Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

pony, I have been dating someone on and off for just over 3 months, he lives just over an hour away, things are not moving forward and I'm finding it hard to see how they will. At some point you will have to discus the possibility of one of you moving or both of you moving, it's a tough one , I am starting to think that long distance relationships are not possible.

lovemusic33 that is exactly my worry- slow is ok for now as I am working fulltime, two kids and he is widower, but hard to see how things can develop. Is it Mr Mod? Sorry am only part way through threads! Did you discuss with him and if yes how did it turn out?

We have discussed future plans but he seems to think I will move into his house (which I don't want too as my family are here and my dc's got to school here), his other idea is that eventually we get a house somewhere else (again he has chose a location). So at the he moment I don't think it will work. To begin with I thought a long distance relationship would be perfect as I dint want to rush into anything, not
W I'm thinking it's a bad idea .

Ling distance is really hardcore. I've done it twice and it didn't work either time. Though each one took 18 months before stopping.

You get into a lot of issues with it, as already mentioned really. It's not just the logistics of seeing each other or the impending day of talking about somebody needs to move. There is a whole heavy element to add, a massive responsibility that you don't get with a close range relationship.

Let's say he wants to move to you. Sounds good because you don't have to move, right? Wrong. Now you have the massive responsibility that someone has move their entire life to be with you. Are you sure you like them THAT much? If you have any doubts then this should never happen.

And what if you move? What if down the line he's not as loving anymore? You've moved now, you're probably going to stick it out whereas normally you might have dumped the guy to find someone more deserving of you.

Moving someone over to you, they get a new job etc is massively risky for both parties. You can't just dump someone that has changed their entire life for you. Well you can, but you kinda wouldn't.

It's all messy and complicated.

I'm on the way to a date. Will update later if I can :)

Good luck, Bant!

Happy dating Bant!

Me and mr overseas are mid-negotiation regarding our long distance relationship. We won't ever not be in touch because it s just too good, but the future is hard to imagine.

I was the same and thought that I would be OK because I am not long out of a marriage - but the longer things remain amazing the more I want him in my life more.

But i would consider moving - he lives in a country that is very close to my original birthplace. So it actually isn't that far fetched. But i need to decide whats best for my children and it won't be on the cards for at least a year.

So long distance is not necessarily recommend - but we can't always choose,.

Oh I can certainly work if you're both bang into it.

Just back from my Date with Mr Band. Re my previous post, I can now say that I completely underestimated the power (and necessity) of chemistry. He felt it, but I didn't. I really didn't fancy him, which I had thought might be the case. He is lovely though, and I feel bad.

I know he is very keen on the idea of Date 2, and I feel guilty at the thought of letting him down. I know I shouldn't, be he was so nice and there was almost an innocence about him. The type of person who almost seems too good for this world, if that makes sense.

I don't know whether to walk away now, or go on Date 2 but explain in advance that I didn't really 'feel it', so couldn't give any guarantee of anything happening. Be honest. So that he can make the choice. Who knows, maybe we could even be friends (clichéd, I know).

Any thoughts?

I can't speak for others but I really need Chemistry. And for me it's not something that grows.
Others on here have said that for them it can and has but only you know what works for you.
I'd maybe tempted by a 2nd date but only you know if chemistry is a grower for you.

I need chemistry too and that's why I decided not to do date 2 with mr body builder. I need that desire there to want to spend what little free time I have with someone

I wanted to make a post about OLD profile negativity and declaring the things you don't want. Where the line is and such like. Just spilling out some thoughts really because I see a LOT of negativity in profiles. This is probably a rant with no direction :)

The thing I have in mind is the line between what you can gather from a profile and what you can't. What is important to declare and what just comes across negative and pointless. E.g.

Nice looking girl checks out my profile, doesn't message. So I check hers and she has three lines in her profile. One says no sleeves, necks or back tattoos please. That's me out then. This is her prerogative, generally though tattoo people include pictures showing that. On one hand, she's used a third of her profile on a negative statement. On the other hand, nobody with those tattoos will waste their or her time messaging her. Is this negative or justified? Thoughts?

Just checked out a profile and the first half of it is her POF pet hates. Now sure, we all have them but filling the first half of your profile with all of that? Did I even make it to the second half, nope I did not.

As I've said before, my biggest POF pet hate is 'just ask'. Do I say that in my profile? Absolutely not. I don't need to. If someone messages me with that I can see it and I wouldn't reply. If I saw them first, I wouldn't message. No need at all to mention that and look negative.

I've been hurt before and blah blah NEXT.

I've seen profiles with lists of what they don't want. Seriously? Even when I match their list perfectly I'd never message them due to their approach.

I've even recently seen multiple women include the line 'nobody with mental health issues'. Jaw on the floor. Many people have some kind of anxiety issue if not more, this is bordering offensive!

We are lucky that we get to talk about all this in here, we have an outlet. Does anyone really think a profile even partially filled with negativity is in any way attractive though (to anyone you'd want to spend time with).

Phew, I was right, bit of an outpour with no real direction ha ha :)

infosec you are right it is complicated as either of us moving (which is not likely to happen anyway) might just create pressure.

I sometimes think it works for now because of the distance- but it is hard to see how it can progress

I am also laughing a bit that a relationship across sides of one city is in effect long-distance!!

Dieu maybe it is worth a second date-- chemistry is very important agreed but sometimes it can build up. If it was a definite 'no' then I wouldn't bother but otherwise might be worth seeing how it develops.

InfoSec I totally agree - even when it is done in jest ("please don't block me - haha") negativity is dreadful a real turn off.

info is spot on with the long distance thing, it's a shame as their are some really nice people out there but they all live too far away from me , finding someone local on OLD is almost impossible for me. I don't want to move unless its to my dream place ( which I would move to tomorrow ), I have family here who are a huge support, my kids are settled in school here and I love the area I life in as it's one of the most bauitiful places in the country. Mr mod is willing to move, he has no ties, kids have grown up, he can run his business from almost anywhere but he has not considered what I might want and assumes I would move. If I moved and things didn't work out I would lose everything.

So today I am child free, no work and I have no date lined up , Mr mod is away, the man I have been seeing as friends has just told me that he loves me ( I have known him for 15 years as a friend, he is still living with his wife ), so I am going to back off. Mr Drone has just got back in touch after vanishing for a week ( said he was ill but was probably dating someone else ), so I think I will just enjoy a day on my own, might paint the hall way or something equally exciting.

I've followed this thread for a few years now, I've been living with someone for 6 years, so I'm not on the market - I've seen the odd man posting here and there for periods of time - but I have to say Info that you come across as a really attractive person. I'm surprised you've not been snapped up already. I know it's against the rules but it would be great if you and one of the fab women on this thread hooked up

Thanks for your thoughts. He phones after the date last night for one of our lengthy chats, and he is rather besotted. Not in a creepy, lovebombing way, as he's a very sweet and genuine person.
He talked about how he'd love to take me on a skiing holiday one day, and how well he thought I'd get on with his parents.
I am going to have to find a way to let him down gently.

Info I am with you 100% on the negativity thing. It's incredibly off putting and shows a real lack of intelligence and maturity.
In my profile, I have focused a little on what I WOULD like, rather than all the stuff I don't like.
One must, to some degree, keep an open mind.

Dieu I seem to get into this situation a lot, I find it really hard letting people down and often end up going on date 2 in hope I will change my mind (it never works). I think it's best to tell him as soon as possible how ever hard it might be .

I don't put anything negative on my profile, I put a a brief description of me and what I like (try and make myself sound interesting). I avoid profiles that are negative in anyway unless it's a sarcastic way.

You're right LM33. Thanks x

Got a text first thing from Mr BBC (he's the only other one I've given my number), asking how it went last night. Here went the conversation:

me - it was nice. He's a very sweet, lovely and genuine guy but I didn't feel a spark, and am feeling bad about having to let him down.

him - may I be so bold as to suggest that we have the spark?

me - see, I thought that from my phone chats and messaging with him, but it really is an 'in person' thing. Please just give me a little time, enjoy your Sunday, and I will be in touch soon.

him (2 mins later) - are you free through the week at all?

Just me, or does he need to work on his empathy a bit?

Morning to all.
I have been waiting patiently on the sidelines of a sports tournament.
No sport for another hour.
I will use it as a chance to catch up on this thread!!

Wow cloudchasing, that's such a lovely thing to say thank you. I'm sure there would be a lot more dating done starting from this thread if it was not anonymous as it is.

For most of us, we have no idea what we all look like and where we live. It's this that allows us all to have such equality though, it's cool :)

Dieu is spot on there. Instead of listing what you don't want, flip it and list what you do want. It's basically the same but with positivity. We all love some positivity.

Yes that guy needs to work on his understanding and also, listening skills. Sometimes you got to know when to take your foot off the gas a little. He's shown he's interested, now he needs a little patience. His heart is in the right place though.

Now, where is Bant with that update?