Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

I had to ask - what is the point of not asking about something so important?
I agree that, if you met someone socially, you would get a much better idea of what values you shared.
Maybe it isn't OLD getting things arse uppards - more that so much information has to be exchanged on top of working out if you fancy each other - all in the first date(s) because it hasn't happened before.

So, Beardy is rough around the edges, but is very passionate about his job (which I like - you have to be passionate about something). I'm not sure what to make of him...

He did make a bad joke that lost him points, but it was very easy to chat to him and at the end he went in for a hug and side kiss and said that he would leave it to me to decide if we should catch up again, so you know what, he gets back points, because he left things on a very gentlemanly way. I like that. He was also good at hugging. (You don't understand how important this is until you date someone who genuinely doesn't know how to hug.)

I think we have different opinions on children, which is a bit of a deal-breaker really. But he is a nice bloke. Not my typical, but a nice bloke.

I'm not sure I felt much other than friendship, but he might be kissable. Sometimes you don't know until you try.

Thoughts? Should I see him again or not bother, given the lukewarm reaction on my part and the fact that I think we have some big differing views?

Glad date was ok Pringle
For me - see Brexit debate above - big differing views are a non-starter - but I am old and do not have much time to waste.
Investigate?

Well - my first foray (for many years) into the world of POF ...

Messaged by a handsome man, ten years younger than me.

We've spent most of the evening texting and chatting on the phone.

Then things got really steamy. Phone sex - for the first time in my life - and with a total stranger. Naughty me!

But now he wants to meet me. Heck - how am I ever going to look at him in the face? 😳

It's going well!
First guy blocks me for not replying quick enough.
Second sends a message but when I look he's a deleted user
Third was a mutual match that I messaged. He replied to say he is terminally ill so isn't dating. Why's he swiping then?
Lots are looking or want to meet me. They need to message me.

glad it went well pringle. I do think you should see him again. My view is that chemistry isn't always instant and it can grow. I didn't fancy my last boyfriend on the first or even second dates

Ha education - I do have some very good photos on my profile including a strategic bikini shot (I was posed by my teenage daughter who knows how to do these things!). But no idea why I've suddenly got all these irons.

the last guy I saw did vote Leave. That put me off a little bit tbh. He was also (probably) a tory voter.

Will message my irons today. Probably.

The Brexit question - some people have nuanced views, not knee jerk ones. Not everyone is a radical federalist or racist bigot - maybe it's worth considering others perspectives, rather than discounting roughly 50% of the population based upon one yes/no question.

UKIP voters though - well generally they can't spell and ironically the women use huge amounts of fake tan to make themselves look darker. It's easy enough to weed them out :)

Morning everyone,
I knew it waving! Not fair - as I said.

Runny sorry to hear that - sounds like my average day on OLD. I now blame waving

Bant my remain views are very strong - I would probably thump have an attack of apoplexy if I spent any time at all with anyone with nuanced views.

Really unsure about Mr ? - he has told me almost nothing about himself - except that 'bed' is on the agenda (which is flattering at my age) although he doesn't specify when.
I wonder if he is married - his photograph is not public ... how do you know?
Oh well - got a week or so to find out more - if he messages again.

Morning all!

Help! Mr Drums is massively OI and it's putting me off! He's so serious and intense. We met for lunch yesterday, date 2 following brief coffee date 1. He insisted on sitting next to me, holding my hand, rubbing my back. In the pub! It was tooooo much. Because my body language was clearly showing I was not feeling the same, he got all intense about asking me how I feel etc. Then went totally the other way, told me he was going to back off. Went all solemn. I tried to tell him I wanted to get to know him and couldn't tell him how I feel after 2 brief dates, and he took it well on the surface but it was like I had punched a puppy in the face!

Honestly, I think I am in a bit of a pickle with this one

You should not be made to feel uncomfortable after two dates, Once

I am all for being keen but I think the guy I am talking to is a bit too keen. We haven't met yet. Last night he told me he had been thinking about me all weekend. It leaves me a bit cold to be honest.

LLaraggub MrUneducated is being the same - I've not met him and he's already asking if I've gone off him because I didn't message him last night.

once your guy sounds the same!

once I have had a few dates like that, you need to nip it in the bud straight away, I find it hard to let people down and then end up giving off the wrong signals and encouraging it. Mr Nice was like this on the first date and it ruined everything, I didn't see him again because it put me off.

Brexit came up with mr mod yesterday (whilst in bed) ,I hate talking politics, his views were similar to mine but I didn't really want to discus it at that point

Didn't want to leave it until that point Love

once that would freak me out. I'm all for the touchy feely stuff but only once I know someone. Two dates wouldn't be enough for back rubbing! You need to set him straight on your expectations.

Things have taken an interesting turn. The guy who blocked me had given me his number. I couldn't resist sending him a text explaining that I'd not been ignoring him. I'd been at work. And that the POF app shows you as online for quite a while after you leave.
He actually replied. Said he thought we were going to continue chatting on WhatsApp so that's why he blocked me. A bit but we have exchanged a few more messages.

I have a date today! I'm going to call him Mr Different. Like a few of you on this thread, I'm generally very picky with spelling and grammar (though I hate writing that as I'm always convinced I'm going to make a mistake and look hypocritical!)

Mr Different gets you're/your, they're/their etc muddled up and sometimes I find his messages hard to understand. BUT we have interests in common, views in common (though we haven't discussed Brexit yet) and I'm actually really looking forward to meeting him. After a couple of dates with no chemistry, I really hope this one has potential...

Runny, I'd be wary with this one. Someone who blocks you so quickly doesn't sound great to me. Does he seem nice in other ways?

Llareggub and Waving, I have an iron who seems similar to yours. We haven't met him but he keeps saying he's thinking about me, and writes long messages. I really liked the sound of him at first but I wish he'd just chill out a bit until we've met.

OnceMore, I love affection in a relationship, but someone rubbing my back on a second date would make me want to move as far away from him as possible. If he's making you feel uncomfortable, that's not a good sign.

education, has Mr ? said why his profile isn't public? It would put me off if someone said 'bed' was on the agenda, but maybe I'm just a prude!

Pringle, sounds like an interesting date with lots to think about. Maybe worth meeting one more time? I sometimes find the second date can be the decider.

Bant, did you ask her about Brexit? And/or ask her on a date? It is tricky with politics/religion, etc - I'd prefer someone with similar political views and who's not religious. But once I add that to all the other stuff (eg someone who's not too far away, someone around my age, someone who shares some of my interests, someone I fancy, etc, I worry that few if any of the fish in the pool are going to fit what I'm looking for).

goldfish
Good luck with your date.
One of my very first dates was with someone whose messages sometimes seemed to be written in another language. But he's dyslexic and a lovely person in real life. Although we are just staying as friends.
So I wouldn't rule someone out straight away for poor grammar etc.

Mr Blocker is funny and charming. Still don't get why he blocked me. I've told him straight that I don't have time for endless messaging or to respond straight away. Now we're on WhatsApp he can see if I've read the message or not. And my "last seen" is strictly off.

Ladies, please be wary of these guys who come on too strong from the start. Your instinct is there to protect you, and won't let you down. So if it feels wrong, then it probably is. I was a bit concerned by the previous poster (sorry, can't remember who) whose date 's behaviour noticeably changed when she wasn't reciprocating, and he got a bit huffy with her. That is a form of control, and would only get worse as time goes on (if he's like that on Date 1/2, what would he be like in a relationship?!). Plus, I always thing that if someone (man or woman) is too keen at the start, it's almost like they just want to be in a relationship, and anyone will do. Any guy with an ounce of self-awareness would recognise this behaviour in himself, and try to modify it or do something about it.

Dieu that was me that didn't reciprocate and then got the cold shoulder.

Thank you everyone who has commented on my date 2 experience! I know I can't carry on with it. The hard part is he is so intense and so into me and very 'sweet' in a wanting to care for someone etc, I feel terrible turning him down. Honestly it's going to feel like taking birthday cake from a child. The birthday child!

But another thing I get the impression is that he wants me to be broken so he can fix and look after me. He wants me to be the weakness to his strength. He wouldn't let me talk about daily life yesterday until I'd told him 'what's up?' Like he has some unique insight into the sadness of my soul... that's all he seems interested in.

Yes I'm a tired and stressed single parent but I'm ok actually, thanks! I want a partner not a guru!

He openly said yesterday that he hopes he hasn't blown it. Urgh. Any suggestions on how to sign off with this would be most welcome!

I am getting wary. It is all a bit full on. It makes me want to scuttle off away from OLD and do something less boring instead.

Goldfish good luck with the date!

Runny the blocking thing is really weird. Why block just because you have moved to another app? I'd reserve judgement on that one.

Pringle I think a second date is a good test (see mine lol!)

Bant the politics thing is tricky isn't it. I'm not heavily into politics but I do vote. I know enough to vote responsibly but I wouldn't want it to be a key talking point in a relationship. Maybe some irons out there are like me, so differing views less of an issue if they are not strong views, if that makes sense. But if politics is a topic of great importance to you, then I guess someone who is a bit ambivalent would not be for you! Maybe there is a politically motivated dating site out there?

Education I think Mr ? Sounds a bit creepy with the bed comment so early on.

Llareggub why don't you? (Anyone here old enough to get that joke?)

Full on messaging is hard work, I agree. Especially when you're not really feeling it.

Once you are incredibly strong and insightful. Loads would have just gone 'aww, he's so caring and sweet' and blindly played along with it. Good on you for seeing right through him!

Maybe something along the lines of: for my part, there is a question mark over our compatibility. 'Us' wouldn't feel right for me, and I can't ignore that. You seem much more intense than me in your efforts to find someone, whereas I am happy to take a more relaxed approach. Sorry it wasn't meant to be. Good luck with the internet dating, and hope you find what you're looking for soon x

bleach, i wondered if anyone would get the reference!