Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Feedback after dates?! God, that sounds genius/ hellish!

Bleach Bloody hell. Oof, he's trying to emotionally manipulate you on the second date! Run for the hills!

In terms of ending, it, how about: "It kills me not to be able to connect with an amazing, beautiful soul like yours ever again. However, I realise that I have so much Stuff to Process before I can really share my being with another. Good luck you unique star spirit, you have so much to give to the right woman". .

I would at least consider a Leave voter, if their messages showed that they could possibly be intelligent, knowledgeable and reflective enough to justify their position in other words, I wouldn't

Mr Anarchist, true to his given name on here, didn't vote in the referendum. He fucking would've if he'd known me at that point, I can tell you!

Interesting development with Mr A. He texted me a couple of weeks ago saying he'd come into some money (he gets lump sums via work 2-3 times a year), and did I want to go away with him?! I replied saying basically "Whoah! I've only known you for a month! Maybe a great idea for the future, but let's wait a bit!", to which he sent a very respectful reply apologising for rushing me. However, fast forward a week or so, and XP contacts me asking if he can take the kids away for a whole week over Easter . Well, this is frankly too good an opportunity to miss, so I mentioned it to Mr A, and lo and behold, tickets are booked!

.....I have no idea where we are going. All I know is that we're flying from LHR and that it's in the EU .

Amazing and so very exciting! Good to throw caution to the wind, and I'd have done the same thing. if only because my life is fucking dullsville these days

There was no way I could resist that TBH. Travel is my crack cocaine.

Stubborn I am so envious

Stubborn wow! Sounds exciting! Be safe though... how well do you know him? Where are you going? (Apologies if I missed info) make sure someone knows where you are etc etc etc...

I like the ethical dating site idea. Maybe we could give star ratings? ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

Llareggub and destiny thanks for the blast from the past with WDY!!

All thanks for the sanity the Mr Drums/Intense. I'm a people pleaser by nature, and have found myself in situations before where I would have gone along with things like this so as not to hurt feelings.

Oh it would be great to have a flag by people's profiles to see how many active conversations they have going

If we owned the ethical dating site, we could just for us lot, check all messages and activity for anyone anyway. If someone else was getting more attention than us, we'd see that and could mark them down :)

Well, my date with Mr Different today seemed to go well. He was chatty and easy to get on with. Chemistry? Hard to say, but possibly. At the end he suggested another date and said he'd text me ... but I haven't heard from him, so perhaps he was just being polite. Bit disappointed, as out of my 3 dates this year he was definitely my favourite.

Well, I took all your advice and I messaged Beardy McBeardface. We've both agreed to meet up again - I'm going to suggest a few dates to him tomorrow.

He was utterly lovely about me when we spoke. Utterly lovely. He acknowledged that we're both very different (nice to know we were both thinking it!) but also said some things that made my heart melt. I've been putting up walls to protect me since what we'll call "the Bumble fail" last year and you know what? I feel ready to take a chance now. It might not be on him ultimately, but I think he's helped me get that confidence back.

Of course there are prettier, cleverer, generally better women than me out there. But I am a catch too. And I should remember that. I deserve to meet someone nice and love and be loved. We all deserve that.

I know I've got it wrong before when it comes to spotting decent guys ( Mr BumbleBeard ), but I really feel like he's lovely. Not sure if we're right for each other (will see how date 2 goes), but I feel like I really want him to be happy - whether that's with me or with someone else.

WOW! Stubbornstains I have just read that you & Mr A are heading off on holiday!!!

Enjoy. Have fun.

I will read all of recent activity today.

Dating profiles that show a flag would have done my head in totally, in terms of how many "other chats" that an iron is involved in.
Dating seems to be so much more contrived & compicated than it needs to be. Perhaps a reflection of the lifes we lead.

Why is it when I get my first Tinder match EVER after BLOODY MONTHS, the woman concerned is very nice, attractive, we message back and forth for several days, lots of mutual interests, she THEN reveals a total dealbreaker. I even mention this on my profile. Which she claims she had read and was what made me a "definite yes"! Let's face it, none of us have more than about 30 words on a Tinder profile anyway.

Clearly, OLD isn't for this man. Thanks for the rant. I shall continue to live my life through you guys. After 7 years single and no dates in 5.5 years, I've decided this is clearly my lot.

Shatnerswig
Don't let that silly cow get you down.
The rules say...You are the prize!
Lucky escape for you. Though she was inexcusable in her behaviour!
Next....

Life too can be rubbish.

Lettuce Indeed. But rule 8 says if it's not fun, stop. It isn't. Hasn't been. Which is why I stopped before. Doesn't seem to have changed, so have decided to admit defeat and work out how to accept loneliness and singledom forever. Plays tiny violin!

ShatnersWig - why not just take a break for 2 or 3 weeks and then see how you feel? I agree / understand that it can be draining

Having taken a couple of weeks off meeting anyone new, I've now finalised two dates for this weekend

Browse I think for some people OLD is great and for others it can become somewhat soul destroying and bugger up your self esteem. It is what it is, and certainly from speaking with friends I know others who vowed never to do it again and have stuck to it. I do think a lot depends where you live and in my circumstances it was always going to be needle in haystack time. But it can wear you down and I honestly think it is now best for me to step away permanently. I did it for two years, took a long break, another two years, took a long break and have used pretty much every site. On this most recent occasion I just stuck to Tinder as at least you tend to spend less time on it.

What's the male equivalent of the stereotypical cat lady?

Shatner sorry to hear this. I get the strong impression that online dating is a tougher gig for men than it is for women. Certainly in terms of ratio, level of interest, trying to strike a rapport, etc.

I had my 2nd date with someone last night - went for a meal in a pub local to me (it was lovely of him to drive so much further) and had a great time (again!) . we said goodbye with some chaste pecks on the lips! going to see him on Saturday for a walk in his neck of the woods then a pub lunch/watching the rugby ;-)

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I cant cope with talking to lots of different people on PoF so have hidden my profile for a bit and said 'bye' to those I was talking to apart from this guy. And I cant believe how much calmer I feel. I'm full of respect for those of you who have several irons on the go at the same time!!

Dieu I think for the genuine decent guys, that might be true.

I was thinking about it the other day - I only know one marriage as a result of OLD and that's already in trouble after two years and one long-term relationship (brilliant and now at 4 years). The couple who are married it was his 19th online date and her first. He's very wealthy but a total twat and we're all just waiting for it to finally finish.

Everyone else who has done it has either had lots of first and second dates but nothing more, or dating that fizzled out after a couple of months. And oddly enough, I know some very attractive women who you'd think should do well found they hardly got dates at all even over a long period of time and it left them feeling really shitty about themselves, asking what was wrong with them.

Hmm, I suppose when you think about it, it's not a natural way of meeting people at all. Just the modern way though, I guess.
You (as in one) have to find a way to make it work for you, or else step back from it completely.

stubborn wow, a holiday for a date. Not sure I would have the confidence to do that. Just make sure you are safe.

Shatner I can see why you're fed up. It's even more frustrating when people don't read your profile.
It is soul destroying sometimes. My experience hasn't been great. Had a few first dates but promised second dates never happened.

I've left my profile up but I'm not chasing anyone. All my mutual matches ignored my messages.
OKstupid has run out of matches for me.
I've told one iron to get lost after he messaged me five times at midnight and then sulked when i didn't reply. Communication is very important in a relationship apparently. Not when I'm asleep it isn't!

shatner

I believe the male alternative of a cat lady is an old man with ferrets.

What was the deal breaker?

I've just had my first ever dig from someone on POF.
Would appreciate your perspective, as I think he has been a bit harsh. So, guy has been messaging me for a few days now, and I have always replied. We chat a bit but no real banter, rapport or humour. However he seems attractive and articulate, so I don't rule him out.
He asks me out, and I explain that I have my first POF date on Sat night, and that I'd prefer not to date more than one person at once, so I'd prefer to see how Sat night goes first.
He asks me if the guy I'm seeing knows I'm chatting to others. I reply that it would be unwise to put all one's dating eggs in the one basket before even meeting that person, and that in my opinion there is no harm in chatting with others.
He has got back to me to say that I'm not for him anyway, as my behaviour is unclassy!
I think I'm about as proper as one gets on POF, but is it really the norm to remove your profile/go exclusive, before you've even met the person you're having the date with?

I don't think it's the norm to go exclusive before you've met, dieu, but I think maybe it's undiplomatic to explicitly say you're meeting other people and want to see how that pans out.

I've been in that situation before and just said I wasn't free until next week, and if the date went well I could always cancel with the second person.

In this case though, it's no loss, as there's no connection there. If there isn't a connection of some sort via messaging, then it's not hugely likely there will be one in person.