Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

[WavingNotDrowning]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

As of this evening I have another iron... Miss Dancer. Exchanged a few messages on OKC and we seem to have lots to talk about so far. Will be interesting to see how it plays out.

Thanks Rock Can I message you my username? Don't want to put it out here for all to see.

Me too?

Of course. Actually meant to suggest pm'ing it but didn't want to appear presumptuous...

Hello peoples, just place marking really .

Still only seeing Mr Anarchist, it's been 5- 6 weeks now. It was my birthday yesterday, and I went over to his and got spoiled rotten- dinner, flowers, champagne (that last one much appreciated, because he doesn't drink himself, and is a recovering alcoholic- 5 years sober - so for him to buy me booze was actually pretty selfless). And lots of lovely sex . So still going well.

Do any of you that live in small towns have problems with privacy?

Just bloody embrace it, I'd say. Embrace the gossip and everybody- knowing- everything, including your OLD history, that of all your mates, that of your mates' exes, how they're all coinciding, how the old landlord of the pub drove into your mates' wall and had to escape over the fields before he was breathalysed, how your ex committed adultery with the wife of the millionaire up the road... Or just move to London

Rockluvindad I've pmed you my profile if you'd cast your eye over it. I get a lot of messages but I want to attract a more intellectual sort!

I keep running out of tinder matches too. Got 2 irons on there at the mo' with date with Mr pizza tomorrow. He says I'm his first Internet date so hope it will be ok, I feel a duty to introduce him well to this funny little world! He seems really great but only seen one pic and he lives a bit far really but will see how it goes.
By the way, if any of you have amazon prime, there's a really great series called "casual" on there about a pair of late 30's siblings doing online dating. It is very well observed and quite entertaining

Runnny, it's not just people looking and thinking nahhh, it's the other way too. I've looked at stacks of profiles where I've liked them and though 'nahhh, she'll never reply' so I don't bother messaging.

Infosec would you like one of us to critique your profile? I dunno, you sound great, but just thought it might help.

Runny it's not you, I think it's pretty standard. Lots of clicks but either too lazy to message or hoping you'll message first, or just browsing around like kids in a sweet shop.

I myself have clicked on and 'favourite-d' lots of profiles but not necessarily messaged first for various reasons. Then one day I'll message loads all at once just in a flurry of deciding to do the numbers game. Depends on my mood, how much time I have, and as info said, whether I think they are likely to message back. If I think they are high calibre, I have to feel quite brave to message first.

Hehe... I feel like the profile doctor ! .

Iused commented on your pm before seeing the message here. Think I covered your concern. It is hard targeting a specific educational level and interest but I think you gave enough pointers for anyone with half a brain. Which rules out a lot of us men .

I tend to message anyone I find attractive and who's profile I strikes a chord with me, but that's probably because I'm convinced of my own awesomeness... Sadly most of those I message don't seem to see it

I find that the two things that put me off any profile, even if it was Holly Whilloughby is either pouting, duck face pictures or using "v" instead of "th"... When did dumbing down become so fashionable ?

Mmm not sure on the profile critique thing. I have pasted my profile into here before and been able to fine tune in from that.

The aspect I am interested in is the photo side of things. Would definitely be cool to know if my photos are awful!!

Good evening all, just got home from my date with Mr long distance. Given the way I've been feeling about OLD since last week I wasn't really that bothered about going. But it's a night out.

He was a nice guy, although I'm glad I changed into flat shoes at the last minute he wasn't that much taller than me.

We had a nice meal and a drink and he bought me a gift of wine and chocolate. There was some serious snogging going on in the car and it was difficult not to be tempted back to his room for moose burgers. But I kept my resolve. He's left it completely with me if I want to contact him again, but at the same time was showing me his calendar for when he's next in town. I think I might be up for a second date. I think I was pretty clear that while I don't do ons I'm not planning on playing happy families with anyone either.

So I'll probably arrange a 2nd date for next week.

Hello, I am taking the plunge again.

I met a guy through POF and it bumbled on for a while. Met his kids but I have been firmly put in the friends zone I think. All was well but in the last few weeks he has grown distant. I logged onto POF and there he was, online. All those excuses about being too busy to see me because of work suddenly made sense. I am OK with it. He wasn't the man for me, clearly.

I have spent a bit of time thinking about what I want so I have decided to give POF a go again. I am chatting to a few men on whatsapp and looking forward to dating again.

Tinder isn't working for me. I am out of choices! I need this thread though to bring it all into perspective. I do get a bit into the chatting and get too invested before we meet.

I'm the type who likes to chat for a little while before meeting, to really get a better sense of how that person is. I can understand why you'd OI before meeting someone.

Im a bit like that too InfoSec. I have guys on POF trying to push their number on me, and I haven't used any of them as it makes me feel under too much pressure early on.
I'd love to meet someone, and I don't want a pen-pal, but ultimately I need to feel a bit of a bond with someone before I'd meet them.

It is such a fine balance, isn't it? I don't want to go on a date with someone i know nothing about but yes, equally I don't want a penpal.

Morning everyone, took a while to catch up! Sorry for jumping straight back in with a question and not responding to others news but could use opinions and thoughts on something.

So been dating CBG a month now, 6 dates in it's been going seemingly very well. The last week things seemed to have moved into more relationship territory than casual dating because various plans have been made, which to me indicate this. Meeting his best friend this weekend, been invited to a family party and have made tentative plans for a weekend away Easter to visit his brother.
So my reason for head scratching is that he's still visiting POF most evenings. He works nights and I notice yes totally stalking him that he visits the site when at work so probably 1am ish. Boredom and habit is the only plausible explanation but obviously I'm fairly uncomfortable to get further invested because it only takes one message from someone hot for him to be tempted. He's obviously looking, maybe even chatting so I don't know how to proceed or if I should bring this up. Everything in our actual dating life points to exclusivity, he calls me every day, has told his friends and family about me and referred to me as his GF. Our dates have been brilliant I have felt quite positive in this moving forward because we both seem equally keen but it doesn't match up with the POF thing so I'm now thinking I've been naive.
I don't want to come across clingy or needy, so I'm not up for demanding he remove his profile but I'm at a loss as to why he would be doing this when he seems really into me or what I should do, if anything. Sorry for the epic and me me post, please advise!

last It's a tricky one. At first I misread your post and thought you said that you'd been dating for 6 months, so my obvious reaction was for you to tell him to get off POF!!
However, one month is completely different, and really isn't very long at all. It sounds like you have been swept off your feet, with some pretty significant events (eg meeting family) being introduced VERY early on.
Honestly, the only option is to talk about it. I didn't talk about it with the last guy I was seeing, and ended up dumping him rather rashly. It's a tricky one, because one month in, you really don't know someone very well and can end up second guessing what is going on in their head.
If you don't talk about it, then this will tear you up inside. Best to have a few minutes of cringe chat, then end up splitting over it.
If you decide not to bring it up, then you'll need to take a step back. Not easy to do when you sound very OI (which is understandable).
Chances are he has seen you on POF too, and is wwaiting for you to bring it up anyway.

stubbornstaines Sounds like you live near me! If only I could move to London...!

Ooh and impromptu 2nd date with the date from Sunday (called him Mr Art before, but someone else has got one of those!) this lunchtime - would be a booty call I think except no possibility of sex! A chaste booty call...

Thanks dieu for the reply, yes I probably am OI at this point, and you are right a month isn't long at all, I don't really know him.
But I thought we were both feeling the same, his actions toward me have been progressive and keen so I felt it was ok to invest a bit around now.
Will have to bring it up I guess, but I don't want to be that type of demanding GF, it's a tricky one.

Good luck half!

Last it is a perfectly justifiable thing for you to bring up, even after only a month, given how far and fat things have progressed.
It would be inappropriate if after one month, you'd had 2 dates, and there was no mention of significant events.
You could always bring it up casually rather than in a needy way.
"So, I was just thinking about POF, and the messages I'm getting from other guys on there. Hard to know how to respond to their suggestions of a date. I'm tempted to come off POF but don't want to put all my eggs in the one basket if you don't feel the same way. What do you think?"

Easy

Fat??? Should be fast!