Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Just had a message on POF from someone who (if their profile is truthful!!) sounds ok - this is good.
However, although I have messaged back - I seem to have, inadvertently, deleted myself from their favourites

LM33 do be careful. This guy seems to be playing you. Have fun with it if you're enjoying his company when he can give you his time, but please be careful not to become OI. And I would want to question what's keeping him from you and what his 'plan' is. Are you sure he's single?

Goldfish thanks for asking. Mr Drums - I can't work out if he's creepy or if I'm just not used to someone being quite so 'nice' and quite so keen. He's quite new to the area so doesn't have a lot of local friends and is a carer for a family member, who he lives with and so that is his life. He has other interests that he does, but largely alone, so he's very insular. He's also pretty intense. He has admitted that he's institutionalised and that he knows his life will be very different when the caring need ends, but for now, that's the score. And in truth, I am an introvert and a one person person and have always struggled being with anyone with a big group of friends and very active social life as I feel conflicted because I hate crowds. Each to their own but that's not for me. So I should be happy to meet someone who isn't like that.

I can't work out if I can fancy him or not. I should. But I don't think I do, yet. I'm hoping it will be a slow burn and that date 2 will be more relaxed and I'll find a spark.

Bant that's such a bloody cheek with the beard thing! What a cow.

Bant [Grin]
at beard -
Bigots are not funny :(

Must be something in the water with the weird ones today, just had a guy ask me early on what I sleep in and told him I'm not into discussing that so early on to be told I'm a cunt with cartoon lips and he can tell I lift weights because my hips are huge! 😂
It's my first nasty one I've had really so feel quite lucky and can now cross it off the check list of internet dating

Horrid, Minop but so his problem, not yours

Bant I'd so love to know here response if you did ask her to cut her hair! Questions like that just go to show what a sweet shop this whole OLD show is.

Minop some pleasant folks out there! I had one who on his third message told me he is a dom in bed and likes a submissive partner When I didn't reply he asked if it's not for me and I said no. He replied fair enough, good luck. At least he was polite about it I suppose!

minop, what a horrible guy. At least you can weed him out straight away. Hopefully he'll carry on revealing what he's like early on to people and no woman will actually meet up with him. Hope you're feeling OK.

OnceMore, it sounds like he's in an unusual situation at the moment, and that in some ways you might be quite suited, but at the same time you're a bit uncertain. I guess the only think you can do is meet him again and just see how you feel. Perhaps the spark will grow or perhaps you'll decide he's not for you.

Bant, I personally don't like beards, but I wouldn't message someone asking them to remove it! Was this her first message to you?

I messaged her first, after she'd viewed my profile. Her response was that she didn't like beards, so would I consider getting rid of it.

Hello
I last posted on the previous thread.
Met Mr Norm a few weeks ago & we have been seeing each other since.

Minop that guy was so grim.

Bant the beard comment was strange. Perhaps she thought you were her Mr Perfect. (except for the beard)
Please do send that reply...It might be the wake-up call she needs!

Good to read there are dates happening. I must read the whole thread later.
Here's to a good week for us all.

Thanks to those who suggested POF.
I am talking to three men - would not put them into the 'iron' category of this list (if I, a newbie may adopt the lingo), but more action in a morning than I got in three (paid) weeks on GSM.

Morning folks... Bit of a weird morning feeling today. I've cracked my target of two dates for next week. Tuesday with a lady I'll call Ms. IT, and Friday with Ms. Portugal.

Still feeling a bit bruised emotionally from the whole block and delete the ex thing so hoping I'll be on it with them. If they don't work out I think I'm going to take a few weeks / months off to be honest and just get everything out of my system.

That idea hasn't been helped by the email which I just got from one of my favourite places with a cabin free for the w/c 20th March and I can feel the long walks and hot tub calling me already. Would love to take someone but a week on my own walking around Yorkshire and then relaxing in the tub of an evening sounds very tempting ( I can sometimes be a bit of a hermit )

From everyone's updates it seems that the world of online dating is living up to the hype !

That is great news Education. OLD is like the lottery. If you don't play, you'll never win ! The more traffic your profile gets, the more chance there is of meeting someone you like...

Good luck !

RLD
Walking in Yorkshire with a hot tub at the end - what could be better!
Go for it!
Agree - you don't have to take anyone.
Looking for a short break with my grown up kids - but I already know we enjoy each other's company - so that takes the anxiety out of it.

I need some outside perspective on whether I'm being (to quote MH) 'low value'

Iron that I like and was probably OI in but less so now....we have a 1st date penciled in for this afternoon.
Now he was out last night which is fine and going by the devil that is WhatsApp he crashed about 4.30am. Be did day he wouldn't surface till lunchtime.
Except I know he was on WApp earlier and then I think went back to sleep but didn't message me.

Now so far he's done exactly what he said he would but I'm day in feeling Low value cause I'm waiting on him to wake up and message. I'm not messaging him 1st. But if he has done exactly what he said he would AIBU to feel like this?....

I feel like he's not that into meeting although he has done exactly what he said he would. I like to have plans in place so can't decide what the crack is.

Well, given that you haven't met him yet, I think you're reading far too much into his comings and goings.

I'd be a bit freaked out by someone I hadn't met checking to see what time I got home, just to see what I was up to.

Oh spring that's a tricky one. The rationale approach is to think you haven't even met yet and he has no reason to not be on his phone at whatever time of the day or night etc etc. But I know exactly how you feel as I feel the same in similar situations.

I think my advice would be if you want to message him, just do it. He might have clocked that you have been on your phone already and not messaged him either.

Another thing to remember is that he might have just opened the app to read a message from a friend and then rolled straight back to sleep, intending on messaging you later on.

It's so hard - tooooo much information to hand these days, it can make us so paranoid!

*rational

Education, when you said you'd been removed from someone's favourites. I favourite someone if I want to message them but can't do it right away. That's my saved list to message. Once I message them, I take them off that list. It may have been something like that.

The ex thing is funny. I woke up today thinking about not being so sure about it. Looked at FB and the very first thing was one of those pictures with points for life on it from someone just randomly on the feed, the first line was 'if it doesn't feel right, don't do it'.

Almost like it was for me!!

Probably isn't the right thing to do, remembering the reasons it didn't work out is important. I might postpone so I get more time to work out if it's a good idea or not.

Try not to overthink it Info ... you will tie yourself up in knots. Better to make that decision based on meeting up, in my view. Just make the point to her that it's no guarantee of anything. Just two old friends meeting up for a drink.

Education glad you're enjoying POF. Me too!

Really sympathising with those of you waiting to hear from someone, and being unsure of the arrangements in the meantime. I'm the kind of person who likes to know what's happening (even if it's a 'no') and even my very laidback personality struggles with the not knowing.

That makes sense info.
We certainly messaged.
All gone quiet from three conversations. Probably a good thing - need to get some housework done before work tomorrow
Wonder if they will ever come back?
POF is much better fun for oldies like me than GSM - but maybe that is just my experience.
Happy what is left of Sunday, everyone!

I usually have my Wapp last seen turned off so I think I'm going back to that save myself the torture !!!

I just like to know what I'm doing.

I also worry that non drinkers are ex alcoholics and that they would want me to never drink, or wouldn't want to go to pubs, or might relapse

^Replying to this from a couple of days ago. Mr Anarchist is an "ex" alcoholic (no such thing as an ex alcoholic though, apparently. "In recovery"is the way they put it). I am a fairly enthusiastic drinker. I'm not going to pretend this hasn't been cause for concern, but so far it's going OK.

We went to the pub the night before last, to see a gig- he bought me a pint and had orange juice. I can't say I wasn't concerned about whether he was feeling comfortable, but he was fine. He did ask if I wanted another pint, but I prefer to not drink too much around him.So, on the plus side, seeing him regularly is starting to mean that I'm staying within my recommended weekly limits on a regular basis!

I also got worried yesterday because I'd taken a bottle of wine around his house for me to have a couple of glasses from, and inadvertently left it there. I texted to apologise, because it seemed disrespectful, but he also picked up on my deeper concerns and told me it will still be there when I come round on Thursday! (I was worried about having put temptation in his way).

It is strange, I will admit, not to start a relationship in a welter of lust, conversation and wine (just lust and conversation ). On the plus side though, because he's deeply embroiled in the whole 12-step thing, he is extremely self aware and reflective, a welcome change from most of my exes!

Re beards - I'm starting to feel bad now. In the past a couple of men with beards have messaged me. Now if I get a message from someone I'm not interested in but who's clearly bothered to read my profile and has made some effort with a message, I usually do a polite 'thanks but no thanks'. In some cases I've explained that they live too far away, for example, or they're looking for something casual and I'm looking for something serious.

So when I got a message from a man with a beard, I just explained that unfortunately I wasn't keen on beards. (I should add though that I didn't suggest he should shave off his beard!) I thought that was honest but OK and not leaving them hanging. I would never say something that I thought would upset them (eg 'you're too short'). One guy messaged back to say he sometimes had a beard and sometimes didn't, and was more than happy to get rid of it, which I certainly wasn't expecting!

I always try to be polite and respectful with OLD, and I'm now wondering if I've done the wrong thing in these cases. It's such a minefield!

Goldfish, you're lovely and did nothing wrong. It's fair enough to politely point out that you don't like beards, but another asking someone if they'd get rid! Rude and presumptuous.