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Original poster

Dating thread 114 - come and join us!

999 replies

WavingNotDrowning · 05/03/2017 12:22

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Bant · 08/03/2017 09:05

For me, the idea of sharing a bed with a grown opposite sex sibling is, as someone said, 'eeeww'

Everyone's got different relationships with their siblings though. I'd kip on the floor rather than share a bed with my sister.

justme - I think it's lovebombing if there are declarations of affection which make you feel uncomfortable.

It's different for everyone, we all have different levels of engagement, which may be different with different people. It's whatever makes you comfortable. If you don't feel comfortable, don't feel you have to put up with it.

But it's not really our place to say what should or shouldn't make you feel comfortable, that's for you to decide. Lots of text contact after 2 dates and a month of messaging sounds fine to me, I'd prefer that. Others wouldn't.

And I don't think 4'11 is too short, personally. It's quite short, but less than a foot shorter than me.

Maybe more than a foot difference is too much, but even then, some very tall men will like very short women. It's personal choice.

justmeand2DC · 08/03/2017 09:52

Thanks for the male perspective on height bant. I am quite self-conscious about it although at 5'10" MrOutdoors is not as tall as my ex who was 6'2" and unbothered by the difference. I think at 5'10" he is perfect for me!

The "L" word hasn't been mentioned at all so maybe it's not lovebombing, I feel very comfortable with lots of texting after both sets of DC in bed but one of my friends said it was a red flag for her because it indicated extreme neediness. The texting seems to be slightly flirty but nothing that I'd be embarrassed to show my friends so we don't seem to be rushing towards DTD.

I will feel so lucky if this does become a LTR as he was only the second guy I met up with and I was expecting to have to endure dozens of first dates before meeting someone even vaguely compatible!

Bant · 08/03/2017 09:59

It's very early days yet, justme - rule 3, remember.

We say it's a numbers game, because generally it takes lots of messages to get a date, lots of first dates to get a second date, lots of second, third, fifth dates to turn into a relationship.

But then some people do get lucky and meet someone great very early on. Some people find it difficult to get second (or first) dates at all.

OutToGetYou · 08/03/2017 10:52

I can't even be in the same room as my brother, let alone bed.

I have shared a bed with a male friend in the past though.

Age ranges are funny - most recent ex is 5 years younger than me, but I tend to feel once you're in your 40's this doesn't really matter. A few previous exes also up to 5 years younger. I've been FB with guys quite a bit younger, but that's different. At 48 I don't really want someone mid 50's though. I guess it does depend but many of them are very worn. I am not worn - no kids helps! All my own teeth, brown undyed hair, not overweight etc.

I wear glasses and I reckon that is why I get v few likes on POF. In RL people often, rudely, ask me if I have considered laser surgery, so I know people think wearing lasses is a problem. I can't help it, and they are quite strong so they do distort my face a bit in photos. I've considered taking a few without them but it would be misrepresentation as I always wear them - plus I wouldn't be able to see the button on the camera!

BernieBear · 08/03/2017 11:20

Justme - I could have written your post a few weeks back. I am still seeing Mr Sparkie (six weeks now) and around 12 - 13 dates down (some dates lasting a few days Blush) He wasn't in a rush either (I have a five date rule which I was quite open about) so he was happy to hang on (until date 6) and there is no apparent reason for him not rushing.
MrSparkie also texts a bit in the evening and we also a chat on the phone most evenings. I suspect that the idea of "neediness" is relative to the person involved. If you find it needy, then maybe it is for you. I personally don't but I did say early on that there should be no expectations as to when to answer etc. as I maybe busy and I didn't want to feel under pressure.

I also questioned Lovebombing, but as Bant says, it is declarations of love very early on etc. It doesn't sound like you are being love bombed.

Go with it, it all sounds like a great start!

Original poster
WavingNotDrowning · 08/03/2017 11:20

I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed by all the dating today. So much work to do and other stuff happening in my life.

oncemore MrCyclist is meeting me near my office (and he happens to live closer to my office than my house). I decided not to cycle - I want to have a glass of wine and my tolerance is so low that I won't be sober enough to cycle home. Hated coming in by tube though.

Have 2 dates arranged next week now too. But am going to step back and decide if I want to see them - I need to be more choosy I think.

OP posts:
Rockluvvindad · 08/03/2017 13:35

Well, back down in London for the first time in a week due to virulent man flu... The northern line this morning reminded me why I normally walk from Euston to Islington ! Sadly, my chest wouldn't have coped with the walk today so I got to be really intimate with someone's armpit on the tube ! Smile

Caught up with my bumble homework... So far that's been entirely underwhelming. Had a few matches but they haven't messaged so timed out...

Going well with Miss Portugal and will hopefully be meeting one evening after work next week.

Looking forward to lighter and warmer evenings so I will feel more enthusiastic about going out in the evening.

OutTo, I wouldn't worry about your glasses... It's amazing that people would be so shallow, but it's probably better they weeded themselves out right from the start !

RLD.

InfoSec21 · 08/03/2017 17:15

Sorry to hear about your man flu, that's the serious stuff :)

Rockluvvindad · 08/03/2017 17:32

Worst illness known to man 😉

Tinkerbellx · 08/03/2017 18:35

Sorry for irregular postings .
Toilet update .... read all yours and just have to join in .

Starbucks coffee date 2 hrs 5 mins so far Smile
Don't want to get too excited but omg ... he's so lovely . He's a gent and first time ever I think I've felt the spark on a first date ! X

RunnnyMummy · 08/03/2017 19:11

Tinkerbell that sounds great. Let's hope he feels the same.

I ran out of people on Tinder. And the matches I have just want to chat or have sex.
So I've rejoined POF. New photos, new profile, new attitude. If I see someone I like then I'll message them. Otherwise I'll just wait and see who messages me. So far a zillion guys have looked and two zillion want to meet me. Four people have actually messaged me.

fortunacookie · 08/03/2017 19:52

Oh sounds exciting tinker bell, very rare I feel a spark too.

Runny yeah it's a joke isn't it How they like you but fail to follow up.

Think mr joiner will bail for our fourth date tomorrow...just my gut telling me 😒

rememberthetime · 08/03/2017 20:30

For me it was ten years either side of my age (early 40's). But those men in their early 30's and those in their early 50's could not be more apart in terms of their ability to hold a conversation and the amount of effort they were willing to put in. In the end i decided that older was better - however mr overseas is 5 years younger.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 08/03/2017 20:35

I've a new iron in quite excited about! I'll call him Mr Drums. He's being very sweet and respectful in messages (started yesterday) and seems genuinely interested in me (quite a nice change of late!)

I'm having to work hard to not get OI even in this early stage! Hopefully we will be able to meet soon, though he is a carer for a family member with dementia so it might be tricky.

The pushy one who sent me '?????' message after I didn't respond immediately (1hr 42mins) followed up later with 'zzzzzzzz'. I told him he was pushy and rude. He didn't like that much but hey, I don't have to take that!

educationforlife · 08/03/2017 20:36

Well only one person has viewed my profile on GSM - and decided I wasn't worth contacting ... whatever!

Dieu · 08/03/2017 20:43

Really think it's time to try another site EFL. My mum (59) joined Match and has had heaps of attention.

Lovemusic33 · 08/03/2017 20:46

I struggle with bumble, it has ran out of people for me, living rural doesn't help, tinder is similar but slightly more busy.

I'm still speaking with Mr Drone, messaged for a little bit earlier, I'm trying not to message too much as I don't want to OI before meeting, hopefully I can meet him next week, he works nights and seems to have lots of spare time, he still hasn't asked if I have kids, not sure how to drop it into conversation?

educationforlife · 08/03/2017 20:46

I did try Match - same result - has your mum actually met anyone - like a real person - the site freaked me out rather - all those flashing options.
The only contact I had was on that instant messenger thing - a chancer who said he was retiring from the army on a load of dosh ... Hmm
How is it going for you Dieu

Dieu · 08/03/2017 21:02

Gawd, I think mum's friend came across him too!
She did the trial and then came off. It didn't surprise me that she was popular though, as she's a beaut who doesn't look her age (unlike her daughter, heh heh!).
I joined POF last week EDF. So far, so good ... but nice, funny, articulate men seem a bit thin on the ground. I'll scream if I receive one more 'hi. How are u?' type message!
In total fairness, the men who have messaged me seem perfectly nice ... not one creep or weirdo ... it's just that it's probably going to take a while to encounter someone with whom I've much in common. And I would only meet someone if there was good, sparky banter in the messages.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 08/03/2017 21:20

I find bumble has much better looking men on it lol! Had a few nice messages back and forth on there, but also some non-responses.

I get lots of 'how r u' messages on pof, they do my head in.

I followed advice on here to allow only messages over 50 characters now.

Dieu · 08/03/2017 21:37

Ditto Bleach. Have now set it as a minimum of 50 characters for opening messages.

RunnnyMummy · 08/03/2017 21:39

Not sure if my new POF profile is working or not. I've had 125 guys look and I don't know how many "meet me" but only 4 have messaged.
I know it's only been there a few hours but that seems like a lot of guys looking and going "no thanks"

RunnnyMummy · 08/03/2017 21:39

Not sure if my new POF profile is working or not. I've had 125 guys look and I don't know how many "meet me" but only 4 have messaged.
I know it's only been there a few hours but that seems like a lot of guys looking and going "no thanks"

Dieu · 08/03/2017 21:45

Don't worry RM. Ahem, how to put this nicely, I think a good proportion find constructing a meaningful message a bit of a challenge in other words, no great loss

Rockluvvindad · 08/03/2017 21:49

Runny, happy to have a look over your profile and give feedback if you want it... Same offer to anyone else. Sometime ls it's hard to tell how your profile is viewed by the other sex...