Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Nervous about tomorrow. Meeting silversmith. Going to make a brooch and he's making us a picnic.

I'd love a guy who went to such effort and thought!

The wheels have definitely fallen off POF today. Jeez, it's just as well it's a freebie!

I love this thread.

Second date tomorrow with a tinder iron. Cute. Funny. Either amazing or a psychopathic player. All to play for.

I love it too possibly. Don't know what I'd do without it, and feel quite blessed to have everyone's wisdom, support and kindness

I do sometimes wonder if the giving and seeking of advice could be a bit more balanced from some, so that no-one is overlooked, but I guess that's inevitable to a degree ... and overall it's great here!

Oh and good luck for tomorrow!

I think often the giving and receiving of advice comes in waves, from different people, dieu - sometimes people want to give advice, sometimes to take it.

I've been in periods where I didn't have a clue what the hell i was doing, and people here helped me understand. Now I'm just dabbling in dating, as I've learned that for me, I'm just biding my time until someone great comes along, and in the meantime I'm just trying to not piss anyone off or hurt anyone. I'll meet someone great eventually.

Other people are brand new to it, massively overinvested, and need a bit of advice, or encouragement, or caution. And others just don't want to chat.

Such is the way of things. No one is overlooked, unless they choose not to speak up

I think it's just about not taking it personally if you are overlooked, because it's not intentional. But I agree, it's a lovely place for support.
Dating isn't hugely necessary to my life. I enjoy it, but I'm not necessarily needing something from it. I have established that I can't do casual sex, so it'd be nice to have an alternative to celibacy.
Has everyone had a lovely weekend aside from dating? I've just come back from visiting the bronte parsonage. It's absolutely beautiful.

I tend to post if I am starting a new dating adventure as that's stressful. Or when it all falls apart as I find it so helpful. Not necessarily because I get loads of feedback but because it feels like a really safe place to express the pain of online dating.

As for advice - if I feel strongly about something or if it mirrors an issue for me I will. Otherwise there are people much better than me at saying the right thing at the right time.

I think that's why I like it so much - it's what I need it to be.

hiya

total old newbie here
tried to join 3 sites tonight - only wanted to join one but argh
pof v v v glitchy - is it always like this?
match - i thought was free but no
guardian soulmates - i'm on!

top tips? i just sit and wait now yeah?

bit nervous tbh

POF has been awful today, not usually this bad.

Yeah Match is paid or useless. I've had over 100 views since joining this afternoon and some messages and winks and can't do anything about anything!!

thanks info

its not me then :)

The thing with match is to start your profile, or hide then unhide, add more pics and change your info, then leave it a few days and wait for them to send you offers. I got a month for a fiver once but usually goes to a tenner a month. I guess some of it depends on the gender /age profile locally and who they want more of, but have done the above several times and the price rapidly drops. But it is useless without paying - cannot see who sent you messages, what the message is.
EHarmony is the same, even when they do free weekends or whatever, you cannot see photos. And the people are miles away!

Cheers for the tip, I'll hang fire and see what they offer.

The ex girl asked me to go out with her tomorrow night so I said yeah. Can't harm to go and chat. Or maybe it can, I dunno!

Yeah, a Match trial never seems to end! Obviously you boost their numbers while on there, even if not paying. And they do come back to you with cheaper and cheaper offers, so hang fire for now!
For what it's worth, I can totally understand the rationale behind getting back with an ex ... or at least trying it out. Modern dating can be scary, and the past represents a safer, simpler time. I get that!

Info my advice would be to remind yourself why it didn't work out with the ex and make sure you can either get past it or be sure it's not an issue any more.

I had many dreams about my ex when we split (my choice) and in the dreams it was all amazing, as it was in the beginning in reality, and I realised I missed him. But on waking up, the reasons for me calling it a day all came clear again, and I know for sure that as safe and nice as it feels on the surface to go back to that, the issues remain and I know for sure I don't want to take them on again. It's sad but it's the way it is for me.

So, onwards with OLD!

I have date 2 with Mr Drums tomorrow lunchtime. I'm not sure I'm feeling it. He's super nice but something doesn't feel right... I'm trying to keep an open mind until I've met him a few more times.

I woke up this morning and decided I'd had enough of OLD. I can't seem to attract the guys i like so i end up compromising and have bad dates like yesterday's.
Then there's the endless messaging. And sulky faces if you don't reply quickly.
I exchanged phone numbers with someone yesterday and despite telling him i had work to do last night, he just kept sending texts.
I go on POF this morning to delete my profile and he immediately texts me.
I have today's date but I'm not hopeful about that as we both seem to have forgotten about it.

Oh dear. The one iron I have going (who lives an hour away) went quiet after we'd discussed Brexit. We'd been sending messages back and forth yesterday morning, then we talked about how we voted and why, and she went quiet. I sent her a quick note last night to ask if she still wanted to talk now she discovered my views, and in response this morning she sent me that meme about Winnie the Pooh and piglet. 'Yes we can still be friends, let's go and get pissed'

I bloody hate that meme. That's now put me off her. I want to reply with the longer one where pooh goes on a rant about piglets vote and the future of hundred-acre-wood, but that's possibly a bit silly.

Anyone else had post-Brexit dating issues?

(I'm not trying to start a political discussion, just wondering how people's political views affect their dating choices)

I think that's why I like OKCupid Bant, it weeds out all the people who have wildly different views to you, so that you don't have to find out the hard way. I had a friend who worked for a humanitarian NGO and ended up on a date with an arms dealer! (That was match I think...)

Politics is a biggie for me, not a 100% dealbreaker but if their outlook is different from mine I want intelligence behind it not just a kneejerk tabloid viewpoint. My date from the other day is not left like me, but intelligently stated why not and was respectful of my outlook which was important so I have not seen it as a negative but if it hadn't been that way it would have massively put me off him

info good luck meeting up with the ex, in y expereance going back to a old flame never works, I have tried a few times, I have ended up staying friends though.

I try not to talk politics with any iron, I think it's a bit personal to talk politics so early on.

Mr MOD is staying over tonight, I know I'm probably crazy. He tells me he has a plan to see me more but I need to be patient with him , he messaged me a load of rubbish about missing me and wanting to be with me and I probably fell for it. I'm not sure how I feel about things after I had a go at him about not putting any effort in, it's going to feel a bit awkward when I see him, though he's the type that moves on from things quickly and I am the opposite .

Politics is quite important to me too. A man doesn't have to have exactly the same views as me, but we need to be roughly on the same page, and if we had very different views I probably wouldn't want to meet him. Two of my irons asked me about Brexit, but luckily we all voted the same way.

I've got back with an ex before. I think, as OnceMore said, you have to think about why you split up before, and whether you can overcome those issues. (I didn't do that - just hoped he'd changed - and of course it ended in tears!)

Lovemusic, take care of yourself. I know you've been quite hurt by Mr MOD, and I'm worried about him hurting you again. Do you and he ever go out somewhere together or does he just come over to yours?

OnceMore, what doesn't feel right with Mr Drums?

We have been out together, first date we went out and shared a hobby, had lunch together, but other dates have been shorter (first date was the best). He's coming over after work so will be late, hopefully spending most of tomorrow here. I'm trying not to think too much into things and just go with the flow, I'm holding back a bit as he blows hot and cold and I don't want to get hurt, so I am trying to take what he says with a pinch of salt. Will just see how it goes.

Politics are hugely important to me.
Brexit would be a total deal breaker.
I realize this attitudes limits my chances of getting any action - but I am too old to change what matters it me.
Fur Match and GSM you really have to pay for to be able to use properly.
Me - I found that all the winks disappeared the moment I paid and looked to see if they were real - but that is probably my experience.
GSM, you can have a quick look round to see if anyone catches your eye before you sign up.

I am the same re politics and Brexit; important to me and I'd want to know early on. I also hate that meme (I basically hate all memes though) especially as friends on fb posted it after the referendum and then did the opposite and ranted about people who had voted differently to them.

I think I'll put something about it in my profile in fact.

Well the woman I was talking to had rational, thought out reasons for why she voted the way she did. She's got her facts wrong, of course, but she's not a ranty person.

Still bugs me though. She's gone from being an amusing attractive woman with potential to a bigot. That's unfair, but..

Bugger.

Ah well, another woman asked me if I'd get rid of my beard as she's not a fan. I think I'll reply asking if she'll trim her long hair into a bob and dye it blonde.. not because I particularly have a preference but just because it's a bit entitled of her to ask someone to change the way they look