Am I overreacting about my bf groping me in public

[user1486897010]

Hi.
My bf who is father of my dd keeps touching my tits in public. Today we went shopping and he had his arm around me and was just cupping one of my boobs. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I just get a bit embarrassed from anyone walking past and seeing it. If i try to move his hand away he complains and gets all grumpy and just says he is showing me afection. It happens quite a bit. Either my boobs or bum. I've told him before i don't really like It in public and he stops for a bit but always goes back to doing it. He also complains that is it because I'm ashamed of him. And I'm not. But maybe I am just being silly. Sorry for the long post. Do you think I should mention it to him? What should I do?

You poor thing. He's vile and disrespectful. Your description of what he does makes my skin crawl. He needs to stop this right now. Don't tolerate his tantrums. Other posters are right. It's your body, yours!! Not his. He sounds like either a stupid randy teenager or a controlling vile prick

I cannot believe you think it's ok that your daughter sees him honking your tits like they are his. I can't believe you think it's ok just because she's young.

Cos it's not as if he gives a shit what age she is, is it?

Is he going to automatically stop in a year? Two years? Three years? No.

He's going to keep doing it forever, long after she starts noticing that's apparently what men always do.

And she'll grow up just like you - thinking it's normal and all men do it.

It's fucking depressing, is what it is.

Omg. Just reading all your posts. I don't know what to think. It's such a shock and a I feel so so stupid. How could i let this happen and with my dd. I can't beleve it. I really think I am in an abusive relationship.

He's always just said he has a high sex drive and that's why he does all the touching to. He does want sex quite a lot. He gets really grumpy if he doesn't get it. I don't know what people will think but i jus end up having sex when he wants or he gets a bj if I'm not in the mood.

You're all right. It's just such a big thing I don't know where to start!!! :( or what in going to do

Have you never been in a relationship or never been around others in a relationship? I'm amazed you think this is normal?!

Oh OP
Him sulking when you don't want sex is called sexual coercion.
I think it's increasingly clear from each of your posts that he is abusive. I'm glad you're recognising it for what it is. But you're not stupid for getting in this situation and not realising until now. Abusers are very good at making you think they're reasonable and you're crazy
The most important thing is what you do now. I suggest you get some real life support from Women's Aid and/or close family and friends.

rollon Helpful
The OP has already said that this is her first and only serious relationship.

You know what I do when I'm not in the mood?

Nothing. My husband doesn't get arsey cos he's a nice man and knows it doesn't matter, as we'll have sex some other time. He doesn't act like his cock is going to explode if I don't suck it for him like a hosepipe.

Tbh If I wasn't in the mood for sex a blowjob is the last thing I'd want to do. But I know some people really dig giving them and if that's you, then forgive my mistake.

On a rare occasion when you've both been flirting, nobody is arounf and it's mutual, fine. But constant groping is disgusting and I'd be annoyed and turned off

You're not stupid at all. Realising you are in an abusive relationship doesn't happen overnight. His demanding sex from you when you don't feel like it is outrageous. Don't give in to him, it will affect your self esteem and probably already is. He's a bully

You are not stupid and these things have probably built up over time. You need to seriously consider how to leave as this isn't a good situation to be in for you or your daughter.

Can you increase your hours at work and start to become financially independent? You haven't said whether he is controlling financially but I suspect he might be.

I would be very wary around this man as he clearly doesn't respect or love you. Unfortunately this problem of groping is the tip of an abusive iceberg.

Can you get some RL support? Ring Women's Aid at the very least if you have no one to talk to.

You're having sex you don't want? Does he bully you into it?

Go home to your family, love. Het your previous daughter away from this abusive men.

You are not stupid. Your partner is abusive. It is very difficult to recognise abuse when you're on the relationship because it becomes your normal. This absolutely does not make you stupid.

Your partners behaviour will be viewed as damaging to your child by social services. He needs to stop. I know it's not just as easy as leaving when you are on a low income with a small child. There are many organisations who can help you - such as Women's Aid or Rape Crisis - so that you and your DD can live without a man who controls you and sexually assaults you in public.

I was about to say that I would first tell him firmly that he is NOT to do this, he doesn't get to tell you you're over-reacting, your body is NOT his property and your mind and feelings are NOT his to dictate. I was going to say that if he did it again, to slap his hand away hard and tell him loudly to stop touching you inappropriately, and if he didn't stop then LTB without hesitation.

However, having red subsequent posts it is very very clear that he is abusive. Sexual coercion is very very damaging (and I speak from experience). He has no respect for you as a person, he sees you as property to grope and fuck on when he wants with little or no regard to your personal space, wants and feelings.

And I know you'll be able to think of tons of examples of ways he is lovely and caring etc. which will make you doubt that he really is abusive. Abusers don't look like monsters, people are not 100% evil all the time. But he is abusive - don't doubt that for a second. Just because someone is only 5, 10, 20, 30 percent abusive doesn't mean that it isn't worth 'counting'. As time goes on you can bet your ass it'll get worse too. And I bet, if you start thinking objectively, he's abusive in other ways too.

And he (and probably you because he's conditioned you) will say he behaved his way only because he loves you, because he's a red blooded male, because he had a high sex drive, because he finds you so sexy and you should be flattered etcetc. None of these pathetic 'reasons' should EVER trump your rights over your own body.

It's very hard to get your head around isn't it? When you think it's just one little thing and suddenly the dam is burst. Take your time - you don't need to take any immediate action. Gather your thoughts, start viewing his behaviour objectively. The scales have started falling from your eyes and it's an emotional and shocking process. To be honest, it's only 2 yeas down the line after leaving a sexually abusive/coercive exH (who in many other ways was wonderful) that it has fully dawned on me the full extent of the effect of the behaviour on me. I hope you are ok

i don't know what to think. I know i need to try plan something if i want to leave but i don't know. I can try get more hours at work but don't know if that will help much.

Yeah maybe is just because has always been like that i havent thought its been bad. Yes he does bother me for sex quite a lot but i thought most women have to put up with that.

Its easier to just give in and have sex instead of end up getting into an argument or him being moody for the whole day. If we don't have sex then is either a blowjob or similar (sorry if tmi). i have told him to just have a wank before but he says he doesn't want to do that when I'm here so i will just end up giving him a hand job.

Urgh he turns my stomach. What loving partner would demand and enjoy sexual acts from someone who isn't enthusiastically consenting. It's abusive and controlling and awful

Start practically. Start getting your ducks in a row. Gather paperwork, passports, statements etcetc. Look on a benefits calculator to find out what you'd be entitled to. Go the the CAB for advice.

yes it is very hard to get my head around. I just don't understand really that all this has been happening and i just havent seen it. You're right though. He has done like all the things you've said and yeah he is really nice in other ways so I've just been letting it go.

he says because I'm so sexy its hard for him to resist and he finds me super hot and i should be thankful and thats why he wants sex a lot

Its easier to just give in and have sex instead of end up getting into an argument or him being moody for the whole day. If we don't have sex then is either a blowjob or similar (sorry if tmi). i have told him to just have a wank before but he says he doesn't want to do that when I'm here so i will just end up giving him a hand job.

This has really shocked me. He's done a proper number on you. That is horribly abusive of him.

If I don't want sex, my husband says ok then, and that's that.

You are allowed to say no. If he sulks because you do, or gives you the silent treatment, or calls you names or says you're being hormonal, it's yet another indication that he's abusing you. And that whole thing about him doing it because he's a red-blooded male? Ridiculous. Real men don't need to bully their partners into having sex. Real men only have consensual, appropriate sex.

You really do deserve much better than you're getting.

How would he feel if you started cupping his cock while you were out shopping??

he says because I'm so sexy its hard for him to resist and he finds me super hot and i should be thankful and thats why he wants sex a lot

He should be thankful you've not reported him to the police for the coercion and sexual abuse he's treating you to. Good grief. What a slime of a man he is.

You sound very isolated. Do you have any friends? Do you spend any time with them alone?

There are other posts on here about this sort of coercion that ends in rape. I don't want to scare you but honestly his behaviour is totally abusive. He's crossing a line everytime he ignores your pleas to stop.

You haven't said about RL support but you definitely need some. You also haven't said whether he controls the finances.

Please leave him. His behaviour is awful. He is sounding worse with every post. There is help if you need it, and check what benefits you will be entitled to as well. Do you have RL support?

I am only just starting to realise :( :( its just been like that for most of the time. I don't know.

I have a friend who I've told about him touching me in public but i don't think she knew it was this bad and that he might be abusive. She has a kid too and we see each other in the week. She told me i need to talk to him about it.

he is an engineer and works full time so earns a lot more than me because I'm just a waitress. i use my earnings for food and stuff and things we need and then if i need more then i just ask him and he will pay for it. he owns the house and i don't pay any rent or anything he pays the mortgage

OP you sound very nieve, he finds you sexy so that's an excuse to grope you? I find my DP sexy I'd have sex 24/7 with him, but it's not practical nor do I grope him. I just say wow you look hot today and a kiss and a cuddle tells him I'm attracted to him. Not cupping his balls whilst sat at grannies table for dinner or looking at the price of milk in Tesco