Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Thanks Bant. I thought that honesty would be the best policy, but yes, I can totally understand what you're saying.
And you're right, it's a lost cause if there is no connection in the messaging stage. This is when you should be on your finest form!

Ha! I've just had some further discussion with the guy over the whole thing, and it was pretty interesting to be fair. Good food for thought, to hear others' views on the whole thing.
And then he asked 'so, shall we make a date?'
So much for his earlier scruples!

I wish it was normal to not to talk to lots of people at the same time, but it is. It's even normal to date people at the same time.

I wouldn't tell someone I was waiting to see how another date went before meeting him - I would just say I was busy. Not sure anyone wants to be reminded how brutal this game is so early on.

More than a few dates and I think you should mention you're seeing other people. And definitely no MB without having a conversation about exclusivity.

Agree with taking a break from OLD if you're feeling down. People can really mess with your head sometimes - you can need a few weeks (or even months) out from time to time.

dieu I don't think you did anything wrong. Unclassy! I think that rules most of us out then.
Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned the other date but he's not going to get on well if he thinks we all just chat/date one person at a time.

He sounds like the guy i just told to get lost. He wanted to be exclusive. But couldn't commit to any time for an actual date.

Dieu you were honest, and I think maybe he appreciated that and that's why he came back? I agree, it's weird that we chat to and sometimes date multiple people at once, but it is what it is. In this game, honesty is crucial or we could all end up feeling cheated on!

I have ripped the plaster off and called it off with Mr Drums. He sent a short but nice reply wishing me well. I feel better now.

I have a new iron, I'll call him Mr Planes. He was on nightshift last night so we chatted until the early hours. Instant rapport and very cute in photos so we'll see how that pans out... he's 7 yrs younger than me!!

shatner when I use tinder I use an app that shows me who has liked me. That way I am only looking at the profiles of people that I know I will match with if I choose to. The reason for this is just as you say, the blow to my already fragile self esteem. It is also a lot less time consuming
I know you are having time out and I totally understand your reasons but it may be worth a try if you ever feel like it?

I find it difficult to carry on more than one conversation at a time, to be honest. I'm trying to carry on two at the moment, with women from bumble, and realised I let two others just fade away.

One of them wants to meet, but she's an hours drive away. The other is closer and possibly more attractive but has bad grammar.

Hmm. Choices, choices.

Bant I think this is one of the things that makes OLD so hard. We have all these choices and we think we need to make the right choices at every turn or it will be our own fault if it fails.

Mr Planes works shifts. I'm the past I've ruled that out as impractical. Would I have done that if I'd met him the old fashioned way? Probably not - he's hot and funny and interested! I'm trying to keep it more real now.

Yup Bant you wouldn't know she had bad grammer if you met her in the pub or gym.

but she might be one of those who say 'could/should of'

'

Ah well, poor grammar girl is a no-goer. She didn't get one of my favourite jokes.

It's possible she's actually a bot. If they designed chatbots to appear to be a bit thick.

Well at least you'd have an Iron mans for her Thick Chatbot!!

Few points from me:

Also interested in the deal breaker.
What tool are you using to show Tinder matches?
Grammar before Glamour.

(Drops the Mic)

Mine uses should of instead of should have...he's also incredibly funny, kind, caring, a great cook, fab in bed, has a good job and lots of friends, he's interesting, good looking...

Really isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things!

Yes my lovely iron also is unfamiliar with the correct use of your/you're: makes my skin itch when I see it but he is very intelligent and sparky so can overlook it.
Got second date tomorrow after lots of whatsapping over past week. Haven't actually found out what he is looking for - relationship wise and having met on tinder I always worry it may not be more than a.fling they want. How can I raise this.without coming across too intense. Is not that I expect a serious relationship immediately but would like to know if someone was at.least in a place for that.
Also don't know how his last relationship ended is there a.good way to.bring that up?

Losing you're absolutely right, of course.

Plenty could you bring it up casually in a message? It would be a bit much face-to-face on Date 2. Unless drunk.

Re dating feedback - I used to use Adult Friend Finder and that has a feedback section, sort of recommendations like LinkedIn. Odd and amusing!

Also don't know how his last relationship ended is there a.good way to.bring that up?

Oh, I'm sure if you give him the slightest hint the floodgates will open! They do with most people . Maybe just a head tilt and a "Soooo....you guys found out you weren't compatible?" I'm sure he'll be happy to tell you- it's one of the things everybody wants to know, surely?

Shatner WHAT WAS THE DEAL BREAKER?? if it was "must be size 8 or under" be prepared to run very fast

"Grammar before glamour". Yup. Want that on a T shirt.

For those worried that I'm being rash in going away to an unknown destination with Mr Anarchist, be reassured that by then we'll have been seeing each other for about 10 weeks. Which is equivalent to about 6 months in RL, surely, OLD years being like dog years .

Plus, I know it's somewhere in the EU, so that's OK then, because white slavery will be illegal

Grammar before glamour. Love it. That's definitely my approach to dating!

And mine ... as if you couldn't already tell!

Can anyone think of an equivalent with 'spelling' in?

Spelling before ...

... spooning

Elocution before copulation?

Actually that sounds like a lesson plan

Well, it's not a lesson on the alphabet!

EDUCATION before copulation!