Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Dieu Re: your "halt" comment. I hate to say this, but I actually would call halt if I suddenly discovered a large tattoo. Sorry if that makes me shallow but I really don't like tattoos. A very very small one I might be ok with I suppose but a large one I'm afraid would immediately turn me off.

Even if it was on her back, and normally covered by clothes?
Sorry, not having a go, just curious.

Eek! So what do you think I should do then GloucestershireGuy? Should it be on my profile?

Dieu Yes. I'm afraid so. I just find them really unattractive and while it may be covered by clothes during the day, you can't exactly miss it at night lying in bed.

HalfIn Almost all of us have some deal breakers one way or another. For many, perhaps most guys, it won't be an issue.

Hi everyone. I post occasionally but read and follow the thread avidly!

I've been seeing Mr Iron for three weeks. No spark at all initially but he was a nice guy so I saw him again. A tiny flicker appeared, over a few dates it grew and grew and now I'm scarily heading for smitten

He's lovely. So respectful - bought flowers on date 3 and he is kind, interesting, and, as someone said upthread, I get the feeling he is good for me because he's not my usual type.

Was a little worried that kind didn't equate to passion, but we got hot 'n' heavy in the car last night and he definitely had passion. And something more concrete

So those of you who think you need a spark first time, I was in your camp too, completely. But now I really think it's worth a couple of dates to make sure.

To be fair, I suppose some of it is a style thing - I also have my ears pierced several times & my nose, so the likelihood is someone who is that horrified by tattoos probably wouldn't be very attracted to me anyway.

I'm definitely going to continue to mention it in advance of any potential deed-doing though!

Well, the date was with a woman I'd chatted to for a week or so, who lives just over an hour away. As I've had several first dates where I drive for an hour and have a shandy and it's okay but a bit dull and then I drove home, I thought I'd drive over get a B&B and we'd be able to drink and chat along as we wanted.

This was slightly thrown off course by someone crashing into the back of my car at a roundabout on the way but it wasn't massively serious so I drove to meet her.

We met at a pub in her town, had a couple of drinks, moved on to another place another drink at some random uncles got chatting to them and then we decide we want to stay out and drink more delete delet we met a pub in our town had a couple of drinks are well moved on to another place another drink at some random locals got chatting to them and then we decide we want to have a meal so we found an incredibly weird restaurant which was a fusion of Scandinavian, Russian, Greek, Dutch, French and apparently Hawaiian food. Really odd. So we had dinner and talked and we made each other laugh. I fancied her, she fancied me. There was chemistry.

Then it was getting late so instead of doing the sensible thing and saying good night, we went on to some more bars, each one of which called time an hour after the previous one. Had more drinks, met some random very very strange people, and kept chatting and kissing. Randomly pretended to people we met that we'd been married for three years and made up a whole backstory, each of us doing one line in turn like a parlour game. How we met, where we'd been on holiday, what ficutious bad habits the other person had, which led to faux arguments for the benefit of the onlookers. Really random and odd, but our minds worked the same way.

Then more kissing, and I put her in a taxi home at 4am, and went back to my bnb.

Then this morning we met at a pub near hers, to have breakfast together and chat. I got home mid afternoon.

I'll see her again. She's really kind of cool.

Wow Bant that sounds lovely!

W00t that sounds fantastic, what a date!!!!

Hi I'm new and would love to join.

Dieu I think differently. I dont like tattoos but one or two would never put me off. Also had your quandary recently re a guy I had a first date and didnt feel it. I thought about it and we had a lot of interests in common but some of our lives were too different. I decided not to date him again as I thought better to stop after one date and not prolong the agony.

And to be fair someone else did it to me too last week. I was quite shocked because we had a great date and lots of fun. And he complimented me a lot. But thats OLD and I was sad for one day and then got on with it.

I've also got the long distance problem at present. Talking to someone an hour and three quarters away. I think hes a great guy though. Very hard to know what to do. I've been totally clear previously when OLD that I only dated local (am in London) But am older age group (like some here) and find it challenging to find good guys. He says he may start coming into London sometimes for work. Not sure. Still chatting while working out what to do.

Love this thread and have found it super positive :)

And pleased for you Bant that sounds great

Welcome mumfun. Lovely to have you join us!

Bant wow! So pleased for you. What a great, and very original date, and a fabulous tale to tell the grandkids. Imagine if you had just given up after the crash!
Really happy for you

Sorry about the random bits of text in my post earlier, I was trying out voice to text and obviously it's not perfect.

Bant your date sounds great fun!! So glad you are seeing her again.

My 3rd date yesterday with Mr Cyclist was fantastic! Just really easy company and conversation never stilled. We had a pub lunch then went for a walk which ended up a 5-6mile hike! then snuggled on the sofa to watch the rugby,

I'm liking him more and more!! Chaste kisses on the lips so far - and hand holding during the walk but perhaps thats normal for date 3. And as my DA came through on Friday I think gentle and slow is just what I need!!

Wow, Bant, that sounds like a fantastic date. I hope date 2 goes just as well.

Sounds like a fun date Bant, I hope the 2nd date is just as good 😊

Will it be a second date? Meeting for breakfast today was a second date I think. Next one will be third.

Interestingly, I read somewhere about a man's plan to get a woman to bed on the very first date. This was a serial dater in New York or somewhere, and he'd worked out a plan where he'd meet a woman somewhere, have a drink and see if he liked her, then if he did he'd move on from the first bar to the second, and the 2nd to the third and the 3rd to the fourth. Route planned, all seemingly spontaneous but actually prearranged. And somewhere around the third or the fourth bar or restaurant there will be a set of stairs where he could stand one step down from her and kiss her. Because it just so happens that there was a stairway there..

And then having gone from place to place it would feel like a series of dates with new environments and new people and new experiences, like going on four or five dates with someone, and at the end of the evening she'd go back to his place.

Very contrived, very unspontaneous and a bit shitty, but the psychology makes sense.

I realised partway through our evening last night that we'd done just that, and the next thing that would have happened is that we'd have gone back to her place, or mine. 8 hours of talking and drinking and going to half a dozen places is possibly more 'getting to know someone' than three or four hour-long dates, just more intense.

However, I also think it's worth waiting until I know if I really like someone, to avoid going off them shortly afterwards.

You used the word "random" 5 times and the word "drinks" 7 times in that post bant.

Says it all really

she sounds like a keeper

Bant aren't you at all worried that the amount of drinks will have coloured the experience?

I've been carried away with a night like that a few times in the past (not with irons, just nights out with friends etc) and woken up with a bump back to reality the next day. Maybe just be careful that it's real and not just the ambience of the evening etc.

I'm super into Mr Planes. He makes me laugh a lot on chat! And very cute in photos. We're meeting on Saturday I think so fingers crossed!

He said on text last night that he hopes we hit it off because I'm just his type. I have enough reason to believe he means personality rather than looks as we've been chatting a lot since first picture viewings, iyswim. It's nice he said that as he's clearly not OI until we meet. Same here I think, but I'm very much looking forward to seeing him in person!

Some of them may have been duplicate randoms, stubborn. And duplicate drinks.

I don't know if this is a potential life partner type thing. But we had fun together and make each other laugh, and enjoyed being with each other.

When I was in my 20s, that would be enough to want to see someone again. Now I'm older, and most of us have been through that process of splitting up with someone we thought was the One, and I think many people have some kind of expectation that it's easy to find The Next One, and if we don't find that then we keep hunting and don't settle for less. I've had that thought.

I'd really like to find the person I'll live with for the rest of my life. But also I'm aware it took me years to find someone I could live with at all.

So now, this one is funny and attractive and we're on each other's wavelength. No awkwardness, no weirdness, no anger issues.

At one point, we'd been talking about her past relationships, and jobs, and places we'd lived, and mine. We'd been talking about mine for a while, with her asking questions. And then I asked her what she thought about a particular thing, and then it occurred to me, and I said 'isn't that the definition of narcissism. 'but enough of me talking about me, what do you 'think about me?'

And she'd been thinking exactly the same thing, and liked the fact I was self aware enough to be self deprecating. And burst out laughing because she'd thought the exact same thing as me.

It was random, and it was alcohol fuelled, but it was also a very funny and interesting night. If she hadn't wanted to see me again I'd have been a bit gutted, but I still would have been worth it.

Possibly not the damage to my car, but.. yeah. Insurance should cover that

Bant - that sounds like a great date. Afternoons that turn into evenings have to be the best sort. If they turn into mornings...even better.

Sometimes you really click with someone after a few drinks. But sometimes it doesn't translate to the next sober date. But if you still got on the next morning, it really sounds great.

I am a little jealous...I am missing Mr Overseas. He is so sweet and lovely... :(

Maybe I should just have some fun friends-only dates?

oncemore - not really, as we've talked a lot on chat when we're both stone cold sober, and this morning when we had breakfast I still fancied her. The extremeness of last night was brought on by booze, yes. But we've had a jokey piss-takey thing on messenger for a week, combined with intense intellectual conversation, and it was just like that, but with more ambience.

I fancied her sober, and drunk. She was funny and interesting both times.

It's my best first date in a couple of years.

I just don't know if you can ever know if someone's going to be the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Not on the first date, not after the first six months, maybe not even after the first ten years!

People are like onions; layer upon layer upon layer. There's always more to discover, especially as we're all constantly changing. Perhaps I could have met Mr Anarchist 20 years ago, when we were both living in London and hanging around in some of the same circles, before he went abroad and got married. It would have been intensely disastrous.We were both utter nightmares at the time, for different reasons.

We've been having some pretty intense text conversations over the last couple of days. He can be very annoying, yet there is a willingness to look at himself, and to discuss things, that is a novelty to me. Seriously, I feel that this embryonic relationship could explode in a shower of expletives in a couple of weeks, or we could be together for years. There's no way of knowing at this point. I don't think there ever is, though....

Well, you all know the drill about not over investing too soon.

But I'm secretly very excited for Bant, because she does sound like a potential keeper.

Bant she sounds brilliant. I like the way you're taking it easy though instead of going crazy OI because she sounds good enough to be feeling like a little bit of OI could easily start to simmer away there :)