Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Following my comment that my Tinder matches just want either chat or sex, my latest iron said last night he'd loved to meet me. Great! Except he's far too busy so can we just chat for now.
Follows this with "what do you like to do for fun". I answer with the usual movies, friends blah, blah. We chat a bit about this, then he asks "what do you like to do for fun with a partner".
I pretend I don't know what he's getting at and give the boring 'cinema would be good' answer.
He says I'm funny! I gave up at that point and went to bed.

Thanks last.

Re your situation - I think it is important to focus on what you know, not what you guess or assume. I find this helps me not to jump to any unhappy conclusions but also not to over-invest. E.g. I know that we had a lovely date last week or I know we had a really interesting chat. You can't know why he is still hanging out on OLD or indeed whether he is worried that he is over-investing in you! If the balance of what you know is positive, then maybe you don't need to worry too much just yet about the stuff you don't know. I agree, it is early doors...

Although actually Dieu's message is diamond! Ignore me

It's very frustrating. I am getting matches and people talking and then they either fail to ask me out or just disappear. What is the point?! Meeting up with a guy on Friday who fancies me. I'm not hugely keen but he's ok. Going to his. May have sex.

dieu sounds easy when you put it like that!
Half thats kind of where my thinking is at, the things i know is that he makes effort to see me, keeps in daily contact, buys me flowers and holds doors open, treats me with respect and has told those important to him about me. He also has said to me face to face he really likes me and also that I'm out of his league. So it just doesn't really add up unless he's a total player but he's the shyest man I've dated and not overly confident with women so hasn't given me that vibe at all. Oh well, seeing him this weekend, will try to broach it then maybe. Thanks again

Anyone else ever have a stomach churning heart crunching moment when you came across your ex's profile on a site ? Just did on GSM and annoyingly it really hurt. Far too long a story for here but she has a habit of fat finger dialling me on WhatsApp whenever she feels lonely and is re-reading our chats. Most recently on Saturday night. I know I should delete and block, but for the first time in my life I actually can't. Okay, won't. I told her she needs to delete them and stop hanging on to the past and dragging me back every time she the truth of her situation comes home to her.

It's been 6 months, and I want to date and move on. I'm conscious of the fact I'm a bit damaged from this and hence why I'm all for taking it slow and if anything I know exactly what I'm looking for. I'm pissed off that I can't shake this...

Sorry. Rant over

I've not had that this way but I've had it the other way where an ex saw me back on there. It was a couple of months after we'd split and she was looking because she said she just knew I'd be on there. She wasn't even joined, she just saw me on the open search.

I'd said I wasn't interested in dating so she felt hurt to see me on there. I felt bad that she felt bad but hmmm I dunno what I'm saying here really!

Yes I've had it. I now think that exes should no longer exist (apart from if you have children). I block, delete etc. I've no time for people who no longer belong in my life.
My last ex matched me on tinder. I swiped right out of curiosity and immediately deleted him. The world is a big place. I don't need to recycle old relationships.

RLD you know what you need to do. Delete and Block. You said yourself she's dragging you back!!

RLD, I've had that. It was soon after we'd split, and he'd told me he didn't think he was ready for a relationship and needed to be on his own for a while - so it was a horrible shock to see him back on POF.

Last, I wouldn't be happy with that at all. Once I'm seeing someone (and especially if MB are on the menu) I wouldn't be on a dating website, and I wouldn't expect the person I was seeing to be on one either. Have you had the exclusivity talk? I think Dieu's suggestion of how to tackle it is a good one.

HalfinLove, how did the date go?

Iusedtobe, is this a first date on Friday?

Rock as everyone else says, you have to delete and block. Otherwise you can't move on.

Tinder is having a laugh at me today. Matched me with someone in LA. My distance setting is up to 30miles away, so no idea what's going on there. He seemed really keen to get to know me, so i had to politely tell him thanks but no thanks.

I know Spring... I still can't work out my feelings about all this. It's the first time I ever broke up with anyone and it really broke me. We didn't even split because we fell out of love, just because we couldn't find answers to some of the logistics. Would have been easier if we'd hated each other. I've been good in all other aspects of my life. Binned all the pictures with her in, all emails, any clothes, presents etc... I will get there very soon and delete and block. To quote mumsnet advice, I need to pull up my big girl pants ( enough about what I do at weekends !!! ).

last I think in your situation I'd be having a chat. You've moved along from just "road testing" each other and are now inter-twining your lives so it's not unreasonable to discuss it before you get too far along. I'm sure you're right about it being habit and boredom. Sodding mobiles give us too much to do with our spare time. He could chose candy crush or something else though....

RLD.

I think these are wise words for all of us putting a little bit of ourselves out there all the time....

Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns, doesn't mean you're gonna die
You gotta get up and try, and try, and try

P!NK

That is good advice about deleting and blocking the ex. I dated someone on and off for a long time. We see each other around quite a bit so it is hard to forget about him. He is more of a habit to break; a nice guy, clever...and there. He isn't the man for me (no spark) but we kept at it for convenience really.

I have mentally moved on but it was a real jolt to see him on pof, also moving on!

Yep, that was a booty call! Ended up snogging in the back of his car like teenagers, without realising the child locks were on! I had to climb through the front of the car to release us. Good kisser though - I know what I'll be doing on Sunday afternoon

Meanwhile a first date with someone else tomorrow - feels a bit weird!

RLD I'm going to play devils advocate here because all I can see when I read your posts is that you're still in love with her. And probably she feels the same, if she's reading your old messages and fat finger dialling you she's definately still mooning over you. Coupled with the fact you never actually fell out or lost feelings I'd say are you absolutely sure that splitting is the right decision? Love is hard to find and there's always a compromise or two second (or third) time around. You just have to find the person worth making those compromises for. There's always room for love, you just have to move things around a bit so it fits
That said, bant has been in a very similar situation and I believe he went back and tried again because the feelings were still there but it couldn't be resolved. Just be sure you've exhausted all avenues.

And thanks for the advice on my question too.

half sounds a fun way to spend an afternoon! Great kissing is the best an another first date tomorrow? Go you!

I love that song Spring... Big P!nk fan

Sounds like you had a great afternoon Half !

Last I do appreciate a good devil's advocate. I think I'm in the stages of exhausting every last option really. We've had a couple of goes already and annoyingly I didn't have a moment of clarity about how easy it was to resolve everything until very recently. To use the board's jargon, I'm actually seeing her as an "iron" at the moment, albeit one I'm OI in...

The reality of it is that I learnt what I really want out of a relationship from my time with her and would rather be on my own than have anything less, which is a big step forward in my emotional growth because I would never have thought that a few years ago.

If you're both in love RLD whats the impediment from your EX you can't work through. Sad really you and Bant seem to have met someone for what ever reasons you can't make it work.

I'm the same, after my last break hard as it was, I figured out what it is I'm looking for in a partner which in its self was a revelation too me.

No its not a first date on Friday. I've met him before and we've been in touch for a while.

I honestly think though, that this 'what if' feeling isn't helpful. Even if you are in love, sometimes people don't work together and relationships don't work, for whatever reason.

This ^

Hear, hear Iused

Date was certainly fun, but a bit unbecoming to two people with an average age of 40+ and five DC between them

Half you are an inspiration!

The whole ex on a dating site thing.

My husband had the good sense to tell me which site he was on so i could avoid it...but that didn't take the sting out of the fact that he went on the site after just 3 weeks apart...seriously, 3 weeks when we were married for 16 years!!

But the fact he was busy living his dating life made me decide that i should give it a go and well, it worked! But i did wait 3 months rather than weeks!