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Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

999 replies

WavingNotDrowning · 05/03/2017 12:22

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Dieu · 14/03/2017 12:07

I got it too!

Iusedtobedontcall · 14/03/2017 12:22

I cancelled three dates this weekend. I seem to spend more time cancelling dates than actually going on them! One I just didn't fancy when I looked at him again; one wanted casual sex and I realised that just wasn't me and one I just didn't feel right.

Destinysdaughter · 14/03/2017 12:33

Why don't you...( For anyone who didn't get the reference!)

m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=MaQdSDeveiQ

InfoSec21 · 14/03/2017 13:02

On the quick feely thing. I had a date last year that was touching my leg and showing me down her top a bit and stuff. It wasn't good in any way, it was massively off putting.

No second date.

Bant · 14/03/2017 13:15

Yeah - I think with some people you can feel that connection, and you're on the same level, and you may want to look after them, or have them look after you, or both are on an equal footing, some more touchy-feely, some less so - and whichever way it is, you both feel comfortable in those roles

Others, it's clear to both of you that the other person isn't right for you. They may be attractive, and interesting and funny and whatever, but the key doesn't fit the lock somehow. And both of you can feel that it doesn't, so you say goodbye.

And still others, the fit isn't right but they're so unempathic or desperate that they will disregard or not see that that's the case, and make you feel uncomfortable.

In this case, it's the last of those three - if it's not right, move on, even if they think that it is right.

Rule 8 refers to individuals as well as dating as a whole.

Rockluvvindad · 14/03/2017 13:38

Iused, sometimes you just don't feel it... Maybe you need a little break from the pressure for a few days ? This does get tiring after a while and I find if my heart isn't in it I have a VERY low tolerance for it all.

Date with Ms. IT later... Quite looking forward to it at the moment, but work is doing it's best to drag my mood down ! I refuse to let it. Must remember to stay off the strong beer that I love so much at the venue I'm going to.

I'm always surprised when I see people express a strong desire to exclude people of a differing political opinion. I see it a lot on profiles, and IME it will be from someone of a more left leaning viewpoint ( have genuinely never seen "I vote tory so no Corbynistas please" ).

Serious question... Do you think you can never have any kind of relationship with someone of a differing political spectrum ? ( I'm discounting extremists of any persuasion... ) For what it's worth, my political leanings are mixed. On some issues I'm somewhat to the right of Ghengis Khan, on others I would make even Jeremy Corbyn blush. I would never consider excluding a whole section of people based on differing opinions unless they were trying to ram them down my throat. One of my greatest friends grew up in a Communist state. She is still bemused by Democracy ( and often gets confused between democracy and capitalism ) but the conversations we have are some of my most treasured discussions because of the passionate debate and education that comes from them.

RLD

letsbrowse01 · 14/03/2017 15:10

iusedtobedontcall - I also have form for cancelling dates ... its our 'time' we are giving up and you kind of have to be in the right place / mindset and curious / interested 'enough'

Currently messaging 3/4 - all of whom have asked about meeting ... I'm going to ask a few more questions to determine which I will meet though

educationforlife · 14/03/2017 15:27

Thanks people.
Something doesn't feel right with Mr ?
Didn't sleep well last night. Will knock it on the head.

Dieu · 14/03/2017 15:56

Mr Band phoned me again last night. Jeez oh, can that man talk for Scotland! I don't think awkward gaps in the conversation is going to be a problem on Sat night anyway. He is very sweet, and says that talking to me gives his heart a wee lift. He is hardly on POF at the moment, so I hope he isn't over-investing too much ... as I think I might find him a bit boring and not very charismatic. REALLY want not to feel that way, as someone solid like him would be really good for me right now. And he is lovely.
You just can't force 'the spark' though, can you? Dammit ...

Pavonia · 14/03/2017 16:49

I've given my phone number to someone on tinder. This is a first for me, hope I don't regret it.

Well done all of you on your dating activities.

The discussion on people getting too physical early on reminds me of all those men who describe themselves as tactile in their Tinder profiles. That just sounds to me like a warning that they expect to grope you at every opportunity.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 14/03/2017 16:54

Dieu hopefully in person will be better than on the phone, you just never know until you meet do you! Often for me it's the way a person walks or moves that is an attraction. As well as voice and general looks, and of course, personality!

Education good call I think.

Bant you're bang on with your three scenarios, definitely #3 in this case! Such a shame though, I think he's a sweet and genuine guy, no malice there, but rubs me up the wrong way already. I still feel terrible. I haven't sent the message yet, but planning to go with what dieu suggested.

I've only ever cancelled one date, and that was because Mr Puppy, who had previously blocked me, came back on the scene unexpectedly and I wanted to try that again. It was a no go, and I've blocked him now, but still don't feel I want to revisit the cancelled one. Maybe I should...

I joined tinder today. I'm rural and in my 40s so never thought it would be any good for me, but have several matches and messages already, so we'll see. It took me a while to work out you can see more if you tap instead of swipe, so I swiped a few at first who, on seeing their profile fully, I realise I do t actually like! You live and learn...

I'm trying hard to only swipe people I actually want to engage with, and not any who are just passable. I don't have the energy to try so hard!

WavingNotDrowning · 14/03/2017 16:55

What's a nice way to cancel a date? Not sure if I want to rearrange or not but not feeling it particularly with him at the moment. (It's tomorrow's date).

OP posts:
OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 14/03/2017 16:57

Waving I just said my circumstances had changed. He was very nice and said no problem and to get in touch if it didn't work out.

Maybe I really should give him another go. He was boring in text though...

Llareggub · 14/03/2017 17:46

OK, so Mr OI has suggested our first date be a theme Park with the kids. Tempted just to block him without a response to be honest.

educationforlife · 14/03/2017 17:57

Message sent cancelling date and my account deleted.
Going to regroup my thoughts.
Thanks folks!

Dieu · 14/03/2017 18:03

Aww, we'll miss you EFL. I can understand your decision though. Have you heard of a dating site called Elite? I'm thinking that might suit a very lovely and classy woman such as yourself.

Llareggub that is MENTAL. Are there honestly people out there who introduce their kids on Date 1?!

educationforlife · 14/03/2017 18:11

Lovely and classy - shucks Blush thanks
taller and younger would get more action, though
I have actually signed up for Elite - but not paid.
You get a notification if someone views your profile - in 10 days, the grand total of two men have viewed by profile - so not sure it is worth the investment - they have sent an offer, though.
Llareggub what did this fool man suggest you tell the children? - checking to see if we fancy dating each other - you lot go off on the roller coaster ...

educationforlife · 14/03/2017 18:15

Oh, and every second man on Elite is a 'company director' Hmm
Why they think that should impress people, I don't know.
No poo bags, though

Llareggub · 14/03/2017 18:21

I know, it is completely mental. I am running fast!

Dieu · 14/03/2017 18:36

Aah, EFL that is ringing a bell. My mum thought about joining Elite, and before she parted with her money, I insisted on checking some online reviews for the site. It wasn't great, and they simply don't have the membership numbers that the big sites do.
So it's not personal to you at all. Just you saying about the lack of views reminded me of that.

Dragon's Den idea for one of you: set up your own dating site. Call it Decent Daters, or summat like that. Basic premise is that it's for genuine (and sane) daters, and you can be removed for ghosting or not turning up.

I realise the idea has holes in it a mile wide, but the concept is nice Grin

educationforlife · 14/03/2017 18:40

Grin Dieu

educationforlife · 14/03/2017 18:42

Very high numbers of company directors, though.

Bant · 14/03/2017 19:01

That's been discussed on here before, dieu - ethical dating sites.

A combination of needing someone to give you a reference, having to talk on the phone (with anonymised numbers) before meeting, any text conversations have a photo of the persons eyes visible - as it's more difficult to lie when looking into even a picture of someone's eyes.

Plus, only seeing one profile at a time, so you don't get jamjar syndrome, feedback after dates, and penalties for shagging and running

Nice idea, didn't happen though

Bant · 14/03/2017 19:01

Company director = self employed, I think

Dieu · 14/03/2017 19:36

Aah, that must have been in the days before I popped up here.

Wish I'd been around to present my well-constructed and failsafe business model as outlined above Grin

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