not sure whether anything can be done to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
Speaking from experience, my friends told me for months I was drinking too much, it caused countless arguments, but still I continued until I took a look at myself and decided to moderate. In fact, stubborn mule I am, their protests actually made me resentful (ungrateful bugger I was). It’s great you’re there for him and giving him that support, but (and I don’t mean this horribly at all) maybe it’s too much support? I only really noticed my drinking was an issue when things went wrong – missing lectures meaning substandard work, missed lectures and friends not covering for me meaning a warning off my Head of School, existing off pizza and gaining weight etc. I’m not saying to just leave him to starve or become homeless – but maybe don’t do everything for him – only because speaking from experience, while everything’s going his way he’s unlikely to see a problem.. Perhaps give him a bit of a space? I know you don’t want to just leave him, but maybe if you put a bit of distance in between you he might appreciate what he’s got a bit more. It might also shock him into making a change.

I also wish I could help Fleur but I just can't see anything more you can do. I've told my own dad that I was worried about his drinking - he said he didn't have a problem. I made the decision when I had my daughter that I wasn't going to try and make him change any longer. I just couldn't spare the energy. I wonder if made is right in that the best thing to do might be to allow him to hit bottom. It sounds awful, but it is only him that can change things, and he has to choose that for himself.

Whatever happens, know this is not your fault. What's the AA mantra? You didn't cause it. You can't cure it. You can't control it. I can hear in your post that you are taking responsibility for your brother, and it's completely natural to want to save him, but only he is responsible for him.

Wishing you all luck and strength

Thank you! I feel the same, that there is nothing else I can do but it is really hard to just sit and watch. I believe he did hit rock bottom now and somehow can't pull himself out of it. While we spent daily time with him he accepts he has a problem, says he'll act on it but then the moment he's left alone the bottles are back.

We have our lives also that are completely messed up, I honestly feel like I would like to lock him up somewhere and throw the key away.

Good luck with your addiction fights and I hope you all know how strong you are being able to stay away from it.

Fleur: If he really wants to stop but can't do it alone, you might try accompanying him to an AA meeting. He doesn't have to have stopped drinking to attend (though he's need to be sober at the meeting itself). No-one will make him sign up to anything or swear to come back. Those would be good things to point out if he's unsure. It could be what he needs if he's really lost, wants to change but can't help himself.

I'm not sure if you'd be allowed to go into the meeting yourself. But you'd certainly be able to locate one, take him there and collect him at the end. That's all if he says he wants to go, of course.

AA isn't for everyone, but they do very good work and help a lot of people.

Thank you for your kind words, though I personally am doing a pretty shocking job of keeping away from it at the moment.

Really trying here.. 4 days
Chocolate is the enemy as given up cake/biscuits for lent.. the lord surely helps?!
Drinking each night.. only 2 little bottles ( gotta love Asda) now but lord could drink a whole bottle
Strange as my mood determines my consumption.. feeling springlike

Obrigada well done on day 11!

Lux how’s your back doing?

Elba I’m glad it went ok and hope you are pain free

Pure well done on the AF days

Carte hope you’re ok

Book how are you doing?

Swarskid hope you’re alright

Theanswer hope you’re feeling ok today

Sofa hello how are you?

Ma Lux Pure Flora Flowery thank you for your kind words, straight talking and being there. The point about it maybe killing me hit home and made me realise how stupid I was being, so thank you

Fleur I'm really sorry to hear about your brother, there is a group for people who have a family member who have a problem with booze.

www.al-anon.org.uk

A colleague has been with them and got enormous support when her now x-husband was an alcoholic. It might be worth a look, they provide advice and support, there will be families in a similar situation to you. I hope this helps

Evening all, just checking in. Back bad again but have cause to celebrate this weekend, AF I hope, the cravings ate few and far between now.
Hope everyone is OK x

Not doing too well this week. But have managed to control to about half a bottle of wine a night. Was over a bottle a night last week.

Just find it really hard not to reach for the bottle when I get home from work. Work v stressful

Thank you all! He recognises he has a problem but I don't think he wants to do something about it. He goes from wanting to go alcohol free to stating he has nothing left to live for so he may as well drink himself to death.

I think the situation he is in at the moment has practically validated his desire to drink, he now has a major valid reason to drink. He says stuff like "you can give up addiction when you are in a calm settled situation only, not when you're stressed" which, while I can get his point of view, is not completely true, he didn't give up drinking while he was in a good place did he?

Fleur it sounds so hard to watch after what you've already been through. But I have to second what others have said- apart from be there when he's ready for help, there's nothing you can do. It has to come from him.

lux sorry you're in pain- back pain is horrible and relentless. Have you seen stone (physio?) about it?

I'm still af- day 4. Was really thinking about drinking earlier and was very tempted, but woke up in quite a bit of pain last night and had to take codeine (cant take ibuprofen or any other nsaids so it's only paracetamol otherwise). Getting more sore again now and don't want to mix alcohol and codeine (lux I'm remembering your experience ), so if I drink I will just have to put up with it. Feel quite low and emotional- don't know if it's the not drinking or something else.

Hi Elba it's a long term back problem that I've seen every kind of Doctor or therapist going. It will pass soon.
Yeah don't mix codeine and alcohol, God is felt terrible (autocorrect wanted that to be God is Elton!)
Hope you feel better later and sleep ok.
kid you've made progress with your half bottle, you know it doesn't really relieve stress, it's a short term fixed, guess we all know it but...our false friend is hard to resist hey?

Bloody phone sorry for typos again.

fleur my brothers story is documented on here, about 3 years back.
he ended up being taken in by the Salvation Army.
Cant talk just now but pm me

Hi,
I'm new- have lurked on this thread before but things have come to a massive head for me this week and I need to stop drinking.
It's been a long time coming, I have known for a while but always let my friend's reassurances win me over. However, rock bottom has been well and truly hit and I know I can't drink again.
There's been so much going on I haven't been tempted, that's what usually happens and then I get complacent. I am not an everyday drinker so it's always been easy to tell myself I'll be fine. Just one, just to be sociable.
So I am saying to anyone who will listen to me. And hopefully repeat it back to me. I will never be fine with a drink. Even a wee one. Even as a one off. Ever.

Hi there and welcome, should we call you Jenny ?
I'm sorry to know you're at such a low point, but we'll done to facing up to things, it's hard.
It's late for me and I must go to sleep, hopefully someone else will come along but if not we'll be here tomorrow.
One day at a time eh?
Just join in as much or as little that you're comfortable with, we never judge here